AIBU to ask what is the most batshit thing you've heard about yourself?

[Totur]

I come from a small town.
Among things I've heard was that I had gone to have an abortion when I had moved to work/travel in Holland.
And the most unbelievable of all was a colleague who I didn't know well telling me quite emphatically that my dd was Italian. It took her seeing a photo of my mixed race dd to acknowledge that my dd's father was not Italian.

There are loads more. E.g. my brother repeated A levels to get into medicine and the rumour was that he had failed his A levels.
Just mad stuff really!

Oh and I had shagged half the country despite remaining a virgin until 20!

When I was at college I heard that I was on crack and, because my education maintenance allowance didn't go far enough for my habit, I used to give handjobs to men for a bit of extra cash.

Several months after the rumour had started, I heard that I was supposed to be anorexic.

At the time I was very slim, but far from painfully thin.

The person who told me also told me who'd started the rumour, a so-called friend who based it on the fact that I'd turned down the offer of biscuits at her house - probably custard creams which I don't like anyway.

She was overweight but not excessively so, and and permanently on a diet she never stuck to, always breaking it with cakes and biscuits.
According to her reasoning, anyone who turned down biscuits just had to be anorexic.
I think she just couldn't accept that anyone could be a naturally small eater, and not addicted to cakes and biscuits.
I never confronted her with it, but did tend to avoid her after that.

I used to work in an small office with a bunch of bitches one night out although I did get drunk apparently I was so drunk I threw up in a plant pot (not that drunk )and tried to snog the bosses son (would have to been feckin so drunk for that 😯 ) I was happily married with a young baby and couldn't believe they would talk about me like that left soon after

Glitterfairy perhaps you were reported by a rival chef! 🎂🎂🍝🍝

That i was having an affair with my boss! I have known him years, know his wife and kids, never even looked at him that way! Apparently we "worked late a few times together" - yes probably on a response to an invitation to tender or something!

I was held back after class by my teacher in first year senior (teacher also being my junior house mistress) as a parent of another lass in my class (who I barely knew) had rang in to complain about me. The reason why - apparently I'd told her daughter that my uncle was the manager of Take That, and I'd said she could go and meet them. There were three problems with this. For a start I don't think I'd ever had a proper conversation with this lass about anything, secondly I was not into pop music and barely knew who Take That were, and thirdly my uncle's job was nothing like managing a band. And for the record I'd definitely not concocted a lie about it either.

It was a really strange thing for her to have made up, and then to get her mother, and consequently the school, involved in as well. Luckily my teacher believed me on the spot (I think the look of utter confusion on my face helped somewhat!) and it was never mentioned since.

That I'd had an affair with the new boss. Not even remotely true, I'd worked with him in a past role so just knew him a bit more than the rest of the team did.

Apparently, I'd started taking cocaine at work. Never touched cocaine in my life.

That I was on antidepressants. This was 10 years ago when I met my now husband. I wasn't (no problem with anyone who is) but he still doesn't believe me to this day!

At school I was rumoured to be going out with a geography teacher. I wasnt-but a girl in the the above, who had the same name as me (first and surname) was.

About 10 years ago I was really struggling, and the doctor prescribed antidepressants. One of the side effects was weight gain, and as I was pretty petite the weight went straight to my belly. I had soo many people ask if I was pregnant, and just wouldn’t believe I wasn’t. It was so hard for me hearing the rumours, and just made me feel ten times worse.

An exs friend said not only had I gotten married he was a witness then had a fight with my brother who pulled him up on it obviously close siblings don't go to family wedding or get told about them. No idea what that was about .
My poor mum phoned me years ago in a panic she was out had bumped into an old school friend of mine who offered condolences as I'd apparently died she was working away didn't know (I'd been in hospital for 2 weeks mum was getting my shopping) no idea how/why people gets these rumours from

I'm dead apparently.

I would understand more if I was elderly but I'm early 30s and first became aware of this in my late 20s when the new manager of one of my customers turned out to be an old school friend.

Phoned them up one day and they were like "Buc? Buc from school?? I heard you'd died!!"

Has come up a few time in the years since and always with people from school who I've not seen for years.

That the reason me and my ex broke up is cos I beat him up! Conveniently circumvented the fact he'd been shagging around all over whilst I was at work and he dossed about all day. It would have been more believable if he wasn't a nearly 6'3 ex marine and I'm 5'4 and tiny. Oh he also ran up a nearly £300 phone bill chatting up other women whilst I was away at a funeral and then had the gall to be pissed off when I kept that amount back from my half of the rent/other bills before I left (and I left mid month but paid for the whole month's worth of rent/bills too) I look back at that relationship and think I must have been on drugs the entire time!!!!

In college so (17 odd years ago) That my dad was Mohammed Al fayad. Bizarre as I don't look Egyptian at all......I'm very pale and fair pasty and it was a bog standard college not privately educated or anything!

Bucca.....that reminds me, I had a hysterectomy a few back. A couple of weeks later my husband wandered into our local and the landlord offered his condolences. Rumour mill in the pub was I'd died. My husband said 'I hope not, she was watching Eastenders 5 minutes ago.'

few years back

I was 12 and having some trouble with a few boys in my year who wouldn't stop harrassing me.

One day, someone leaned over to me during D.T and asked if it was true that I'd lost my temper and punched and tried to bite my older brother in the nads

I went home and asked my brother why people seemed to think this. He'd started the rumour to make the boys leave me alone

It worked though!

A few months after I had a promotion someone said something like “well it wasn’t a surprise really given your conditions” I must have looked totally bamboozled as they said “you know, when you interviewed for this place originally you said you’d only take the job if you were guaranteed a promotion within two years”

I near died laughing and they had the decency to look horrendously embarrassed.

Oh and not so much a rumour but my Gran, who I used to be extremely extremely close to, became very weird when I was pregnant, was even stranger for around six months after my kids were born, and I haven’t heard or seen from her in about two/two and a half years. The only communication we’ve had it when I sent her an invite to my wedding and she RSVP’d no.

When people ask what’s going on given that we were so close before she tells people it’s because I didn’t get her a birthday card one year ?!

Families.

DSd Mother tried to spread the rumour that I was a 'Coke-head'. I've never touched drugs in my life. That's probably one of the least harmful lies she has told though.

...that I've got my life together...

My awful SIL told people that I couldn't have kids, and that she had offered to be a surrogate for us, which we were apparently considering.

When I asked her why she made up such shite, she said that she wanted to see people's faces when she told them she was going to be pregnant with her brothers baby.

We are NC for the last decade

I was surprised to find out I was apparently having a affair.

Actually, they were so convinced, that I spent the rest of the evening wondering if I was having an affair and somehow hadn't noticed!

I'm somewhat relieved to find that it's been a common one on this thread.

That I was an undercover police officer, I must be because I went into another room to answer the phone whenever it rang.

No I just didn't want my abusive mother to overhear any chat or background noise while stuck on the call with her. She would have used anything as a weapon to emotionally abuse me!

That's fucked up