AIBU to ask what is the most batshit thing you've heard about yourself?

[Totur]

I come from a small town.
Among things I've heard was that I had gone to have an abortion when I had moved to work/travel in Holland.
And the most unbelievable of all was a colleague who I didn't know well telling me quite emphatically that my dd was Italian. It took her seeing a photo of my mixed race dd to acknowledge that my dd's father was not Italian.

There are loads more. E.g. my brother repeated A levels to get into medicine and the rumour was that he had failed his A levels.
Just mad stuff really!

Oh and I had shagged half the country despite remaining a virgin until 20!

That I'm refusing to have children with DH as I'm too wrapped up in my job.

After 3 cycles of fertility treatment and a bum like a pin cushion that one surprised me a little.

Ah like mine above then itsmesoitis. I heard that one too.

Sorry to hear about your struggles. Be kind to yourselves

That I slept with a friends 16 year old son and had an affair with the same friends sisters husband. Although the person that made this up was having a break down at the time and now realises none of its true. At the time it was so odd.

Seemingly i won loads on the lottery, i retired in my late 40s after working and saving like hell. I have a small house(2 beds) near the coast, my car is old and i shop in Lidl ( was my local shop in Germany) but i do buy what i like, go away loads (on a tight budget) and spend my life doing what i feel like doing so i suppose i have won the lottery in a way

@SongforSal Glad to see I'm not the only 'flaunter'

God knows what he was supposed to have been saying to said breasts, unless it was ‘No thanks’!

I obviously don't know your colleague, but a lot of gay men talk about breasts; touch breasts; comment on breasts. It's allowed you see; cos they're gay...

That I have had several threesomes with people I don't even know!
That I kidnapped and held a girl hostage in the boot of my car!! That actually happened but it was the girl who lived in my flat after me. It started because "do you know the girl from ??? , well she has been done for kidnap."

That I caused my DH and his ex to break up and I lured him away. The truth is we met 6 months after they separated and she'd moved 300 miles away, so not too sure how I could have achieved it! We've been together for 3 years and DH has only just learnt this rumour exists. We don't know the source but he has his suspicions. It also explains why he was blanked by some mutual friends they had when he tried to contact them on fb etc.

That I was in an open marriage. My exH told his best friend this after she threatened to tell me about an affair he was having.

She asked me if it was true after I very publicly chucked him out years later when I found out about his cheating. I was flabbergasted and so was she that she had been duped by him all those years ago.

She’s no longer friends with him I’m happy to report.

I married young and, when I was 20 my husband cheated so I left and moved to another country as a job opportunity had come up that we had secretly been considering together. This was before social media and cell phones so contact with friends was sporadic. I also buried my head in this new country, embarrassed my marriage had broken down and my mother had been right all along. Also with it being an amazing country my family were only too happy to visit me and enjoy the free lodgings (so I didnt return to the UK for 7 years). When I moved home I found my ex had today all our friends and my work colleagues that I was pregnant, had not wanted the baby so had left him. Apparently I took all his money (we were students and neither worked so not a penny between us!) and skipped the country and he had no idea if I had aborted the child or not. He suspected this is why I had not been back to the UK - to hide his child. He dined off this sympathy of the bitch wife who took his money and killed his child for 7 years until I returned! Still not sure some people believe me that its a load of crap and I left because he couldnt keep his dick in his pants.

Cruelest rumour was that I was faking a miscarriage. The worst thing was I was actually going through one and I was devastated.

Weirdest one is that apparently I held a sword up against my flatmates throat and threatened to kill her. 🙄 I only found out when I came back from a holiday to find my sword had been taken out my room by my landlady. It's bollocks of course

The sword I owned was a ritual sword. I am a pagan and wouldn't have done much damage even if wanted to.

My Mum came home from work one day and asked if I was pregnant. Her colleague had heard through the grapevine and congratulated her. As we were from a very small town I suspected the origin.

They had also years before when I worked with them started a rumour they had walked in on me and my colleague at it on the office desk - I found that one out from the colleague I was supposed to have been with 🤨.

This was a 70 year old man who started these all. He was normally the source of all the rumours and I never really understood where he got pleasure in it from.

Years after this happened I read in the local paper he’d been shot by a local man after starting a particularly vicious rumour about the mans girlfriend. 😳

I have heard some bizarre rumours about myself.
Firstly when I was 17 that I shagged every security guard who worked in our local shopping complex.
I dated one security guard for 7 months!

Secondly when I came off Facebook that I had apparently died. I’m very much alive!

Thirdly I apparently stabbed my ex partner. It was actually him that attacked me.

The latest one is that I’m a pisshead and out every night. I work night shifts at the local hospital and I don’t drink because I have Inflammatory Bowel Disease.

The joys of growing up and living in the same town all your life. People chat shit 🙄

In the kindest way, it's actually been really helpful for me reading this thread!

My rumour revelation is only a few days old and I've been a bit stunned by it, tbh. Angry at the people who've spread the lies; disappointed in the people who believed it and should have known better; sad that it contributed to the end of a relationship.

But I feel far less alone now!

And, actually, it says a lot more about the inadequacies of the people who start and spread these than it ever does about us!

I went to an Eid celebration once, apparently that meant I was converting to Islam.

Someone told my boyfriend at the time that I was handy with my fists...no idea where that came from as I have never been in a fight in my life!

A uni friend told his fiancee and mother of his child that I really fancied him back in the day.

Same friend also texted my ex boyfriend every time we saw each other (in a big friend group so almost weekly) for months after we broke up "in case" he thought something was going on between us.

I have no idea why he thought this. I only found out a few months ago and all this happened in 2012. Weird!

That's I'm a spoilt brat who gets everything handed to her on a plate.

Ironically my family never had money spare, we only just about got by, especially after my parents divorce, my dad became bitter and wouldnt even give us £2 lunch money, my mum didnt have a job so obviously no spare money.

I've never been bought up on branded items or bought anything branded.. until last year my other half did get me a designer purse for my birthday, it's the first thing I own that is designer or has any value.

Ige worked since I was 13/14, as soon as I had a job and an income I had to pay board and pay my phone bill, I've never questioned it, it's fair I pay my way. havent been out of a job since, now have a stable career and what I do have only I have paid for.

I have no idea where the rumour came from but hey ho.

Oh some hilarious ones..

Years ago when I had a council bedsit on a very small estate (really, just one big cul-de-sac) where most of the residents were elderly, one neighbour decided I really shouldn't live there as I wasn't old.

She spread around that I was a prostitute and a paedo on the grounds that I had young boys coming to my flat, and other older men in and out.

The 'young boys' were my friends 12 year old daughter who had a shaved head, and my own 17 year old sister who also had a very short haircut.
The men were - my actual boyfriend, my best mates boyfriend who lived downstairs (with my best mate), and a gay male friend.

At one time walking my dog around the communal garden and back street, I discovered some needles discarded by drug users - I put a couple of bricks over them and rang the council, but let a few of the neighbours who had visiting grand kids who played in that area know that there were needles so don't let the kids play there til the council have cleaned up... responsible no?

No apparently I WAS A DRUG DEALER.... K' then..

Oh and a few years ago I discovered that an ex boyfriend I'd dated briefly oooh.. 10 years earlier, and who had been happily married to someone for at least 8 years... told a mutual friend that he 'knew I was still in love with him'...

I had not spoken to him in at least 9 years!

Appently I was having a lesbian relationship with my best friend in high school-we were both straight.

I was cheating on my husband-curtesy of MIL.

Haha last night I apparently threatened someone with a broken glass in my local. No.

What actually happened:

I witnessed an assault against a man. The guy was unconscious. Bar staff were scared re Police as they'd served the person responsible knowing they were hammered...they wouldn't let me check if he was breathing etc or ring an ambulance (presumably because of the police being involved).

I admit being frustrated and bashed my wine glass hard on the bar. It shattered. I apologised immediately and was asked to leave which I did. Willingly. I was told today I'm barred for 6 weeks for threatening someone with the glass.

Uh what? The glass was immediately removed by the various bar staff and I was standing about 50 yards away when I was told I was barred for 24 hours.

It's not in my nature to confront anyone lol!!

Whilst we were still together an ex partner told his bit on the side that the reason I still rang him now and then was because I was stalking him as I was pregnant with his child 🤷‍♀️. Totally untrue he was a lying cheating bastard.

30 years ago, married 2 weeks, 2 weeks into new teaching job in Spain.I'd been dumped with the whole infant school for the afternoon so did art. Parent said this wasn't acceptable in a fee paying school - I should have been actually teaching, and he'd heard I'd been seen getting initimate with male teachers in the playground!!! Obviously, with all the children around, me 27 and not one male teacher under the age of 50. WTF!

Apparently I had been having an affair with a married man. It was news to me and I also lived 100 miles away 🤦‍♀️

I was getting married to a gypsy as soon as I turned 16 - I didn’t even have a boyfriend. Source was my friend who didn’t want me to have a boyfriend when she didn’t have one?

I was having an affair with my boss - he was actually having an affair with someone else in the organisation so partly true. I was getting married at the time. Source was a colleague who was jealous that I left for a better job and how else would I have done that without shagging someone?

That me and DH are SHLs. Neither of us are. DH has also been mistaken for a prison warden which he is also not. Source a school parent and shop assistant just based on how we dressed?

That DH and I weren’t together anymore. Source a school parent but I don’t think there was any malicious intent. We used to do set drop off and pick ups so I can only presume that meant DC were at dads x times a week?