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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bridesmaid posted a photo of my dress on Facebook

829 replies

Titsntats · 15/06/2019 07:21

I know I probably am but just wanted to hear others opinions on whether they would be sad about it or if I just need to get a grip!

Getting married soon and after trying on a lot of different dresses I finally found the one, something I never thought I would due to being very body conscious and anxious. Went back for final fitting at the weekend and took one of my bridesmaids as she wanted to see

After finishing the appointment and getting home I saw that she had posted a photo of me in the dress on Facebook (during the appointment so it had already been on an hour or two when I saw it) and tagged my partner in it saying she bets he couldn’t wait to marry me and how lovely my dress is. When I asked her to remove it her response was ‘it doesn’t matter if he’s seen it he’s a man so he will have forgotten what it looks like in 5 minutes time’. My dad had also seen it as well and it was going to be a surprise for him on the day too

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel! I am so gutted that it now won’t be a surprise to my partner or my dad. She knew how much that meant to me and the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner. As I paid in instalments the dress is now fully paid for and I don’t have time to get another one and do all the alterations etc. Someone tell me I will stop feeling like this soon!

OP posts:

Flashinggreen · 15/06/2019 11:50

Maybe report then?

TSSDNCOP · 15/06/2019 11:52

Jolly well done you diamondeye.

Can you please share tonight’s lottery numbers?

Stormy76 · 15/06/2019 11:53

The brides dress traditionally isn’t seen until walking down the aisle, if that was very important and she was a very good friend she would never have done that. It was spiteful and most likely stems from jealousy. Unfortunately her bitter behaviour has now ruined your friendship, there are no excuses for it.

Your day will be fantastic and the dress always looks different when you have the make up, hair, veil etc. See if you can get a belt or something because sometimes adding an accessory can complete change the way the dress looks on you. I would go back to the bridal shop and ask for their help, explain what this woman has done and they will be able to help you sort something out.

happymummy12345 · 15/06/2019 11:54

I would not be happy at all. No way would she be a bridesmaid or even at the wedding.
That's why when I went dress shopping no pictures were taken, not even when I'd found the one. I went to all fittings on my own due to living 250 miles from my family, but again even if someone had been with me there would have been no pictures taken at all.
I know some will say it doesn't matter, but personally if that happened to me, I would not wear the dress, I couldn't, knowing other people had seen it would be bad enough, but knowing my htb had seen it would be a massive problem for me, and I wouldn't wear it.
But you can't change what's happened, all you can do is try and move forward

Cryalot2 · 15/06/2019 12:01

What she did was wrong.
But just do not let it upset you, enjoy your day .
Many years ago I let my them fiance see my dress before we married.
I think quite a few saw it .
Is there anyway you would feel like having some simple thing done to it ?
Like flowers or a small bit or beading or ribbon added ?

SuperSara · 15/06/2019 12:06

Christ. What a drama over nothing.

I'd find it hard to summon the will to be as annoyed as some people on this thread are.

The bridesmaid was right in saying that the groom won't remember what he saw. Honestly he just won't care. I'm sure he loves you, OP, and will think you look fantastic in the dress but he will be if you start telling him how upset you are that he's seen the dress too soon.

My DH wouldn't have been able to pick my dress out in an identity parade 1 minute after I took it off.

CorBlimeyGovenor · 15/06/2019 12:08

I find it very hard to believe that someone could be so inconsiderate and stupid as to do this entirely innocently. Sorry, but my gut reaction is jealousy or indifference to your feelings here. You have every right to be furious!!

DioneTheDiabolist · 15/06/2019 12:28

What a dreadful situation OP.

GraceSlicksRabbit · 15/06/2019 12:30

Just because your DH has no interest in dresses SuperSara doesn’t mean all men are the same. What a nonsense sweeping statement to make!

And in any event it was in FB for all of OP’s friends and family to see, not just the men.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/06/2019 12:45

Horrible, bitchy thing to do.
Quite sure she did it deliberately, not "oo I didn't think" - just petty and spiteful.

Not everyone decides to keep their dress secret from the groom and the guests, but an awful lot of brides do, so it's hardly unusual - and you'd ASKED her to keep it quiet, so she actively went against your wishes.

Fuck her. Glad you've uninvited her and glad you're stepping back from the friendship - that's NOT the way friends behave in the run up to your wedding.

As for the dress - you love it and can't afford to change it, fair enough - but remember that your dad and fiancé haven't seen you with your hair done and the veil (if you're having one) so those things will make a difference in how you look on the day.
They might or might not remember the dress, but on the day, they'll still get the impact of the whole look which will be a surprise.

You don't need that "friend" back though.

NumbersStation · 15/06/2019 12:46

Your day will still be special. You will still marry the person you love and those around you will be part of your happiness. Your day is not ruined.

Your friendship is though. And for me, I wouldn't want her being part of my day.

Labmum · 15/06/2019 12:46

Personally I'd be fuming. I think your friendship is probably over regardless but you could either uninvite her to the wedding or bide your time and do the same to her when she gets married. Revenge is a dish best served cold 😉. That's obviously very immature and involves stooping to her level......

At the end of the day you get to marry your lovely hubby and she looks like a bitch to everyone on social media.

SrSteveOskowski · 15/06/2019 12:53

She wouldn't be my bridesmaid anymore after that. She wouldn't even be coming to the wedding.

littleyellowwellies · 15/06/2019 12:56

Omg was she born under a rock and only came out last week!!???

What on EARTH was she thinking!!!????

I'm legit FURIOUS for you!!!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/06/2019 13:00

Actually, thinking about it, she planned this.
She asked to come to the fitting to see the dress, she took the photo without you knowing and then she posted it and fucking TAGGED your fiancé in the post.

It was all 100% deliberate and the most bitchy thing.

minionsrule · 15/06/2019 13:02

I would keep her as BM but, sack the cost, buy her the most hideous BM dress ever made of the nastiest material.... and keep her out the official photos

B3ck89 · 15/06/2019 13:04

What an absolute bitch, she would no longer be my bridesmaid or have an invite

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/06/2019 13:05

The OP has already said the "friend" won't be coming to the wedding.
Bloody good thing too.

Neilsfavouritechilli · 15/06/2019 13:06

Echoing the sentiment of her being either thoughtless or a total bitch but you honestly wont remember it on the day. Seeing a picture is nothing like seeing a beautiful bride on her wedding day. Glowing, gorgeous and happy.

PurpleFlower1983 · 15/06/2019 13:07

It won’t spoil your day BUT if it was me she would no longer be required as a bridesmaid or invited to the wedding.

Neilsfavouritechilli · 15/06/2019 13:08

(she is a bitch though, as if youd do that!!!)

RavenLG · 15/06/2019 13:11

My only worry with sacking her would be what she would do to retaliate since see seems like a spiteful, jealous, petty bitch.

mogtheexcellent · 15/06/2019 13:12

Glad to hear she is not coming to the wedding. Made the mistake of keeping my bitchy friend as brideamaid despite things going wrong in the friendship in the weeks before the day. She ruined it and we havent spoken since. I dont even have wedding photos up in the house.

Im sure the dress will look so different on you with accesories and hair and make up.

FrogFairy · 15/06/2019 13:14

Went back for final fitting at the weekend and took one of my bridesmaids as she wanted to see

I think she planned to do this all along, she knew exactly what she was doing and sneaked a photo when you were looking the other way. This friendship cannot ever recover from this.

I just want to say OP, I hope you have a lovely wedding day and you will look amazing. Just remember your Dad and fiancé will be bowled over seeing you, the woman they both love and adore looking radiant and happy. Best wishes to you for the future.

BumandChips · 15/06/2019 13:15

Did no one comment on the picture saying ‘why have you posted it’?

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