AIBU to expect school to be sensitive to my child who has just lost her father

[itsallabouttheponies]

I am fuming, my beautiful sweet 8 year old lost her dad last week to suicide which has left the whole fallibly devastated. She has been back at school since Monday and is being so brave about it, yesterday she came out and told me they had made fathers days cards in class. Her teacher told her to choose somebody else to write the card to while all of the other children wrote to their dads. AIBU is suggesting the teacher was fucking insensitive to my daughters lose and it should of been discussed with me, I could have picked her up from school or even taken her to read a book but at barely a week after losing her dad who in their right mind would do this???

That's truly awful, how insensitive. Your poor girl

I have tears over this. I am so sorry this had to happen and it is totally awful this even did happen.

Christ - I am 35 years older than your dd and lost my dad last week. I've been in bits all week about all the Father's Day stuff, it's so raw. And I'm a grown up.

V insensitive

Incredibly insensitive for such a recent loss.

I'd have a word with the head simply because the school needs to have a policy on this to save any other child going through what yours had to, in the future.

Utterly inhumane...

It actually took my breath away... My close family have been in similar position.

As others have said... This would be an excellent time for the teacher to use discretion and NOT make father's day cards in class...

Please do this in writing...... Please do insist that this is investigated....

I'm hoping teacher will very quickly see her massive mistake... If she doesn't... Or try to justify?? 'oh its such a pity that the other kids miss out on it'.... Your child's needs trump everything so early on after a traumatic bereavement.

This activity is in no way needed any more
I’m so sorry they did this. Not ok at all

My husband died last year and my daughter just carried on going to school - even the day after his passing. However in that first week she came out holding a lovely box. The teacher had spent time with her making a memory box of her daddy. This teacher could have done this.

On the other hand a few months ago I had the headteacher comment that my son always looked sad - no shit he’s lost his dad!!

I am afraid as a widow you will get used to shit like this but believe me the strength will come to deal with it all.

Agree that this was spectacularly insensitive and inappropriate of the teacher.
We've had complaints from some parents in the past for not doing Father's Day cards when we do do Mothering Sunday ones. The argument that Mothering Sunday is part of our RE syllabus (whereas Father's Day is a recent "made up by Hallmark" celebration) doesn't wash.
So, we've had to start doing them (although not with the same amount of effort, to be honest) but there are so many more children who don't have or see their dads, that it's a minefield.

My kids first fathers day since their dad died too.
6yo came home from school with a card for daddy. One of the teachers sat with him and help him to write "I love you, never stop watching over me"

Made me cry but was really glad he got the same opportunity to write to his dad the same as all of his friends.

In some school, it's planned for weeks and it involves the whole school - each in their class. You don't just cancel something like that

I’m sorry - what?

It’s card making! Make something else!

Yes, totally thoughtless of the school.
My dd’s old primary school used to do something after school where the kids could paint a pot and make a card so it was a opt in activity rather than the whole class having to do it.

They could have pre warned you and you could have either taken her out or at least prepared her.

This activity is in no way needed any more
why ever not?

It was handled horribly in the OP"s case, but we can't cancel everything because it might upset one person. It just can't work and it's not the solution.

It still doesn't excuse the behaviour though.

WePutTheSpringinSpringfield

actually it's not card making, it's a craft for the occasion.

No need to stop everything, but even if it was just cards, there's nothing wrong with that.

Your child's needs trump everything so early on after a traumatic bereavement

Absolutely this. I’d be so disappointed in the school. I’m sorry that happened you your daughter (and to you, because we feel what they feel)

Whilst agreeing with all of that can I say your DD sounds liek a beautiful little girl.

Writing a message to her cousins being sad for losing their uncle shows such a healthy and loving mental maturity. You should be very, very proud of her.

Morondela you are being absolutely ridiculous.

Yanbu, that is disgraceful. You should have been told so you could take her out of school. I can’t believe they were so absolutely insensitive when it’s still so recent.

I would complain in really strong terms about it when you go in on Monday, and in the meantime I hope the pain eases for you and your girl

@TitaniumSodiumBorate that’s really sweet (and I’m so sorry about their dad) I think OP’s situation is slightly different as dd lost her dad to suicide last week. It just seems too soon.

your poor dd and poor you. you should definately say something to the school even though it csnt change anything.

for you and your family

So sorry for your loss.

I think it’s insensitive to make mothers or Father’s Day cards tbh considering the number of children this could be sensitive for. Unless teacher knows for sure it won’t be upsetting to anyone.

I disagree that the lesson couldn’t have been changed, the school had a weeks notice and I’m sure a future class lesson could have been brought forward to replace it.

We have a child in our cub group who lost his dad in similar circumstances and two years on he is still understandably very sensitive. We wouldn't do a Father’s Day activity with the group.

In some school, it's planned for weeks and it involves the whole school - each in their class. You don't just cancel something like that

Dear god. One would hope that a qualified teacher might be able to cope.

Fucking hell. I am speechless that they could do that to her.

Your poor DD. I can’t imagine how upset she must have been.

I remember standing in a card shop buying family Christmas cards two months after my Dad had died (when I was 28) and crying when I saw the ‘dad’ cards.

I would have been in bits to have had to make a Father’s Day card and give it to someone else.

You should definitely raise it with the headteacher. The teacher was either completely stupid or completely heartless. How you could say to a child who has just lost her father and reminds you of this when making the cards, ‘make it for someone else’ is completely beyond me. 😡

I’m so sorry for your loss.

You should absolutely complain.

2 days after my dd died my ds came home with a homework sheet named 'Dead or Alive' where he had to say whether the pictures were of things living or not (shells, trees etc) it actually took my breath away, I was so shocked at the lack of sensitivity.

I complained to the school and they took it seriously and apologised to my son, and took the homework sheet out of circulation for the school.

I'm so sorry that you and your dd are going through this.