To be mad at step children on father’s day

[Herewegoagain123]

My darling step children really are something else. My husband is a great dad, does so much for them (as he should).

It’s their weekend with their mother but nevertheless they don’t live far away and we did see them the end of last week.

Eldest one is working and I gave him a little reminder - nothing, not even a text for his dad.

Youngest asked me to get her a gift and card (Following my reminder), I gave them to her and they are still sitting unwritten in her bedroom!

They are both prolific users of social media and not a single text or call.

I’m sad for DH. They’re old enough to know better.

To complain that someone is stalking you because they've commented about your previous, relevant thread on your current thread and then go read through 'stalker's' previous posts that have nothing to do with your thread to justify yourself?? OMG the irony!! The lack of self awareness is mind boggling. Is this how you interact with ypur step children?

I don't understand why you are in a tizz about it.

I’m venting my opinion and frustration on an anonymous forum. I haven’t and will not day anything to DH or his children.

Despite what many seem to think I am allowed an opinion. This is my life too, the children are with us a lot and although I have disengaged a lot, their poor behaviour (and I am not necessarily referring to today here) affects me greatly.

Teenagers are hard to deal with even when they are your own, when they are step children it’s even harder!

OP, you sound mean and snarky.

just that, really. maybe have a think about it, i dunno. self-reflection is always a good thing, and might make your world a happier place.

or, just crack on with the martyr thing. whichever.

Well this escalated

I say again the card and gift are still in her bedroom, unwritten. All she had to do was write it and leave it for him. She’s had it a week
Of course that's poor behaviour on behalf of a 15yo. For one, she shouldn't have asked you to get him something on her behalf at her age. Then to not be bothered to do anything about it out of order.

However, what will tell more about her is whether she feels bad about her poor behavioir or doesn't think twice about it. I can imagine my DS acting the same at 14 but when he realised, he would genuinely be mortified and show it one way or the other, probably acting extra nice for next few days! In the two years he has matured, he has become much more considerate.

Have the children been in touch yet?

Yes OP you are allowed an opinion...and so is everyone else.

One this is certain, if later on the kids (or even one of them) turns up with a card you won’t be telling us here.

No neither have been in touch yet. Yes I’ll tell you if they do.

I never bothered with Mothers or Father’s Day as a teenager. I was a typical selfish, self absorbed teenager and it really didn’t mean a thing to me at the time. I think many teenagers feel this way, it’s nothing personal.

Does sound to me Op that this has been on your mind in the days running up to today and you have woke up this morning and jumped on the fact they haven’t communicated with their DF yet. I’m guessing you feel more upset by it than your DP. My son hasn’t risen from his bed yet and my daughter isn’t yet home from a party last night. My DH is chilled about it. My view, like any other celebration days, is that you should care about people in your life every day and not just one day a year. Let your DP discuss with his DCs if he’s bothered by the situation, but don’t create issues where none exist.

Despite what many seem to think I am allowed an opinion. This is my life too, the children are with us a lot and although I have disengaged a lot, their poor behaviour (and I am not necessarily referring to today here) affects me greatly.

But this is about Fathers Day, if your DH is bothered, if he feel his DC's are selfish he needs to act.

If this is a bigger issue that is affecting your relationship you need to have that conversation with him and if he sees an issue he still needs to act.

Being married to a man with children requires some compromise ( I am too). My step children don't always behave how I expect ( but then neither do my own DS's or my DIL) but some of that is about their family expectations, how they have been raised by their own family prior to me, or in the case of my own DS's the influence of their DF.
I might disagree, I might not like their behavior at times but I accept that it is just 'different' to my expectations and just because it is different it doesn't necessarily mean it's 'wrong'.

the children are with us a lot

But..... but you said you only have them every other weekend?! Didn't you?? Maybe I misread

Teenagers are hard to deal with even when they are your own, when they are step children it’s even harder!

But you've made it harder by disengaging yet still continuing to have expectations of them. Either you've disengaged and want no part of the step parent role (which is what disengaging is) or you're going to keep a mental list of their faults and continually add to it til the day you no longer have contact.

The resentment that spills from your posts is very sad to read. It's difficult enough having step parents, let alone ones who dislike you. You really are going to reap what you sew one day.

My SC didn't bother either. No cards, no texts, no nothing. When they were younger I used to remind them and grab a card and a little something from them. Now they are older I leave them to it. It can upset DP, but it's not my responsibility to force them to write cards etc, it shouldn't be yours either. Let it go.

Take him out - you appreciate him, if no one else does

OP, do you have children? Either yours from a previous relationship, or yours and your husband’s?

If so, what time they they give him cards this morning?

It's just another opportunity to have a go
at the DC, disguised as faux concern with the accompanying pained expression.

@Herewegoagain123

No neither have been in touch yet. Yes I’ll tell you if they do.
Pretty sure you won’t.

I would have left the step kids to it. If they want to give him a card or pressie they will. If they don't it's on them. If he's a bit disappointed then that's fine too - you don't need to "fix" this. Being permanently a bit disappointed seems to come with the territory of parenting a teen unfortunately. They're just teen kids. A bit of thoughtlessness is to be expected and it doesn't mean they don't love or care about their dad. You must know that as the adult, right? Honestly, this isn't worth your time or energy. You mention disengaging on another thread (someone quoted from) and maybe that's the thing to do here. Don't sweat the small stuff and all that.

God I never bothered with father's day as a teenager. DH had forgotten all about father's day this year - he only remembered an hour ago when me and DS gave him a card and a cup of tea and croissant for breakfast. He still hasn't sent his own dad a text and if I don't nag him to he probably won't.

@ghanagirl and that opinion is based on your vast knowledge of me is it?

You may think he's a great dad, they may have very different ideas. Children usually do.

^This

Also as you have a bad relationship with them they are likely to resent your tuppensworth so maybe passively aggressively ignoring it because of you. Back off.

FD and MD is so overrated, it's not even funny.

They will connect sometime throughout the day if they want to. Move on with your day.

I feel bad for him. He’s not all that bothered it seems. It’s all over social media how people love their dads and his children couldn’t even be bothered to send a text! I wish we could just forget their birthdays!