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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bridesmaid posted a photo of my dress on Facebook

829 replies

Titsntats · 15/06/2019 07:21

I know I probably am but just wanted to hear others opinions on whether they would be sad about it or if I just need to get a grip!

Getting married soon and after trying on a lot of different dresses I finally found the one, something I never thought I would due to being very body conscious and anxious. Went back for final fitting at the weekend and took one of my bridesmaids as she wanted to see

After finishing the appointment and getting home I saw that she had posted a photo of me in the dress on Facebook (during the appointment so it had already been on an hour or two when I saw it) and tagged my partner in it saying she bets he couldn’t wait to marry me and how lovely my dress is. When I asked her to remove it her response was ‘it doesn’t matter if he’s seen it he’s a man so he will have forgotten what it looks like in 5 minutes time’. My dad had also seen it as well and it was going to be a surprise for him on the day too

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel! I am so gutted that it now won’t be a surprise to my partner or my dad. She knew how much that meant to me and the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner. As I paid in instalments the dress is now fully paid for and I don’t have time to get another one and do all the alterations etc. Someone tell me I will stop feeling like this soon!

OP posts:

Lmcd18 · 16/06/2019 19:14

She was so in the wrong I would be seriously furious, everyone knows thats something that you shouldn't do, share a picture of the wedding dress before the big day! Some friend she is

whymewhyme · 16/06/2019 19:20

Wow! Who even does that??? What a cow she's done it on purpose no real friend would do that

Orchidflower1 · 16/06/2019 19:20

OP- please say you’ve had proper words with your BM-surely you’ve got to by now!

m4ndygriffith · 16/06/2019 19:21

I am so incensed by this I have just had to comment. How dare she! She would definitely not be my bridesmaid for a start and she wouldn’t be coming to the wedding either! Does she actually realise how much work and money goes into a wedding? She has also total disregard for your emotional well-being especially considering your anxieties!

Totaldogsbody · 16/06/2019 19:24

OMG she's a complete and utter cow. Sack her, uninvite her to your wedding and never speak to her again. I don't understand how someone as close to you as she is supposedly could do this to you. I am sure your fiance and dad will love the way you look on the day and that the photo will not take away from how beautiful you will look , you will have your hair and make up specially done and I'm sure a photo from a mobile will not do you justice so take some small solace in that but tell her to F* off.

nuxe1984 · 16/06/2019 19:24

What an absolutely fucking shitty thing to do!

Sorry for the swearing but everyone knows you don't put photos of the dress out there before the wedding.

I would be upset (as you obviously are) and VERY VERY angry. In fact I would tell her that she had no right to do that, she knew it was unacceptable and ask her why she did it. If she can't give an answer that appeases you … then tell her that you no longer want her as your bridesmaid. That you picked people who you thought were friends to be bridesmaids but her actions have shown her not to be.

I assume you have other bridesmaids. Let them know how you feel, they will support you.

And make sure she has taken the photo down.

I am really angry on your behalf here …

RoyEastmannKodak · 16/06/2019 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MyOtherLifeIsAFairytale · 16/06/2019 19:26

Your (hopefully ex)bridesmaid is being a dick

TigerTooth · 16/06/2019 19:28

Tell her to FUCK RiGHT OFF!!!
What a total bitch!
Bin her - she’s no friend of yours!
In the long run it won’t matter but ...it matters!
Maybe if you explain to the shop you can re-choose and just exchange for a different one?

exaltedwombat · 16/06/2019 19:30

The men in your life don't really notice dresses. They'll only care about this on your behalf, if you tell them to. So don't. Likewise the bridesmaid. Yes, a breach of protocol. Silly cow. But she meant no harm. Carry on and have a great day!

Coldandfrosty · 16/06/2019 19:32

Bitch

lovemeorleaveme · 16/06/2019 19:34

What????? Who would do that? So sorry X

BlackSwan · 16/06/2019 19:36

She's out of the wedding, period. Not part of the bridal party, no invitation. She's not your friend. And, I would also choose a different dress.

Proseccorella · 16/06/2019 19:38

OMG I really feel for you, OP....I'd have been devastated- you are definitely not BU xx

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 16/06/2019 19:41

She's completely out of order.
Titsntats if you're not feeling up to sacking her as bridesmaid, could you get your Mum or Sister/s if you have them to tell stupid friend that her services are no longer required?

If this had happened to my DD or DSisters then I'd verbally rip so called friend's head off.

payens · 16/06/2019 19:47

Don't let her be your bridesmaid. She is not a friend!

Ellie666 · 16/06/2019 19:47

I'd ditch her and make sure every single person you know knows exactly why you are ditching her. What she did was unforgivable, nobody would show someones husband -to-be a photo of your wedding dress before the wedding. every person I have mentioned this to, even men, have said that that is part of the excitement of the wedding, seeing your bride for the first time in their chosen dress. I really believe there must be something very wrong with her and I would give her a very big wide birth and never, ever speak to her again.

Tergly · 16/06/2019 19:48

I hope this doesn't seem an over the top comment but if she is as jealous/vindictive as she seems, I would be worrying about cup of coffee being spilt over the dress "accidentally" on the day. If she is normally a good friend, then maybe this was just a lack of judgement. You will know best.

mrshousty · 16/06/2019 19:49

Oh my God! How dare she?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MusicTwilight · 16/06/2019 19:49

The language on here is awful . Most of the posters sound like a bunch of hysterical fishwives!

Skandinaviem · 16/06/2019 19:50

Oh OP- I feel for you. My SIL posted a picture and birth announcement on Facebook about our son before we’d managed to tell my family or any close friends. They found out via Facebook, and I am still seething and it was five years ago. So I feel your pain and yes you are totally in your right to be cross and ban her from your life from now on!!!!

skwish · 16/06/2019 19:51

YANBU. What an utter bitch. Cut her loose, god knows what shenanigans she’s got planned for the actual wedding. I hope you can put this behind you and enjoy your special day x

TwinklyMummaLuvsHerBubba89 · 16/06/2019 19:51

The language on here is awful sad. Most of the posters sound like a bunch of hysterical fishwives!

Had to laugh at the irony 😂

bourbonbiccy · 16/06/2019 19:55

Normally I'm a "well no-one died" sort of a person but I would be livid. Who actually does that !!!!!! Especially your bridesmaid - or I would be saying Ex bridesmaid....just why would she do that or think it's ok !!!! Furious of your behalf lol

LastChanceFinalOffer · 16/06/2019 20:01

I'm off to Google wedding shaming.

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