I’m so sorry for your loss @itsallabouttheponies; & so sorry your DD found herself in this situation in what’s meant to be a safe space to help provide her with some security & stability while the two of you are working on turning your world the right way up again.
I was a contributor to the Mother’s Day thread PPs have mentioned - one of the posters who experienced being forced into activities after the [in my case very sudden & lasting-trauma-causing] death of their mother. Please complain if you’re able to do so - for your DD, to ensure it doesn’t happen again next year; & to try to get the school to reconsider full stop. So many children are unnecessarily distressed by Mother’s/Father’s Day stuff being pushed on them. A PP mentioned it being everywhere in the real world (I paraphrase) - & yes, it is, but that’s MORE reason to avoid ramming it down children’s throats. It doesn’t somehow inoculate them against the consumerist onslaught (which with some planning you can avoid the worst of), it simply deepens the wound. There will be some bereaved children who genuinely don’t mind making cards for someone else - but the anecdata from this thread & the previous one suggests they are very much in the minority.
I run a Brownie Unit & have never done anything for either parent-celebrating-day. I hope that even if I didn’t have the personal experiences I do, I’d have thought that the simple fact of families being complex might mean it’s not a genius idea. It genuinely surprises me how many Scouting & Guiding groups still do things, though to be fair maybe the ones that are have only young members with traditional nuclear families &/or plan with parents & young members in advance. This year actually went so far as to send a message to my Brownies whose mother died 2 years ago (in form of text to their father) to reassure them we’d not be doing anything even vaguely linked to Mother’s Day at Brownies at our meeting closest to it. Little one was a little “of course we’re not, I know that” but the older one had a more complicated reaction of feeling relieved having not realised she’d been worried - because she knew she didn’t need to worry, because I’d never EVER do that. But that’s how big an impact Mother’s Day stuff all over the place can have. In the past I’ve had parents specially check if they should keep their daughter off around Father’s Day because if we were doing related activities they’d rather miss the meeting. Poor wee dotes.
Sorry, am rambling rather. Am just trying to highlight how big a thing it is & how much it matters. You’re not expecting too much of the school & I hope your DD is as ok as possible today (& indeed that you are too). If it helps at all, at least she’s getting this nasty “first...” out of the way while still in the first stages of grieving rather than having it jump up to bite her as you were starting to feel a wee bit more “normal”. (I know that’s quite desperately Pollyanna-ish, but I hope you’ll understand what & how it’s meant.) Hopefully you’ve been put in touch with people already, but if not, Winston’s Wish (as mentioned by a PP) is an invaluable source of support for children who’ve been bereaved; & please consider contacting Cruse for some support for yourself.
for you ponies; & also a wee pile of hugs should you be ok with virtual hugs from a random person who’s happened across you on the internet. Please be gentle with yourself: I know you’ll have lots to do & will be focused on your DD (DC?) but it’s really important you look after yourself as well as possible. Make sure you eat & sleep & accept offers of help (that will actually be useful, it’s important to say no v firmly to those that won’t) & absolutely ask people for help when you need it. I know you weren’t posting about how to cope & I hope it doesn’t sound patronising - is just meant as a reminder as it can be easy to forget when crowded in by grief & trying to support others as they grieve. (And more so, sometimes, when bereavement is due to suicide as that so often has complex & challenging [emotional] responses & issues to navigate particular to that type of death.)