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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bridesmaid posted a photo of my dress on Facebook

829 replies

Titsntats · 15/06/2019 07:21

I know I probably am but just wanted to hear others opinions on whether they would be sad about it or if I just need to get a grip!

Getting married soon and after trying on a lot of different dresses I finally found the one, something I never thought I would due to being very body conscious and anxious. Went back for final fitting at the weekend and took one of my bridesmaids as she wanted to see

After finishing the appointment and getting home I saw that she had posted a photo of me in the dress on Facebook (during the appointment so it had already been on an hour or two when I saw it) and tagged my partner in it saying she bets he couldn’t wait to marry me and how lovely my dress is. When I asked her to remove it her response was ‘it doesn’t matter if he’s seen it he’s a man so he will have forgotten what it looks like in 5 minutes time’. My dad had also seen it as well and it was going to be a surprise for him on the day too

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel! I am so gutted that it now won’t be a surprise to my partner or my dad. She knew how much that meant to me and the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner. As I paid in instalments the dress is now fully paid for and I don’t have time to get another one and do all the alterations etc. Someone tell me I will stop feeling like this soon!

OP posts:
Whocansay · 21/06/2019 17:35

They might pay for the BM dress!

comingintomyown · 21/06/2019 18:02

Bit late to the party I hope this dies down for you OP as really I imagine you just want to forget about it
By the way I agree with someone ages ago a rubbish little pic on a phone will not spoil the reveal on your big day

AggieVoit · 21/06/2019 21:26

Honestly, I feel as though the second worst thing she did was try to justify her choice by stating her opinion on the matter.

Just for saying that, instead of apologizing and immediately deleting it, I would tell her that she has lost my respect and trust, this has been more hurtful than she could ever imagine, and it no longer feels right to have her in the bridal party.
Buy her dress off of her if she paid, etc.
I feel as though keeping her in your wedding party will further frustrate you and ruin the mood of the day.
Still try and make the most of it and focus on the joy of the day, though its certainly best not to have her by your side that day.

CorBlimeyGovenor · 21/06/2019 22:43

Titsntats
I once had a post go viral and was offered money for it. Just thought that I'd share my experiences:

I was approached by several 'journalists/media companies'. Many of them consisted on freelancers who actually make their money selling scripts/quotes and photos to other newspapers/magazines. They act like brokers and then auction the quotes/photo package online to media outlets (some want exclusivity/others don't). They were primarily interested in lots of photos (very similar ones depicting the same event so that they could put together exclusive bundles). In my case I had to provide around 20 photos and had about a two hour telephone interview. My story was featured in The Daily Mail, some women's magazines and The Sun. Only the best/classiest for me Blush(and I didn't even have to sleep with David Mellor!).

I received around £300 (so not a huge amount). You may well get offered more, but generally we're talking hundreds rather than thousands here!

My motivation wasn't financial. It was to raise awareness about Sepsis (my husband had been misdiagnosed and ended up with organ/heart/lung failure in a coma on life support for weeks and then had to relearn how to sit up, swallow, walk etc. We had a baby and young child at the time). We donated all profits to The Sepsis Trust.

We recently were featured on a TV show on BBC1. We were not paid for this, yet filming took an entire day. It was filmed in my house and garden, so I also had to madly clean and tidy, knowing that I was inviting millions into my home.

Unbeknown to me, however, they hired a stunt body double to play the part of me (you know that you've truly made it big when someone is paid to play the part of you! 😉). Unfortunately she had an even bigger arse than me and appalling taste in pyjamas (bright pink with elephants on!). At one point my husband and I were depicted as living in a 1970s house, with the worst imaginable decor wearing matching tartan pyjamas and cordoroy dressing downs! The cameraman took an unhealthy interest in my 'stunt arse' with lots of close up shots (pred text just changed that to shits!!). Had I known what lay in store for me, I would have insisted that Pippa Middleton play the role of me whilst wearing pyjamas from The White Company!

Anyway, my point is that, the media will always seek to dramatise events and put their own creative slant on things. They didn't make anything up though, insofar as, all quotes/photos were provided by us. In your case they will almost certainly want lots of photos of you and your friend, you and your fiance and you wearing your dress (or at least posing with a similar one). You need to consider whether you would be happy to do that for the money involved. I personally wasn't keen on having photos of my family and I splashed all over the papers and TV (I hate seeing photos etc of myself), but was persuaded to do it to raise awareness.

Anyway, I hope that helps tell you what to expect.

Starlight2004 · 22/06/2019 05:54

I'm really chilled about everything but I have to say I would be raging about that! No one should see the dress before the day apart from the chosen few that have been to the fittings. It's a big thing. The whole what's the dress like, walking does the isle moment, for all the guests not just the groom and your dad on the day. And she's stole your moment. What a cowbag!

Raspberrytruffle · 25/06/2019 21:40

Hi OP I'm just checking in to see everything has died down? Has Cf ex bridesmaid come to her senses and apologised ?

MockingJay27 · 27/06/2019 14:14

You will still look completely different with hair and make up done, it really wont matter. But i can understand your upset i would be devastated. Your bridesmaid is a horrible person and has done this on purpose maybe out of jealousy, i personally would sack her as bridesmaid as i wouldn’t trust her not to try and do something else to sabotage your day.

Titsntats · 11/10/2019 13:47

Just thought I would update you all.... I’m sure you won’t be surprised to hear she didn’t come to the wedding! She has also since blocked me on Facebook/Instagram/phone number etc, I do find it all very sad but starting to realise it was probably for the best as she’s clearly not who I thought she was

OP posts:
HotChocolateLover · 11/10/2019 13:50

The surprise of the dress reveal is a huge thing for the bride so i’m Not surprised you’re annoyed. You just need to make the best of a bad situation and make sure that your hair looks gorgeous and maybe have some surprise undies for your new DH to find 😉

IncrediblySadToo · 11/10/2019 13:51

I saw the thread title and thought ‘fuck me, not another one!’ I wonder what happened to the other poster?

...and here you are, so thanks for the update

It is sad, but she clearly wasn’t who you thought she was! No one nice or sane dies what she did! You’re far better off without her in your life🌷

How is married life going?!

IncrediblySadToo · 11/10/2019 13:52

@HotChocolateLover

You could try reading the thread or at the very least the update 🤷🏻‍♀️

AllTheNameAreTakenEvenThisOne · 11/10/2019 13:57

Congratulations, Titsntats! How did the big day go in the end?

HiccupHaddock3 · 11/10/2019 14:03

Wow, makes you think what a huge impact social media has on our lives. Without it, the photo would never have happened, the OP would not have had the echo chamber of Mumsnet to magnify the issue out of proportion and she might have been able to put this one error of judgement in context of the entire 10 years of friendship, the global reach of such a tiny event relating to one individual, it is beyond belief. And as for why I waste so much time on Mumsnet??? maybe I need to rethink my prioritiesüü

KUGA · 11/10/2019 14:06

It will look even better in the flesh so don`t worry.
Have a lovely day.

DriftingLeaves · 11/10/2019 14:09

You are better off without her, OP.

Be happy.

Titsntats · 11/10/2019 14:11

Off you fuck to waste time somewhere else then @HiccupHaddock3 Smile

OP posts:
Titsntats · 11/10/2019 14:13

@AllTheNameAreTakenEvenThisOne amazing thank you! I stuck with the same dress in the end but changed a few little details so it didn’t feel like he had already seen it. The day just went by far too quick, it’s over before you even know!

OP posts:
ChickenGoujonDestroyer · 11/10/2019 14:14

OP she didnt turn up? Was she even still invited after doing that? I would have told her to get tae fuck as soon as she put that photo up! What was she thinking.

Ginandgingers92 · 11/10/2019 14:16

Whaaaaat!? I'd be fuming!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/10/2019 14:17

she's a cow and should no longer be your bridesmaid.

She's a snide bitch- get rid!

MintyMabel · 11/10/2019 14:19

You could try reading the thread or at the very least the update 🤷🏻‍♀️

🙄

MintyMabel · 11/10/2019 14:21

Or, OP could have simply started a new thread with this earth shattering “update”.

Nobody is going to go back and read 31 pages of this stuff.

gingersausage · 11/10/2019 14:22

I was about to say I’d seen this on here before...then I realised it was an update 😂.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/10/2019 14:23

Sorry - I should have read the thread!

Glad you had a wonderful day OP.

Titsntats · 11/10/2019 14:24

@MintyMabel never said I am expecting people to read every post. Why would I start a new thread to update on this issue 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
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