Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid posted a photo of my dress on Facebook

829 replies

Titsntats · 15/06/2019 07:21

I know I probably am but just wanted to hear others opinions on whether they would be sad about it or if I just need to get a grip!

Getting married soon and after trying on a lot of different dresses I finally found the one, something I never thought I would due to being very body conscious and anxious. Went back for final fitting at the weekend and took one of my bridesmaids as she wanted to see

After finishing the appointment and getting home I saw that she had posted a photo of me in the dress on Facebook (during the appointment so it had already been on an hour or two when I saw it) and tagged my partner in it saying she bets he couldn’t wait to marry me and how lovely my dress is. When I asked her to remove it her response was ‘it doesn’t matter if he’s seen it he’s a man so he will have forgotten what it looks like in 5 minutes time’. My dad had also seen it as well and it was going to be a surprise for him on the day too

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel! I am so gutted that it now won’t be a surprise to my partner or my dad. She knew how much that meant to me and the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner. As I paid in instalments the dress is now fully paid for and I don’t have time to get another one and do all the alterations etc. Someone tell me I will stop feeling like this soon!

OP posts:
MachineBee · 15/06/2019 17:31

If you decide to keep her as a BM, I like the idea of taking in her dress so it’s quite uncomfortable.

Seriously though, you’d be better off sacking her and uninviting her from the wedding.

I would also make sure the church, venue, any other service providers she knows about are informed that they must only take instructions from you. I would even go so far as to give them a new email address to use to confirm all changes.

What she did can only have been planned - goodness only knows what she might try next.

MissLadyM · 15/06/2019 17:33

She's a nasty bitch. Please dump her. She's the type of sly shit that'll try & spoil your wedding

ElizabethMountbatten · 15/06/2019 17:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

solargain · 15/06/2019 17:40

For goodness sakes. Tell her to fuck off.

bookworm14 · 15/06/2019 19:31

Photos weren’t allowed when I bought my wedding dress. I wasn’t even allowed to take home a photo the shop themselves had taken. They don’t want you going and getting their designs copied by a cheaper company.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/06/2019 19:58

"And no I haven't officially sacked her yet, know I need to but just don't have the energy to deal with her and find the words. Will have to do it soon though Blush"
No, I wouldn't want her as my bridesmaid any more either. Her excuses don't wash. I think it was spiteful of her, and I don't think I'd want to be looking at her face on my wedding day. Sad

Redglitter · 15/06/2019 20:04

Oh that is awful, she has ruined the most important day of your life

Oh for heavens sake that's slightly over dramatic.

CorBlimeyGovenor · 15/06/2019 21:48

Xmas -wow, what a brilliant choice!!

CorBlimeyGovenor · 15/06/2019 21:50

Lynette scavo

Genius!! Am laughing so much!! That's a much more subtle idea. Just enough so that she oozes out over the top of the dress at the back and front and that the zip has to be slightly pinned.

CorBlimeyGovenor · 15/06/2019 21:51

OP joking aside though, what have your other bridesmaid's said? Have you spoken to them? I would let them fight your battles for you, whilst you focus on the more exciting elements of the day.

gingerpaleandproud · 15/06/2019 22:14

As with everyone else on this thread, I am just flummoxed as to why someone would do this??!!

myohmywhatawonderfulday · 15/06/2019 22:22

She can not be your bridesmaid.
She is not your friend.
She fancies your husband or is really really jealous that you are getting married.
Never speak to her again.
You deserve better people in your life.
It was an absolute breach of trust on her part.
Muster the energy and stand up for yourself.

TrixieFranklin · 15/06/2019 22:23
Shock
SuperSara · 15/06/2019 23:13

Oh for heavens sake that's slightly over dramatic.

Isn't it just!

Anyone would think it's an outbreak of Ebola that's being discussed, not a frigging photo of a dress.

TapasForTwo · 15/06/2019 23:16

It is an utterly shitty thing to do though SuperSara. Surely everyone knows that it really isn't the done thing for the bride's dress to be seen by everyone before the wedding. It used to be considered unlucky.

GabsAlot · 15/06/2019 23:25

Wasnt her call to decide it doesnt matter-and the excuse means she mant to do it or she'd be mortified to upset you so much

poppinpink · 15/06/2019 23:26

Going against the grain here and seem to be the only one but maybe she's so happy and excited for you and just got a bit carried away! I get that it's not cool and maybe she genuinely didn't think hadn't ever been in the position herself?! She seems genuinely sorry to me🤷🏼‍♀️

FionasWineShow · 15/06/2019 23:34

She seems genuinely sorry to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Where do you get that?

Duck90 · 15/06/2019 23:36

an odd thing for someone to do!

But, it really isn’t the most important day of a woman’s life, it’s a memorable day.

Is that all our daughters have to look forward to?

Life will be full of good times and bad.

Enjoy your day, and try not to let this drama get in the way.

Pipandmum · 15/06/2019 23:39

I would never post ANY image of someone else on FB without their permission. I always ask my kids too. My page is private only ‘friends’ can see it but I’d always ask first.

LimeKiwi · 15/06/2019 23:43

Seems genuinely sorry to you? Sorry but where are you getting that from? Confused
Not seen any of the OPs posts that show that.
If anything the update showed jealousy, not sorrow!

HomeEdRocks18 · 16/06/2019 00:47

Sack the bridesmaid.

Willow2017 · 16/06/2019 00:59

She isnt genuinely sorry at all. She engineered the whole thing.
It was deliberate and malicious.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 16/06/2019 01:26

No, wait, hold on a minute...

She tagged the groom on the photo?

And then said he’ll forget because he’s a man.

Sexist Twit

SandyY2K · 16/06/2019 03:18

She's untrustworthy and I'd inform her she's no longer my BM and I don't want her at my wedding in any capacity.

I'd probably do it by text ...something like...."Following the incident with you taking a photo of my wedding dress without my permission and putting it on FB, I'm still very upset about it and after a great deal of thought, I've decided that I no longer want you as a bridesmaid or to attend my wedding."
"I specifically told you it was a surprise and you deliberately went against my wishes" "I don't want any more excuses for why you did this and would rather not see you in the meanwhile"

That kind of behaviour is much too sneaky and nasty.