AIBU to ask what is the most batshit thing you've heard about yourself?

[Totur]

I come from a small town.
Among things I've heard was that I had gone to have an abortion when I had moved to work/travel in Holland.
And the most unbelievable of all was a colleague who I didn't know well telling me quite emphatically that my dd was Italian. It took her seeing a photo of my mixed race dd to acknowledge that my dd's father was not Italian.

There are loads more. E.g. my brother repeated A levels to get into medicine and the rumour was that he had failed his A levels.
Just mad stuff really!

Oh and I had shagged half the country despite remaining a virgin until 20!

Wearing a pentacle means I worship Satan and make blood sacrifices

And they won't be educated, either.

That an ex friends husband thought I would sleep with him if he wanted.

That I am a lesbian. Got gay bashed as a result.

That I walk 10 miles into work. It started when it was a snowy day and I was late in as the bus took ages as the roads were bad. It then took ages to walk from the bus station to the office as the pavements were slippery.

This somehow got translated into I had walked 10 miles in the snow to get in. Then that I do this every day.

I still get people saying "you walk to work, don't you". No matter how many times I explain, no, I get the bus.

Apparently everyone at work thought it was a lesbian and were very surprising that I married my DH.
There's an unusual amount of lesbians at my workplace, and they're all friends and socialise together etc. Quite pally. I wasn't part of this friendship group, apart from the usual workplace friendliness.

So, I was most miffed to find out that for about 5 years they thought I was "one if them" bit wasn't invited to be part of the friendships group....I was an ostracized lesbian

I went to a bitchy school. A girl spread a rumour about me saying she saw me shagging someone in an alleyway. I didn't find out until many months after as nobody told me - they didn't believe her (i'd stopped being friends with her and her crew and as a result was pretty much alone for the last year of sixth form) (i had friends but did not trust anyone) - but it was a year of self growth for me and looking back i enjoyed the feeling of less drama
I lost my virginity in my mid twenties lol.

I was once called out of the blue by the partner of one of DH's work colleagues telling me that DH was having an affair.
She had seen him out mid week with another woman. One with very long red hair. On my birthday.
Yes, I replied, we were out at that particular restaurant on that day, and yes I have (had) very long red hair
Turned out that she had told everyone she knew and called me last - now I had never met this person before so I was utterly bemused by the call.

I was seen giving a male friend a hug. We were having a private moment, at his Dads funeral (well the drinks afterwards). So we were clearly having an affair.

I’ve been pregnant every day since I turned 14-in 41 now-I just keep on having abortions
I’m a druggie/drug dealer
I don’t work even tho I do part time-I lie about having a job
I’m a hooker
My partner is my pimp
I’ve slept with my partners dad-and my mil knows about it (I adore them both but not that much!)
I’m a swinger
I’ve died about 4 times

I moved 136 miles away to get away from these muppets I used to call family

Have been accused of having an affair with a dad at my son's school. SILs best friend saw him getting into my car with his one-year-old. I was giving them a lift home as it was pouring it down! Thankfully DH knew it was nonsense the second his sister told him.

That I had a sex dungeon in the cellar of my house, filled with bdsm paraphernalia. I’ve never so much as had a house with a cellar! That one went on for years!

That I was trying to kill my housemate's cat. ☝🏻 massive cat lover here by the way! Couldn't harm a hair on their pretty little heads.

That I was a total bitch who threw out a former housemate, and because of me he ended up living in a tent.

What actually happened was, he fell out with his mum and started living in a tent. I needed somewhere to live so we rented a place together. We had to move after a year and were going to rent another flat together - but he moved back in with his mum instead (we'd been viewing places, a mutual friend had to tell me he had no plans to actually move in), leaving me with a week to find a room

I have very large boobs, so much so I once had a consultation about a reduction. I eventually decided against it because I was scared of the anaesthetic and painful recovery.

My (bat shit crazy) SIL thinks they are fake boobs and that I have had at least one enlargement and has convinced a lot of other relations that this is true. I discovered this when her (adult) daughter asked me who had done my boob jobs as she was thinking of having similar surgery.

That I'm gay and was in a relationship with my best friend (in itself not the funny bit - happened to be untrue but there would have been nothing wrong with it being true). The funny bit was that the rumour was unwittingly delivered, by someone who didn't really know either of us well and had never met the man she was talking to before, to my friend's boyfriend.

He had great fun probing for extra, salacious details, before pointing out she was talking crap .

That my eldest dd had died. I had just moved her primary school.

That I was now divorced from a business man after a long marriage. I had never even met this man. This came from a local solicitor I visited on a matter relating to conveyancing.

Oh and I was actually separated from my real (not fake) husband. We have been married 34 years.

That I tell everyone I work in local government, when I really work in Card Factory but am too stuck up to admit it. Very random, because 1) I'd work anywhere if I needed the money, and 2) I'm honestly not stuck up, 3) I'd never met the person who told me until that point. She lived down the road but we'd never spoken.

We moved family home when I was 14 still In same town but better area and nicer house we had apperntly won the lottery all my dads hard work 12 hour shifts at the nuclear plant was for nothing 😂 was told this about 5 years later. also was pregnant every month since I was 14 to about 10 different guys. I only have 3 kids I'm 26 now. And the best one was I set an abandoned building on fire for the laughs. Wasnt even in town the day it happened.

That i lied about being pregnant and giving birth. My bump was tiny and baby was in scbu for 4 weeks so neighbours obviously saw me alone.

I found out many years after 'the event' that colleagues in a large female only office had assumed I'd had an abortion. I remember putting on 1.5 stones in weight a few months after my wedding and then going on a Limits biscuit diet for a month and losing the weight. It was over 10 years later in a discussion on abortion that a colleague (in front of others) tried to get me to admit to having had one. I couldn't believe they thought that considering I ate my 2 measly Limits biscuits at my desk every lunchtime for a month.

do you mind me asking who broke the silence and finally told you about the rumor?

Someone I didn't know very well at the time and only really spoke to properly for the first time last weekend. So just a chance encounter really.

He wasn't someone who'd been involved in the gossip but he had heard it. But he didn't know me well enough at the time to have defended me or ask me about it.

He has no loyalty to the people concerned so wasn't going against the crowd, as such, by telling me.

Although, I have been seen out and about recently with this friend which has restirred the rumours with a bit of a "and it's still going on after all this time, see I told you it was true" aspect to it.

I've been out socially a lot with this friend in the mean time, just not anywhere where we've been seen by the gossipmongers.

Interestingly, a couple of them saw me out with a different male friend last week too so goodness knows what they'll be saying about me now!!

That my sister and DP are having trouble in their marriage. This comes from a male family member who is a total gossip and makes things up. They bickered in front of him while dealing with a tantruming kid, and now according to him and half the village they are on the brink of a divorce.

The local kids being afraid of me because I am a witch.
I am a witch but it does make me laugh. I'm not planning on cooking and eating them?

I had some time off work and when I came back someone said to me "there have been loads of rumours about you!"

I said "like what?!" and they said they had heard I had been sacked

That I was posh and stuck up. I was just shy! The person had that first impression did learn the truth (uncouth, skint but friendly!) is now a very dear friend. And helped me overcome some shyness with new people.