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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was IBU leaving meal?

645 replies

CharDee · 16/06/2019 15:51

We went for a meal earlier for Father's Day/DH's Birthday/friends birthday. We arranged this a couple of weeks ago and it slipped our mind it was Father's Day but everyone was happy to go along with it still.

There was 8 of us all there plus DS and friends children. Our friends -"Anna" and "Jack" had their two older children and a newborn. All our other friends who were there don't have children but one couple is expecting their first baby.

I had a miscarriage not long ago and DH and I have decided that we are not going to have any more children. DH always wanted more and coming to this decision was hard for him especially.

Our friends are aware of the miscarriages that I've had and we've said that we don't want any more children. The main reason is that I can't go through another miscarriage but also DS was born with a rare condition that a new baby may have too.

At lunch Jack asked DH what DS has got him for Father's Day. I had spent quite a lot of money, I think maybe a bit out of guilt, and got him a new games console and games. Anna said she felt guilty because she only got Jack something small. Jack laughed then said "Well you've given me three children. I bet CharDee got DH that because she's never going to give him anymore babies." Nobody else laughed and one of our friends just said "That's a bit rude don't you think Jack? I think you should apologise."

Jack laughed it off and said "I didn't mean anything by it but Anna shouldn't have to feel bad about presents just because CharDee feels bad about not being able to have kids. I'm not overstepping here but we know she didn't want anymore anyway."

I just felt like shit and couldn't even bring myself to say anything. I just stood up and walked out. I got in the car and drove home. We only live a five minute drive away so when I got home I just text DH to apologise and asked him to either walk with DS or call when he's ready to leave. Not ten minutes later DH was home with DS and the other friends (with the exception of Anna and Jack) and suggested we order a takeaway instead and stay at home.

Jack has since sent me a message basically saying he uses humour in awkward situations and that he's sorry I didn't find it funny but thinks everyone leaving was an overreaction and asked if I could explain this to everyone that it's nothing to be offended over. I haven't replied because I honestly can't put in to words how I feel but now I'm slightly worried that I over reacted.

Was I wrong to leave the meal and then was it wrong for DH to leave and bring everyone home? Apparently DH said he was leaving and his friend (who is the one who asked Jack to apologise) suggested Jack and Anna stay and everyone else come to see me. I'm worried that I made the afternoon all about me when all I tried to do was not get in a ridiculous argument and cause a scene!

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 16/06/2019 17:40

Your friend Jack was really nasty, and then pretends it was meant to be a joke? Clue: jokes are meant to make the other person laugh not hurt them. It's lovely that your other friends have backed you up here.

IvanaPee · 16/06/2019 17:40

He’s a thunder cunt obviously but I’m disgusted at Anna’s attitude.

What a nasty pair of bastards.

RandomMess · 16/06/2019 17:41

Your friend is awesome 👏

DigiBay · 16/06/2019 17:43

You have some really good friends there OP :)

JammyGem · 16/06/2019 17:43

What a pair of complete cunts. The rest of your friends sound great though. I'm glad they've rallied around you OP.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 16/06/2019 17:44

You will have ended today better than you started - by being reminded how amazing your husband and friends are! Occasionally it takes awful situations to see the reality of people - for good and bad! And the good people in your life are pretty damn good!!

itswinetime · 16/06/2019 17:44

Let your friends handle it don't give either of them any time what so ever they aren't worth it!

Grumpelstilskin · 16/06/2019 17:45

So glad for your supportive DH and friends. And sorry for your loss Flowers

AhNowTed · 16/06/2019 17:46

First prize for zero self awareness.

Smug bastards.

FermatsTheorem · 16/06/2019 17:47

CharDee - what an awful, awful thing for Jack to have said. I am staggered by that. But thank goodness your DH and real friends have backed you up.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/06/2019 17:48

As said, I love the sound of your husband and I love the sound of your (proper) friends

Since Anna's attitude's now become clear (and this in addition to her disgusting previous remarks) at least you can move forward without the pair of them. No doubt they'll find others who are more in tune with their "humour" ... birds of a feather and all that?

Lizzie48 · 16/06/2019 17:51

Anna is clearly no better than her DH by the sounds of it. You're definitely well rid of the pair of them. It's great that your other friends have your back, OP.

CharDee · 16/06/2019 17:54

Thank you everyone for all your lovely comments and advice. I've blocked Jack but left Anna to see if she does actually reach out to me.

DH hasn't heard from Jack but he's just said that he asked him to play football one night this week so we'll see if he gets in touch or not.

OP posts:
Lunde · 16/06/2019 17:54

Well Jack and Anna certainly deserve each other don't they!

I would just block them and enjoy the lovely friends you have.

Megs4x3 · 16/06/2019 17:54

Throwing your drink over him, kicking over the table and storming out yelling obscenities at him wouldn’t have been an overreaction to comments like that. What a wonderful husband and friends you have!

With friends like that, who needs enmities? You will be better off without them, especially now you have a window into what they REALLY think of you. 👏👏👏 to you all. Horrible behaviour like this should always be called out.

Skyejuly · 16/06/2019 17:55

So Anna has reached out to your friend but not you....forget her x

FrancisCrawford · 16/06/2019 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 16/06/2019 17:57

It's all so very odd, isn't it?

From Anna saying that she felt guilty for getting something small to Jack not saying it was fine or telling her not to be so bloody ridiculous.

Twinkledontinkle · 16/06/2019 17:57

That’s unbelievable! I don’t think I could forgive either of them.

Provincialbelle · 16/06/2019 17:57

This wins thread of the day. I’m just so glad you, your DH and your friend handled it with such dignity and class. Jack and Anna can stew in their own shit, you’re better off without them.

SauvignonBlanche · 16/06/2019 17:58

Jack’s an obvious twat and Anna is clearly no better. Shock Angry

LorelaiRoryEmily · 16/06/2019 17:58

Jack is a dick. What a horrible thing to say. You handled it really well and so did your DH and friends. What a prick

Willyoubuymeahouseofgold · 16/06/2019 18:01

Don't reply to this twat... leave him to stew in his own humour

Antigon · 16/06/2019 18:02

Great response from friend to Anna!

This man cares about himself and his social standing not you, and he is trying to gaslight you into thinking you are the one in the wrong so you set the record straight with the other friends and he can be happy arsehole jack again. DO NOT reply. You don't need awful people like that in your life.

Totally this by @ilikecatsabittoomuch

Also, Anna has proved by keeping silent at the restaurant, her awful comments to you about your abortion and her following texts to other friend that she is the same as him.

Please don’t go to soft play with her, that would be validating the twat.

And I wouldn’t respond to Jack either.

FrankT · 16/06/2019 18:03

I really don't like Jack or Anna.
Sorry for your losses Flowers

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