Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid posted a photo of my dress on Facebook

829 replies

Titsntats · 15/06/2019 07:21

I know I probably am but just wanted to hear others opinions on whether they would be sad about it or if I just need to get a grip!

Getting married soon and after trying on a lot of different dresses I finally found the one, something I never thought I would due to being very body conscious and anxious. Went back for final fitting at the weekend and took one of my bridesmaids as she wanted to see

After finishing the appointment and getting home I saw that she had posted a photo of me in the dress on Facebook (during the appointment so it had already been on an hour or two when I saw it) and tagged my partner in it saying she bets he couldn’t wait to marry me and how lovely my dress is. When I asked her to remove it her response was ‘it doesn’t matter if he’s seen it he’s a man so he will have forgotten what it looks like in 5 minutes time’. My dad had also seen it as well and it was going to be a surprise for him on the day too

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel! I am so gutted that it now won’t be a surprise to my partner or my dad. She knew how much that meant to me and the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner. As I paid in instalments the dress is now fully paid for and I don’t have time to get another one and do all the alterations etc. Someone tell me I will stop feeling like this soon!

OP posts:
Abuelan · 16/06/2019 20:03

Thats just plain nasty of her - everyone knows that Brides want to surprise their father and their husbands. Not much of a friend who would do this to you.

Insist she removes it and tell her she did not have your permission to post it. This is envasion of your personal space and information. I’d be inclined to tell her that her bridesmaid duties will no longer be required. Wishing you all the best in your special day though.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 16/06/2019 20:07

I took one friend dress shopping with me - she took a pic of me so she could show me and then was mortified because she had an apple device and it went into her cloud so her husband saw it. Everyone knows you don't want the dress seen until you walk down the aisle. Unforgivable and l am super relaxed about things usually.

di2004 · 16/06/2019 20:12

Attention seeker of the worst kind. Not a genuine friend at all. Hope you’re ok x

ThistleTits · 16/06/2019 20:14

Well she's a horrible, nasty bitch and there is no way she would be at my wedding.
She actually knew you wanted to surprise your fiance and dad but she shared it anyway Angry, I'm furious for you. That's no friend, get her out your life.
I wish you and your partner a long and happy life together.

pam290358 · 16/06/2019 20:14

I would be furious. How can someone who calls herself a friend behave like this. The bride’s dress is traditionally a surprise - especially for the groom and father of the bride, and she’s completely ruined it for you. You specifically told her the dress was to be a surprise, so you have to assume her actions were deliberate and malicious. In my view this is self evident in the fact that she tagged in your partner, ensuring that he saw the dress before the day. It’s a shoddy, vindictive and rotten thing to do - this is your wedding and your wishes should have been respected. It’s totally up to you how you deal with it, but personally I would be telling her straight that she has taken the shine off the day for you, that you no longer want her as a bridesmaid, and that she is not invited to the wedding - and also that you have to seriously consider whether any kind of friendship is possible after such a betrayal of your confidence. I agree with others that the dress will look completely different on the day when your hair and make up are done, flowers are in place and you have that lovely bridal glow, so I would keep the dress you obviously love and lose the friend you definitely don’t need. I would also show her this thread so she’s in no doubt that what she did was so wrong. Good luck on your big day.

Stressedmumoftwo30 · 16/06/2019 20:14

I would be fuming..... she would no longer be my bridesmaid

Wasafatmum42 · 16/06/2019 20:14

that's way out of order I would be totally mega pissed off and after the response she gave you when you told her to remove it no remorse what so ever I would be considering uninviting her to the wedding

Luaa · 16/06/2019 20:14

Don't let it spoil your wedding, but I would say she isn't your bridesmaid anymore and would consider whether I wanted her there at all.

Lore0404 · 16/06/2019 20:26

What an inconsiderate, attention seeker this "friend" of yours is. Even if initially she did it with no bad intention the fact that she refused to take the photo down when you asked and disregarding your feelings that shows she simply is not well intended...she is not a good friend. Be careful

Beautga · 16/06/2019 20:28

She is no bridesmaid that is nasty thing to do.She ment to support you not hurt you.I would not have her as bridesmaid

EnglishRose13 · 16/06/2019 20:33

Did anyone call her out on the post?

TheRedBarrows · 16/06/2019 20:39

Dreadful behaviour.

People lose all common sense and sensitivity over social media. You don’t take a friend shopping for anything for them to ‘claim ‘ it as their business.

Cherrysherbet · 16/06/2019 20:41

What a bitch. Get rid op.

Delilah21D00LoT · 16/06/2019 20:41

This is BANG OUT OF ORDER!! You are not being unreasonable at all! I'd be questioning whether you need a friend like that.
Seriously I'd be every stage of angry, hurt and upset.

No real friend would be so disrespectful to do that.

Abcd3 · 16/06/2019 20:42

Completely appalling thing for her to do, and in your place I would also be extremely hurt, upset and angry. Ironically, she has now advertised to all her FB friends that she is a bitch! Anyone who saw her post will think so.

I agree with a PP that it really doesn’t sound a good idea for her to be at the wedding, as who knows what she might do - “accidentally” spilling something on your dress etc.

I really hope you have an amazing wedding day anyway! I’m sure anyone who saw the post will still be stunned by how gorgeous you look on the day! 💐

justmakemeacuppa · 16/06/2019 20:43

I had a friend who announced I’d had my baby on Facebook, she’s no longer a friend. Didn’t say anything to her but think she realises how pissed off I was. Either someone told her or the fact that she’s lucky to get a hello out of me these days. She knew what she was doing and was either been a bitch or just after the attention Ruth way I don’t want her in my life.

Doingitmyway · 16/06/2019 20:45

You are not being unreasonable AT ALL!
What a nasty piece of work she is. I’m gutted for you. Everybody knows that the bride’s dress is a secret, especially for the husband to be and father of the bride.

She’s a spiteful bitch, remember to repay the “favour” when she gets married, has a baby or any other big event in her life.

Enjoy your day, I’m sure you’ll look beautiful. if you still allow her to be a bridesmaid, make sure she’s on the end of any photos so you can cut her off!!

sallyfox · 16/06/2019 20:47

I'd be speechless with rage

Lovebeingmama · 16/06/2019 20:47

I can’t believe that your ‘friend’ would so rude. Don’t worry though you’ll look completely different with your hair and make up done. Don’t let it upset you. I’d be ditching the bridesmaid though.

Rubytinsleslippers · 16/06/2019 20:53

Please remove her from your wedding. She is no friend, it doesn't matter how she tries to explain this - it is unforgivable.

Birdsonginthetrees · 16/06/2019 20:53

Haven't read full thread but presumably someone has already spotted this story - www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9306431/bridesmaid-shared-brides-dress-facebook/

2toddlers · 16/06/2019 20:54

I’d sack her and uninvite her. I’m pretty sure 99.999% of the population (so maybe just her and one other person who don’t) know that the wedding dress and how the bride will look on the day is a surprise for the groom on the wedding day. What an idiot!

LonelyGir1 · 16/06/2019 20:56

She is not your friend OP. She doesn't deserve to be your bridesmaid

Weebleonaworkout · 16/06/2019 20:56

OMG!! Anybody with half a brain and a shred of decency would know that this is the one big secret for the day. This woman is not your friend she's an attention seeking bitch and has taken great satisfaction in taking that away from you. Seriously, what a cow! I'd definitely be ditching her immediately. You trusted her to be an important confidente and she blew it. It was an honour and she didn't respect that. I'd be bloody livid.
That aside, a pic in your dress in a changing room with your hair normal will not take away the glamour on the day like I imagine she'd hope it would.
Have a truly magical day OP and start your married life with those around you who deserve to be. She is one of them x

Weebleonaworkout · 16/06/2019 20:57

Typo! She is NOT one of them.