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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at step children on father’s day

358 replies

Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 08:54

My darling step children really are something else. My husband is a great dad, does so much for them (as he should).

It’s their weekend with their mother but nevertheless they don’t live far away and we did see them the end of last week.

Eldest one is working and I gave him a little reminder - nothing, not even a text for his dad.

Youngest asked me to get her a gift and card (Following my reminder), I gave them to her and they are still sitting unwritten in her bedroom!

They are both prolific users of social media and not a single text or call.

I’m sad for DH. They’re old enough to know better.

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 16/06/2019 12:25

Have you ever heard the notion that you can’t change other people’s behaviour only your reaction to it.

Your dh’s children aren’t going anywhere, you sound like the only one miserable here.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/06/2019 12:25

Back off OP. It's barely lunchtime. I text my own dad a minute ago wishing him a happy FD. It's better than the 3 days late text I got from him on my birthday. It doesn't actually matter in the grand scheme of things does it?

Maybe you need a hobby?

avalanching · 16/06/2019 12:27

@Herewegoagain123 " wish we could just forget their birthdays!" Fuck me. I'm sure you would wish away their entire existence but I'm afraid they are part of the package, suck it up buttercup.

Original poster
Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 12:28

Jesus how many MN isms in one post? Anti SM at its best

OP posts:
DoctorDread · 16/06/2019 12:29

Yeah poor you op.

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2019 12:31

Anti SM at its best

No. Just anti the rubbish ones.

Original poster
Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 12:31

Here you are again jacques! Didn’t reply earlier and doing the same again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 12:34

Not a single original comment in many of these anti step mum posts, just the same old bitter ex wives spilling out the usual MN sentences applicable to step mums. Yawn!

OP posts:
PCohle · 16/06/2019 12:34

I really don't understand why you're getting so involved in this. It's for your DH to decide if his kids not contacting him by lunchtime on Father's Day is worth getting upset about - not you. He's not bothered so why on Earth are you?

You seem to be using this as an excuse to be pissed off with your supposedly selfish, awful step kids, creating a bad atmosphere in your house in the meantime.

womenspeakout · 16/06/2019 12:34

I feel bad for him. He’s not all that bothered it seems. It’s all over social media how people love their dads and his children couldn’t even be bothered to send a text! I wish we could just forget their birthdays!

Oh, you're not very nice, are you?

This isn't his birthday, and they are children, and his at that, not yours, and you're not their father.

The social media is all a scam anyway, it's not real.

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2019 12:36

Not a single original comment in many of these anti step mum posts, just the same old bitter ex wives spilling out the usual MN sentences applicable to step mums. Yawn!

You see the thing is, I feel rather like a competent authority on SM because my daughter has an amazing one. So just because you’re appalling, doesn’t mean they all are.

Try some critical thinking why not?

zonkin · 16/06/2019 12:37

It's not anti SMism. But interpret it like that if it makes you feel better.

avalanching · 16/06/2019 12:38

@Herewegoagain123 I'm not an ex wife, been with my husband since we were teenagers, still think you're being ridiculous and feel sorry for the kids 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 12:40

A competent authority because your daughter has an amazing one? Wow, what an ill judged comment. How on earth does that give you the right to even comment on step mums? You’re neither a step mum nor step child.

OP posts:
DoctorDread · 16/06/2019 12:40

I think we can see why your SD doesntvlike you Op. it's not pretty!

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2019 12:41

Wow, what an ill judged comment. How on earth does that give you the right to even comment on step mums? You’re neither a step mum nor step child

Do you need me to use smaller words?

PCohle · 16/06/2019 12:43

If you only want views from other step parents why not post on the step-parenting board? If you post on AIBU you're going to get views from people with a diverse range of experience and perspectives on blended families. (Personally I'd think that was a good thing, but apparently not...)

For what it's worth a lot of the SM's posting here seem to think you're being rude and that your behaviour is ill judged.

avalanching · 16/06/2019 12:43

@Herewegoagain123 I guess about as much authority as a SM has to tell her SC to remember Father's Day 🤷‍♀️

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/06/2019 12:45

Why don’t you plan something nice to do together today and let him know you appreciate him. You can’t do anything about what anyone else chooses to do. You’re getting very upset about this and it’s not helping you or your husband.

historysock · 16/06/2019 12:46

I don't think anyone is anti SM really... more a bit anti how irate you are OP, about Fathers Day and the potential lack of care your step children have shown.
I've got cards and bits for my kids to give their dad. They haven't written them yet and aren't that interested in doing so-I will make them do it before I drop them off at his later.
It doesn't mean they don't love him. They do. Immeasurably. It means they are being typical teenagers and are absorbed in their own little bubble.

I had to nag one of them to write me a Mother's Day card. It ended up being quite funny. Because I decided not to go off the deep end about something so unimportant-which is a choice you are not making...

NeatFreakMama · 16/06/2019 12:47

I don't really get the responses on this thread. Of course it's sad they forgot the day, it's horrible and a text isn't much to ask for!

NotACleverName · 16/06/2019 12:48

It’s all over social media how people love their dads and his children couldn’t even be bothered to send a text!

It's nauseating guff that people post for likes and attention.

Also, MN isn't anti-SM, I'd say it's more anti-arsehole. Which you are being when you make statements like this:

I wish we could just forget their birthdays!

Bluebell878275 · 16/06/2019 12:49

It's not your job to remind them. It's their own mums. Sounds like you are overstepping

This is not correct. It really is ok for SP's to also 'parent' once in a while. I'm constantly reminding and helping my SD to do things. I am 'like a mum' to her. I think some people expect us to be silent and invisible!

While I think the OP is over-reacting here, she was not over-stepping initially by reminding them of the day.

AuntGinny · 16/06/2019 12:49

The mistake you made was getting involved. At this age it's your SDCs responsibility to get him a card (or not!) You hassling them has just made you resentful. I bet your DH is picking up on the waves of venom you are aiming at his DCs. I would love to know their interpretation I bet it's very different from yours.

Cookit · 16/06/2019 12:50

Growing up we used to do cards and breakfast in bed etc for Mother’s and Father’s Days but when we had our own children DP and I agreed that we wouldn’t celebrate. It’s just like Valentine’s Day - I don’t see the point at all in a day where you’re specifically told that you have to make a fuss of someone, it doesn’t seem very genuine.
I’m sure he will get over it. As long as they are generally nice to their Dad i don’t see that you have a problem.