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Bridesmaid posted a photo of my dress on Facebook

829 replies

Titsntats · 15/06/2019 07:21

I know I probably am but just wanted to hear others opinions on whether they would be sad about it or if I just need to get a grip!

Getting married soon and after trying on a lot of different dresses I finally found the one, something I never thought I would due to being very body conscious and anxious. Went back for final fitting at the weekend and took one of my bridesmaids as she wanted to see

After finishing the appointment and getting home I saw that she had posted a photo of me in the dress on Facebook (during the appointment so it had already been on an hour or two when I saw it) and tagged my partner in it saying she bets he couldn’t wait to marry me and how lovely my dress is. When I asked her to remove it her response was ‘it doesn’t matter if he’s seen it he’s a man so he will have forgotten what it looks like in 5 minutes time’. My dad had also seen it as well and it was going to be a surprise for him on the day too

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel! I am so gutted that it now won’t be a surprise to my partner or my dad. She knew how much that meant to me and the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner. As I paid in instalments the dress is now fully paid for and I don’t have time to get another one and do all the alterations etc. Someone tell me I will stop feeling like this soon!

OP posts:
WelshMammaofaSlovak · 15/06/2019 08:33

EL2019 - this!!! OP - YANBU and as every single other poster so far says her behaviour has been appalling. What I don't understand is how you haven't told her exactly how you feel??? You don't need to keep the peace here - even if she's family I don't feel that she should be allowed to get away with such awful behaviour just so that anyone else in the family isn't upset. Your feelings of anger are perfectly valid and you need to be able to express them. There is no need to have a huge fight (I just don't know how you haven't) but you should un-invite her and I really don't think you should have someone with so little regard for your feelings in your life.

Daisypie · 15/06/2019 08:33

I would sack her as a bridesmaid. Then go forth looking beautiful and enjoy your wedding.

ainsisoisje · 15/06/2019 08:34


Trooperslaneagain · 15/06/2019 08:34

(speaking as someone who got married within 14 weeks after getting engaged and who had the most chilled ceremony and am the least likely bridezilla)

though my daughter "made" me get my dress out when we were watching Meghan and Harry's do

escapade1234 · 15/06/2019 08:35

This thread will go poof soon.

JellyNo15 · 15/06/2019 08:35

I would comment on the post as was suggested up thread. Also stop her on coming to the wedding as you can't trust her not to post photos on the day.

CruellaFeinberg · 15/06/2019 08:35

Is she very young? In her teens? So maybe doesn't know wedding etiquette.

She knows!

sashh · 15/06/2019 08:36

She is a bitch and it sounds like she planned this by asking to come along to your appointment.

I feel so angry for you which is ridiculous, I don't know her.

I'd be wanting to do evil things, maybe have someone phone her and tell her you have cancelled the wedding. But then I'd calm down and just tell her your friendship is over, she is not your bridesmaid and will not be welcome at the wedding even as a guest.

I know superstitions are nonsense but people tend to like the traditions surrounding a wedding such as the 'old,new ...' tradition.

Is there something you can do to make the dress slightly but noticeably different? Adding a ribbon or a bolero or if it is sleeveless then cap sleeves?

katewhinesalot · 15/06/2019 08:36

That is such a dreadful thing to do, made worse by the fact that you'd even asked her to keep a description secret.

I'm not sure I could forgive her for that.

You aren't over reacting for feeling disappointed. In fact you are under reacting.

Nitpickpicnic · 15/06/2019 08:37

Wow. Even women, EVEN MEN who aren’t brought up in our wedding culture wouldn’t do this by mistake.

Sorry I haven’t read the full responses, but I’d be demanding it was taken down and that an apology was forthcoming. I’d do it over text, and suggest she talks to some other people (family & friends) about it. She needs to see their faces react as she explains what she did. Her own mother will gasp.

The alternative text to send her is ‘Have you had a stroke?’

Mumsymumphy · 15/06/2019 08:38

It would take a complete fuckwit not to know that the wedding dress is kept a secret until the big day.

Ditch your 'friend' and have a lovely day!

PanteneProV · 15/06/2019 08:38

I would actually be furious. You aren’t being difficult at all - it’s completely weird to share a photo like that and she must have known that? So was she just being purely spiteful? She sounds like a jealous and mean cow.

You would be well within your rights to ditch her as a bridesmaid for that.

And this doesn’t make what she did ok at all, but please try not to worry that your husband and dad have seen a photo - it won’t be remotely the same as seeing you on the day when you’re all made up and glowing with love and excitement - they will still be completely blown away by how amazing you look.

Boofay · 15/06/2019 08:38

WOW! That is awful. I'm usually very levelheaded when responding to posts on here, but I agree with the PPs, sack the bridesmaid, uninvite her and reconsider your friendship if she doesn't apologise.

beanaseireann · 15/06/2019 08:40

Has the OP come back ?
Is it a "plant" post for a journalist's story ?

NCforthis2019 · 15/06/2019 08:41

Sack the cow - both as a friend and a bridesmaid. Actually I like cows. She’s a piece of shit.

katewhinesalot · 15/06/2019 08:41

At this point I'd publicly shame her with a Facebook reply to the photo; "[name] I told you when we were at the fitting that the dress was a surprise for my partner and my dad to see on the day. It's also very common knowledge that this is the usual wishes of most bridal parties. You posted and tagged this photo regardless. When I text you telling you this had upset me and asking you to remove it you dismissed my feelings and refused. I'm now telling you. Take. This. Down."

Perfect response on the Facebook post.

smallereveryday · 15/06/2019 08:42

You know what - the word ? The word 'judged' must be the most over used on here .

Why the hell is it an offence to 'judge someone who is being an utter twat ? And there is no doubt her behaviour is 'twat of the highest order' .. all about social media 'likes' and not an iota of thought for the bride. - probably because the bride is not the type to lose her cool even when really angry, so twat face decided she could get away with it .

You had no idea that 'the dress is a secret' really ??? So you have NEVER seen a single movie with a wedding scene.. where the bride is revealed to ooooos and ahhhs...
You were hiding under a rock for the marriages of (depending on your age) Princess Ann, Princess Diana, Sarah Duchess Of York, Kate AND MEGAN ... and the acres of fevered speculation across news print and social media .. and the Fort Knox like security surrounding designs..

Sorry, I call bullshit, Goady poster just attempting (badly) to take an opposite view for the sake of it.

sashh · 15/06/2019 08:42

Oh and ask the dress shop owner to call her and have the pic taken down. They may have given her permission to take the pic, but not to publish it.

I don't think your exfriend has broken copyright but she probably doesn't know that.

mussolini9 · 15/06/2019 08:45

She knew how much that meant to me and the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner.

& yet she deliberately got herself a sneak preview, took illicit pics, ran a spoiler on facebook & TAGGED YOUR PARTNER!?

No way is this innocent.
OK - most importantly, no real harn has been done. You cannot allow this to spoil your day in any way at all so put the facebook spoiler out of mind. Focus on how fab your dress is & how relieved you were to find it.

But your ex-friend - at least you've seen her true colours now. Up to you whether you want the added drama of uninviting her. It was a pretty spectacular piece of bitchery she conjured on you, nobody would blame you for sacking her from the wedding. And your life.

If that feels like extra stress, just rise above it.
Congratulations on your wedding & have a FAB DAY!

rollingpine · 15/06/2019 08:52


That a rotten thing to do, everyone knows the groom isn't supposed to see the dress until the actual ceremony, and it is all supposed to be kept under wraps until then.

I can't quite get my head around why she did it.

Hollanda40 · 15/06/2019 08:53

Ah there's always one!

My Chief Bridesmaid:

  • got hammered the morning of my Hen Do (trounced by 11 am and embarrassing) whilst we were supposed to be getting the venue ready (taking the table decorations in etc)
  • spent the whole day drinking even at my house whilst DH cared for our DS (11 mths then)
  • refused food or any other attempts to moderate her drinking
  • forgot to buy MIL a sash or feather boa for evening do (I bought them)
  • ignored dress code (black and white) and wore a hideous very short dress
  • repeatedly hit on MIL's partner several times
  • when MIL took us to local pub prior to evening do and bought us a drink, she asked for a double gin and tonic (I asked for a small wine)
  • at the venue of the party sank at least 2 bottles of wine meant for the entire party
  • stole my shot bought for me by my mum's friend
  • when my mum left at 10 pm this "friend" got us all thrown out of the venue for repeatedly touching a bouncer (we're all barred on association, despite most of us being outside when this occurred and no longer cater for Hen Parties)
  • got us all refused entry anywhere else
  • we spent an hour getting her in a taxi (she was staying at my house overnight and I should have just told her to sling her hook and go home...I wish I had)
  • By the time we'd sorted her out (she broke my tiara in a fit of rage that no more alcohol would be served her) most people had to leave for home...ended up in just me, MIL and another hen going to a lovely bar, MIL explained the situation and the staff gave me a lovely cocktail and made a huge fuss of me!
  • When we got home CB was whining that her drink was spiked (it wasn't. I was sitting next to her and watched what she was drinking!! She was wasted!)
  • Woke our DS
  • Next day she left before anyone woke up.

I gave her HELL. I allowed her to be CB thinking she really was sorry. Given that she tried her hardest to ruin the wedding is wish I hadn't! She looked miserable on every photo unless she was drinking.

I no longer have contact with her. OP I suggest you lose her. Now!!! Her behaviour doesn't bode well.
Feelingwalkedover · 15/06/2019 08:59

She’s not your friend ..a friend wouldn’t of done that

PregnantSea · 15/06/2019 09:01

I'm not even a wedding person but I would be fucking fuming. She's done this on purpose to be a cow. No doubt about it.

SerenDippitty · 15/06/2019 09:02

What a horrible thing to do. Perhaps she wanted to show off that she was in on the secret. I would not want her at the wedding.

Hollanda40 · 15/06/2019 09:04

^^ This.

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