Does a messy home negatively affect a child's upbringing?

[MaryPopppins]

A friend of mine has gone away for the week and as an emergency needed me to feed her cats and let them in and out as her mum is also away and normally does it.

I've only been in her living room and kitchen before. They're both very cluttered, no space on sides anywhere. And lots of collections. But I guess I'm used to it and look past it as kids are normally running round playing and we only tend to pop in for an hour or two here and there.

But today saw the bedrooms and bathroom for the first time. And was really quite shocked and saddened.

(It's a bungalow, you have to pass the kids 2 bedrooms and the bathroom to get into the lounge and kitchen, wasn't snooping. Normally the doors are shut.)

The kids bedrooms were covered. I can't quite figure out how they get into and out of bed. And the bath was piled high with dirty washing and towels. Toilet all brown, even the seat, sink full of bath toys. Every windowsill is full of stuff so they wouldn't be able to open/close curtains etc.

If I'd seen photos online I'd assume it was of mentally unwell people or old people who needed help. (I will admit to being a germ phonic person. Quite obsessed.)

But they're smart, and the kids are smart, quite cheeky boisterous children but they're happy enough and doing fine at school.

Am I blinkered and terribly judgemental and that's a fine way to live? Will it effect the kids negatively?

I'm not concerned for their emotional well being. But I suddenly feel really sad for them seeing where they sleep/are supposed to get clean.

I was lucky to grow up in a very tidy home. My mum is very house proud and maybe I just took it for granted?

I feel like offering help would insult them. They're very capable. Maybe they're overwhelmed?

@Phare - I am assuming that "faux-concern" is your way of knocking down comments you disagree with. The op asked a question, I answered it truthfully. Sorry if that doesn't work for you.

Faux concern - "I judge your concern to be fake because my opinion is different and correct!"

Balls to that passive aggressive shit.

Agreed, @Ted27. I have not at any point suggested it is ok for a child to be brought up in a dangerously unhygienic and neglectful. environment. But the OP clearly doesn’t think it’s a matter for SS. She admits herself that she’s unusually tidy and that her mother comes over several times a week to help her clean, which sounds more than a little obsessive, assuming she doesn’t have ten children and a stately home mysteriously bereft of staff.

What I am saying is that people on this thread are turning their own standards of tidiness into a virtue ‘for the sake of the children’, which I think is nonsense. And a sign of anxiety and obsessiveness, like the poster up the thread who goes on crazed cleaning blitzes before her child has a friend over. Assuming the children’s needs are being met, and their home is not unusable or unhygienic, being permanently ‘visitor-ready’ doesn’t make people better parents. You’re doing it for you.

Dirt and mess are two different things. Which is it? Or is it both? Our house is messy but it’s definitely not dirty!

@Phare - where did I say she comes over to help clean?

You're seeing something that's not there.

She comes over for dinner some nights with us. To watch DC when I'm out on a Monday. And then to spend time with us at a weekend as my Dad is often out. (If not then he comes on a weekend too.)

When here she'll ask if there's anything she can do. Or will tidy up after dinner. Help with DC bath etc.

She doesn't come over to clean. She comes over to enjoy her family and because we invite her.

But as my grandmother did for her she also helps me out where she sees she can. DHs mum is the same always helps clear up after dinner and has a chat while we do it. Just a part of family diners for us.

Doesn't yours do the same?

Phare I don't think you can dismiss several pps experience of growing up in a dirty home.
Never feeling good enough, or singled out because you smell like your home.
Not making friends from a learnt experience of them telling others you live in filth.
Making unhealthy choices because you get excepted.
It may not bother them when they're little but they will judge your parenting or follow it when they grow up.

I think there's a difference between dirty and messy. A dirty living environment absolutely affects children - as it would adults too. Similarly an outrageously messy house would stray into the dirty category - how do you clean when you can't move for filth? But a house being cluttered/a bit messy isn't the same. My flat is "cluttered" because it's pretty small and I have a lot of stuff. But it's still clean, because I clean it. Maybe it won't win any awards for the standard of vacuuming but I clean and dust and make sure my dishes are done in a timely manner. A house being scrupulously clean every second of every day, with a parent who does nothing but clean and screams at children when they dare get anything out to play or get a bit of mud on the floor or spill some juice on the counter is likely to impact them negatively just like the house being filthy.