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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bridesmaid posted a photo of my dress on Facebook

829 replies

Titsntats · 15/06/2019 07:21

I know I probably am but just wanted to hear others opinions on whether they would be sad about it or if I just need to get a grip!

Getting married soon and after trying on a lot of different dresses I finally found the one, something I never thought I would due to being very body conscious and anxious. Went back for final fitting at the weekend and took one of my bridesmaids as she wanted to see

After finishing the appointment and getting home I saw that she had posted a photo of me in the dress on Facebook (during the appointment so it had already been on an hour or two when I saw it) and tagged my partner in it saying she bets he couldn’t wait to marry me and how lovely my dress is. When I asked her to remove it her response was ‘it doesn’t matter if he’s seen it he’s a man so he will have forgotten what it looks like in 5 minutes time’. My dad had also seen it as well and it was going to be a surprise for him on the day too

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel! I am so gutted that it now won’t be a surprise to my partner or my dad. She knew how much that meant to me and the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner. As I paid in instalments the dress is now fully paid for and I don’t have time to get another one and do all the alterations etc. Someone tell me I will stop feeling like this soon!

OP posts:

MollyMinniesMum · 16/06/2019 17:49

YANBU. That is totally out of order!! What sort of friend does that?

winniestone37 · 16/06/2019 17:49

It actually seems malicious- she did this to hurt you. Sack her on all fronts.

BusyEmz · 16/06/2019 17:50

😱 what a jealous 🤬. How dare she spoil your grand reveal! I’m sorry but she knew what she was doing.

What you can do is bear in mind it was not in your fully glory hair, makeup and jewellery etc. An with that people are still yet to get your full wow factor.

She didn’t even apologise? I’m sorry but she’s lucky she still a brides maid and invited, like really who does that?? If your still friends with her I’d be weary and side eye her😒 at all times.

sadmummyatthemo · 16/06/2019 17:54

I'd personally inform her that her toxic presence is no longer required at the wedding full stop.

She's an absolute cow.Its sounds as though she's petty and jealous and has used it as an opportunity to make you feel crap and cause drama.

It's also common sense not to do something like that,be wary if she's still your bridesmaid of your wedding photos appearing on social media before you've even seen any.

Alternatively you could spread a rumour closer to the wedding that you had to have her dress adjusted several times because she keeps putting in weight and it's all at the front {hinting she's knocked up}

Maidah94 · 16/06/2019 17:55

She knew what she was doing, seems very conniving and petty. Dont worry about seeming a bitch sack her and that's it.

JonSnowIsALoser · 16/06/2019 17:55

YANBU. It’s not a question of the dress - it’s the question of someone putting your photo on social media without your permission and refusing to take it down when asked to. It’s more serious than a wedding dress. I’d explain thus and if she still refuses - I’d report her to Facebook and uninvite her from the wedding.

Witchtower · 16/06/2019 17:56

You are totally NOT BU.
I would be livid!

PeppyPiggy · 16/06/2019 17:56

I get how a friend can be so happy and proud and naively take a photo ...then post it (maybe) but her response when you made your feelings known is off, totally sounds like she dismissed your feelings about it...

CastleGin · 16/06/2019 17:57

Just... wow. She's a cunt.

On the day you will have your hair and make up done and look amazing. It will take your DH and dads breath away.

She can sit at home alone, friendless and think about what she's done the nasty cow.

TantricTwist · 16/06/2019 17:58

Ditch her as a friend and bridesmaid ASAP.

MrsRonaldWeasley · 16/06/2019 17:59

You have every reason to be angry and upset. Sounds to me like your ‘friend’ is jealous of your upcoming wedding and is trying to spoil it. Don’t let her! If it were me though I wouldn’t be having her walking down the aisle with me. Hope you have a beautiful day OP. Your dad and partner will still have the lovely moment of seeing you in the dress in person ❤️

JustOneShadeOfGrey · 16/06/2019 18:04

Fire the bitch.

But on the day you will look different- it’s how you wear the dress that’s important not the dress itself. You’ll have your hair and makeup done, you’ll have your bridal glow and your flowers.

Still fire her though.

QuilliamCakespeare · 16/06/2019 18:04

I'd un-invite her from the whole wedding. Clearly she's done this on purpose and doesn't give two shits about you or your partner's feelings.

FosterPennyP · 16/06/2019 18:07

Even my husband, who’s usually oblivious, said this was out of order!

CuppaSarah · 16/06/2019 18:10

When you sack her off, don't get a replacement. Just ask the venue to give you her meal in a bag to take back with you. Perfect way to cure a post wedding hangover/fill you up if you're a little peckish when you get in.

MulticolourMophead · 16/06/2019 18:13

ScreamingValenta

Yes, it's a dress, and yes, most wedding dresses are quite similar. And yes I guess in the grand scheme of things it won't spoil the day.

But your thoughts, and my thoughts, and everyone else's thoughts are irrelevant.

The real issue is that OP had said she wanted the dress to remain a secret from her DH2B and her DF. She said that directly to the BM.

That the BM then took a pic, posted it on FB and also tagged in the two people OP wanted to keep the dress secret from is an act of real spitefulness, and from my reading of OP's posts the BM is suffering from jealousy.

OP is entitled to feel hurt here. Her wishes and feelings were trampled on by the BM and I don't blame her at all for wanting the BM out of the wedding. And I'm a really laid back person normally.

BronH · 16/06/2019 18:14

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable AT ALL. She deserves to be de-bridesmaided immediately but you’re probably far too nice to do that. On the positive side you’ll look very different in the dress on the day itself. You’ll have your makeup and hair done and you’ll be all glowy with the emotion of it all. It can’t be undone but I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful wedding and don’t let that be spoiled by anything. Very best wishes for your wedding x

Twinkle006 · 16/06/2019 18:14

I was so shocked at this I redid my password so I could comment! It’s a nasty narcissistic thing to do - as was her response to you. She is no friend (with friends like that who needs enemies). I am interested that you chose her as the person to come with you ‘one of the bridesmaids ‘ - were you very close before or is she a relative or does she control everything in your group of friends? Depending on that will make a diff to how you deal with the next step. I agree you should get her out of the wedding as she will make your special day all about her but if that is tricky and would mean you dealing with lots of unpleasant bitching and manipulation of your other bridesmaids, the groom etc then you need to get a few people around you to ‘manage ‘ her from now to then. Everyone needs to tell her it was not appropriate (including your husband to be - she was v dismissive of him and your dad ) and she needs to be the bridesmaid who is furthest away from you on the day. If she is going to still be around ban her phone from any event leading up and including the day otherwise she will be posting o you on your hen night and when you’ve had your hair done (although she sounds like the type to be photographing herself in the day).
I hope there’s time and it’s possible to remove her from your life before the wedding but if not - have a plan for others to manage and watch her like a hawk and dump her afterwards. Good luck with it.
Ps I’d get her off the top table at least

Douberry · 16/06/2019 18:16

Sounds like jealousy to me. What a cow. Ditch her as bridesmaid and tell her in no uncertain terms why. Then continue to enjoy your wedding planning and countdown to your big day!

Mummyshark2019 · 16/06/2019 18:17

Bang out of order. Get rid.

Uptheshard · 16/06/2019 18:19

Outrageous! Is she clueless??

SayItLoud1 · 16/06/2019 18:19

Sounds like she deliberately did it because who does that? Byatch or what, ditch her.

Lweji · 16/06/2019 18:24

I'm not supersticious, but she was incredibly unreasonable to post the photo without asking you first.
It was not her place to share whatever clothes you were going to wear anywhere, let alone your wedding.

I'd be very angry and she would be out of the wedding and my life asap.

Attitude84 · 16/06/2019 18:24

YANBU!!!! I’d be fuming!!! In fact I would be absolutely livid. Everyone knows the customs to do with a brides wedding dress! Did the stupid cow want to spoil it for you on purpose! Sack her as bridesmaid and speak to the dress alterations people and see if they can help make slight adjustments or changes to your dress so it is different for on the day!!!!

NannyRed · 16/06/2019 18:24

Definitely sack your bridesmaid, she’s a bitch. She knew exactly what she was doing! She certainly is no friend. Uninvite her and tell her what a nasty cow she is.

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