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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bridesmaid posted a photo of my dress on Facebook

829 replies

Titsntats · 15/06/2019 07:21

I know I probably am but just wanted to hear others opinions on whether they would be sad about it or if I just need to get a grip!

Getting married soon and after trying on a lot of different dresses I finally found the one, something I never thought I would due to being very body conscious and anxious. Went back for final fitting at the weekend and took one of my bridesmaids as she wanted to see

After finishing the appointment and getting home I saw that she had posted a photo of me in the dress on Facebook (during the appointment so it had already been on an hour or two when I saw it) and tagged my partner in it saying she bets he couldn’t wait to marry me and how lovely my dress is. When I asked her to remove it her response was ‘it doesn’t matter if he’s seen it he’s a man so he will have forgotten what it looks like in 5 minutes time’. My dad had also seen it as well and it was going to be a surprise for him on the day too

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel! I am so gutted that it now won’t be a surprise to my partner or my dad. She knew how much that meant to me and the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner. As I paid in instalments the dress is now fully paid for and I don’t have time to get another one and do all the alterations etc. Someone tell me I will stop feeling like this soon!

OP posts:

StCharlotte · 15/06/2019 10:34

Woah! I'm rarely shocked but this is really shocking.

Suddenly these wedding shop photo bans make sense.

Well done for sacking her and getting the picture taken down. She will be cringing at herself for years to come x

dArtagnansCrumpet · 15/06/2019 10:35

She sounds fucking stupid. I'd be livid , sack her.

GoneFishingNC · 15/06/2019 10:37

OP, this is absolutely vindictive, disgustingly childish behaviour from your “friend” - unfortunately it sounds like you don’t know her well enough after all, v glad to hear that you’ve cut her out of your wedding.

You will look beautiful and will have an amazing time, all of this will be forgotten on the day itself. So please don’t worry too much on that score. As pp say, accessories, hair, make up all does a lot to complete the final look.

But I do hope you’ve told her exactly how unforgivable her little stunt / attempt to undermine you and derail your happiness is.

MotherOfSoupDragons · 15/06/2019 10:37

Sack her, then block her on facebook and get your DP and dad to block her too.

crustycrab · 15/06/2019 10:37

@Xmas2020 "Oh that is awful, she has ruined the most important day of your life."

Bit dramatic

However, she is completely out of order. She's jealous and spiteful. Show her this thread and tell her not to come to your wedding.

CrackersDontMatter · 15/06/2019 10:38

My DH and I were very relaxed about our wedding. He saw my dress online, I tried it on at home to show him, we both got ready at home together the morning of the wedding etc but I STILL would have been so upset by someone sharing a photo of me in my dress before the big day. I'm a little late to this and see that you've dealt with it so no advice really but just wanted to reassure you that despite him knowing what I was wearing, seeing me getting ready in the morning etc, DH still cried when I walked in to the ceremony. The day was still very special and it made no difference whatsoever to the day itself. I may have missed how long till your wedding but this is all still very raw, perhaps this friend will realise what an idiot she was and how badly she's hurt you and try her best to make amends. Perhaps she won't and it actually was a spiteful act but if that's the case then at least you know now.

I really hope you feel better soon.

kateandme · 15/06/2019 10:38

im sorry op.wat a tit face.
i know right now you must feel raw with the emotion.have that.then try and put it aside and dont let her own more of your special day.
this is how you make it special now.your whole view will be different on the day.you will be more sparkly and smiley and all floaty so it will make the dress look uniqu and you all the more beautiful on the day.so those that have seen it really havent seen an inking of how lovely you will look on the day.
it will be ok.feel stunnig because you will be.this is your day.your,your family,friends and fiances special day.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 15/06/2019 10:39

It’s like some girls don’t leave the bitch at school when they leave. Yes she could be really stupid and think it’s ok, but most likely she’s just a bitch.

Everyone reading that post would of been thinking she’s very thick thinking it’s ok to post or bitch.

Wouldn’t be coming to my wedding.....

CaptainJaneway62 · 15/06/2019 10:41

She is a nasty pice of work and definitely not a friend!

Good for you OP in not allowing her to come to the wedding!

God knows what other stunts she had planned for your day to make it all about her e.g being late, being drunk, being a diva, wailing about how unfair it is that it's not her blah blah blah....anything is possible with self obsessed, self centred people.

You are definitely well rid of her as she is not a genuine friend.

koolaider · 15/06/2019 10:42

I have no words for this!

WatchingFromTheWings · 15/06/2019 10:43

EVERYONE knows the dress is kept secret/hidden until the big day. She knew exactly what she was doing! I'd be ditching her as bridesmaid and friend!

StarbucksSmarterSister · 15/06/2019 10:43

the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner.

And she still did that? And refused to take it down?

I'd post on my FB page too - saying all of the above and that subsequently she is no longer a bridesmaid - or a friend!

She's a bloody bitch.

Lipz · 15/06/2019 10:43

What a cow !!! I wouldn't replace the wedding dress ( I know you're not ) I'd replace who's wearing hers...

You'll be amazed how different it is going to look when when you're all done up.

Men if they remember anything will be the shape of it and not the detail. I doubt they'll zoom in on the dress. On the day it is still magical when your dad and dh to be, see it close up and in person and you in it.

They'll both be proud of you and will still get the lump in their throat.

Is your friend a person who lives through fb ? Could be possible she didn't think ? Or is she spiteful ? Only you know her, so I'd make the decision soon whether to keep her as a friend or not.

Itssosunny · 15/06/2019 10:43

I can't afford to and don't really want to change the dress as it's so perfect so going to try and get past it, but she won't be coming to the wedding. I have also taken a step back from the friendship and haven't spoken to her since this happened. Don't know if I even want her back in my life again

You have the guts OP! Well done!

Gwenhwyfar · 15/06/2019 10:44

"It's common knowledge no one sees the dress let alone the groom! I'd be furious!"

No, common knowledge is that it's bad luck for the groom to see it.
I've never heard the idea that nobody should see it before.

eBae · 15/06/2019 10:48

Well done for making a clear decision. I hope she 'gets' what was wrong with her actions and doesn't cause you any more grief!

Pinkmouse6 · 15/06/2019 10:48

This is awful, she’s not a true friend. Ditch her as a bridesmaid.

ScreamingValenta · 15/06/2019 10:49

And the OP is not in the minority with this.

No, because people on this thread are egging one another on with ever-more dramatic pronouncements about this event. Look at the escalating language - 'Gutted' 'appalling' 'bitch' 'shocked' 'betrayal' 'utter cow'.

I am not denying the bridesmaid has acted inconsiderately, but this thread seems to be full of drama-llamas determined to make it an event of epic proportions. How does that help the OP?

If you took out references to the dress, anyone coming to this thread would assume the bridesmaid had slept with the groom or burnt the dress at the very least. Some of the reactions are insane - the bridesmaid posted a photo on Facebook which she has now taken down - it's a trivial matter, not something for which she deserves to be lynched.

People need to retain a sense of proportion. This thread is a classic example of everyone jumping on a bandwagon and competing to be the most outraged, without pausing to consider what has actually happened.

8misskitty8 · 15/06/2019 10:50

What a cow op, good on you for sacking her from your wedding. I would make it clear to people why she isn’t coming to the wedding as she will make up an excuse bearing no resemblance to the real reason.

Did you pay for her bridesmaid dress ? If you have then sell it and upgrade your view/tiara.

Darkstar4855 · 15/06/2019 10:50

I’m not into weddings and usually think posters on wedding threads are BU but you are very definitely NBU.

I think she is jealous and trying to sabotage your day. I would ask her not to be a bridesmaid as she’s proven she is selfish and can’t be trusted.

8misskitty8 · 15/06/2019 10:51

That should say veil !

Flashinggreen · 15/06/2019 10:51

YADNBU

Flashinggreen · 15/06/2019 10:53

You day isn’t all about how you look, it will still be fabulous despite this x

StarbucksSmarterSister · 15/06/2019 10:54

I hope taken a step back means you have sacked her.

As for those defending her, which part of I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise do you not get? If this friendship is lost, she has thrown it away, not the OP.

INeedAFlerken · 15/06/2019 10:54

Based on your updates, I think you're growing apart and jealousy reared it's ugly head so she sabotaged your day. Her relationship isn't working out, she's not anywhere near marriage herself, and she's now making a point of telling you she wouldn't care about a big fancy wedding? Jealousy. And spiteful behaviour to ruin a bit of your day.

I would tell her her presence won't be required in the wedding party due to her behaviour. She knew what she was doing. She just didn't care.

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