AIBU to ask what is the most batshit thing you've heard about yourself?

[Totur]

I come from a small town.
Among things I've heard was that I had gone to have an abortion when I had moved to work/travel in Holland.
And the most unbelievable of all was a colleague who I didn't know well telling me quite emphatically that my dd was Italian. It took her seeing a photo of my mixed race dd to acknowledge that my dd's father was not Italian.

There are loads more. E.g. my brother repeated A levels to get into medicine and the rumour was that he had failed his A levels.
Just mad stuff really!

Oh and I had shagged half the country despite remaining a virgin until 20!

That I'm gay. When I started in my current job I received various emails about the organisations's LGBT groups: emails addressed to me, rather than general circulars. I couldn't work out why until a colleague tentatively suggested: 'Well, you are a lesbian, aren't you?'. Me: 'Er, no'.

It's happened on other occasions too so I guess I must just present in a manner that leads other people to that conclusion

Apparently my leg had come off after an accident. I’d lost a big chunk of the calf, but my leg is still very much attached!

At school, I went to a mate’s birthday party. Her elder sister was in my brother’s year and several of her year group were there, including the boyfriend of one of my classmates. We talked a fair bit, probably because my brother was in his class etc. According to his gf, I wanted to steal him from her and she tried to fight me. I was like wtf?! I think the bloke was on a wind up with her, cos she kept raising this and he kept asking about me, not helpful!

That I wasn't a virgin because I'd been seen at the doctor's with 'a boy', I was actually seeing the doctor to get help with MH issues and one of my (male) best friends came with me for support (to make sure I actually went through with it) I was 17/18 at the time so hardly an issue if I was having sex
We are still friends 25 years later and haven't slept with eachother

When I started a new school when I was 16 I had a photo of my older brother (by 10 years) and me as my profile picture, queue rumours I was in a long distance relationship with a 26year old solider and when he came to visit everyone was shocked that my parents let him stay over. Nobody would believe me that he was my brother 😂😷

Also that I got myself pregnant and tricked dh into it (it was very much his idea) and another that I was faking being pregnant from the same poisonous cow. 🙄

That I was dead. I did work experience at a car place and someone spread a rumour that a car dropped on me and crushed me. My MySpace page was flooded with condolences.

Ha. I heard that I'd been sleeping with my uncle and my son, I had him at young age, was his. I'd kind of hope it's obvious that that's not true.

That I had run away with the fair ground and was living with the boy who ran the ghost train in a caravan with a broken leg. I'd left my hometown and gone to Uni!

I’ve supposedly pinched 2 women’s husbands. My low maintenance hair/make up is a ploy to catch them. I’m happily married and adore my husband.

I have social services involved heavily with my family due to my kids.

I actually Do work with SS but it’s nothing to do with the kids lol.

@MulberryPeony - What's an SHL please?! Google has no answers unless you and DH have been mistaken for a pair of psychometric testing papers!

At school, as a flat chested, completely undeveloped, timid, never-looked-at-a-boy type, there was a rumour that my gorgeous nephew was my child. I was never off school, no bump (no boobs either) so apparently had him in the July/Aug summer holidays (despite him being born in Feb).

My much older sister was always happy for me to take her son out, and he was so so cute. Hence he must be mine as I spent so much time with him.
I still love him even though he is now 6ft 4!

sorry I was a 12 year old school girl.

My best friend moved to the countryside, some of her neighbours believed we went together as a couple to start a new life.

Somebody once reported me to the council for running an illegal catering business from my apartment. They said they had seen up to 10 people a day leave my place with brown bags of food and could see plastic food containers piled up on my table through the window To this day this is still the most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard. I manage to burn water never mind cook professionally and hadn’t I had a visitor at my place in at least 4 years at that time

That I am Jewish. I’m not, and have no connection in my family or friends to anyone who is.

I also don’t pick up dog shit after walking my three dogs which I walk early morning and last thing at night so no one sees me walk off from the poop. I don’t own one dog, let alone three so there is no shit to pick up. People are weird.

I’m a mother of 3 and I keep the other two hidden away. I’m a mum of one and would love to know where harry potters friends are, under the cupboard under the stairs!!

@BetsyBigNose a shit hot lawyer.

@MulberryPeony Ahhh, I see - thank you!

I love these!

I worked in a local government office when I was in my 30s and wow it as a rumour mill. I think people didn't have enough to do!

Rumours about me included:

1.affair with married man

1. also lesbian
2. pregnant
3. that I'd screamed at someone to shut their mouth (a disgruntled direct report spread that one, thankfully people knew me well enough not to believe it)

5.that I was knocked up

1. that I was dating the barista at the coffee shop

Also my boss did this weird thing of making up a rumour to your face as a way of snooping/fishing. Like she'd say:'I heard you applied for that job in another department.' 'I heard you are putting in a request for a transfer' 'I heard you had a big argument with X'

At first I'd be like, 'What? Where did you hear that?' Then I wised up and would just say,, 'Nice try'.

Apparently I am half Thai/Vietnamese but I don't want to admit to it.

A Vietnamese friend of mine finds this hilarious (only non Asian people have the theory it seems).

Years ago a 'good friend' of mine told work colleagues that I was the reason for the break up of her marriage. When I found out several months later that she'd told everyone I was having an affair with hubby, I was horrified and so embarrassed. My true friends hadn't told me as they'd instantly dismissed it as ridiculous but plenty of people who half knew me seemed to believe it. In the end the truth came out - yes, SHE was having an affair, not hubby. To this day I still don't understand why she said those things about me. I never spoke to her again...

That I'm going to turn my (then 5 year old) son gay by allowing him to dress up in dresses and watch My Little Pony.

Don't you just love Mother-in-laws

That I was sleeping with a man I'd been seen with in a club. A gay bar. He's gay and happily married

That I'm racist. I'd said something to a friend about 'one of her sort'. This was immediately translated to me being a raging racist. There was an inside joke at the time with her, about Volvo drivers, and a dickhead driving a Volvo had almost run me off the road that morning. I got pulled into an office but nobody believed me until my friend also went in and explained

When I was a teenager a rumour went round that I made my boyfriend have sex with the doctor who theme tune playing in the background...????

That I had HIV

When I was 17 I went to college in the nearest city...I quite after 5 months as the travel was too much and I decided the course wouldn't give me the right standing for the future.
A couple of years later I went out clubbing with my sister. I bumped into one of the girls I went to college with. she asked me how the baby was...I had no idea what she was on about.
Aparantly a rumour had gone around the college that I had a fling with the 'fit' PE teacher and got pregnant so that's why I left. I'd never even spoke to the guy never mind had his baby