Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 10 11 12 ··· 33 34

Original poster

Bridesmaid posted a photo of my dress on Facebook

829 replies

Titsntats · 15/06/2019 07:21

I know I probably am but just wanted to hear others opinions on whether they would be sad about it or if I just need to get a grip!

Getting married soon and after trying on a lot of different dresses I finally found the one, something I never thought I would due to being very body conscious and anxious. Went back for final fitting at the weekend and took one of my bridesmaids as she wanted to see

After finishing the appointment and getting home I saw that she had posted a photo of me in the dress on Facebook (during the appointment so it had already been on an hour or two when I saw it) and tagged my partner in it saying she bets he couldn’t wait to marry me and how lovely my dress is. When I asked her to remove it her response was ‘it doesn’t matter if he’s seen it he’s a man so he will have forgotten what it looks like in 5 minutes time’. My dad had also seen it as well and it was going to be a surprise for him on the day too

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel! I am so gutted that it now won’t be a surprise to my partner or my dad. She knew how much that meant to me and the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner. As I paid in instalments the dress is now fully paid for and I don’t have time to get another one and do all the alterations etc. Someone tell me I will stop feeling like this soon!

OP posts:

nel123baby · 15/06/2019 10:10

Oh nononononono how dare she!!
If that happened to me I would not have her at my wedding what a bitchy thing to do! I would be absolutely furious.

Orangeballon · 15/06/2019 10:11

Let her see the comments on here regarding her behaviour.

Orchidflower1 · 15/06/2019 10:12

Thank you for the updates op- she is no friend at all. If she is late 20s I assume you’ve known her from school/ college/ first job. People change a lot in their 20s and early 30s as they have families etc.

If you don’t cut her out now she’ll post your baby scan pictures, share the gender and post pictures of and children you may have.

You deserve respect and kind friends- LTB - leave the b!tch

Reallynowdear · 15/06/2019 10:12

She is no friend. Please don't let this awful act ruin your day, otherwise she will have achieved exactly what she set out to do.

Enjoy your day x

Popskipiekin · 15/06/2019 10:13

@Titsntats I’m so sorry this happened to you. You are quite right to be reconsidering the friendship and 100% right to ditch her from the wedding. What an awful sinking feeling moment it must have been to see what she had done.

Just wanted to say though that I actually took now-DH with me to choose my wedding dress! I trusted his judgement, and wanted him intimately involved in what was a major purchase. I knew he would be honest and not say I looked wonderful if I didn’t.

I can truly say from the time of trying on to the time of walking down the aisle he really had forgotten what it looked like on me. I had forgotten what it looked like on me! Plus I had my hair properly styled, fancy jewellery etc, the veil. It did not look like a completely different dress but I looked completely different in it to the fitting room.

All is not lost. Don’t change accessories for the sake of it. If you like them, keep them. Take some time now to be incredibly angry and then try gently to park it on one side and enjoy the build up to your day.

FionasWineShow · 15/06/2019 10:13

Every single person looking at the photo on Facebook will be thinking what a clueless dipshit she is.

I mean, way to broadcast the fact that you're a bumbling fool to a wide audience.

WhoAteMyNuts · 15/06/2019 10:14

My DH saw my dress in the flesh before our wedding because I really didn't care about that tradition. However, just because I don't care doesn't mean I would ignore anyone else's feelings.

Don't let it spoil the 'surprise' as you will look very different with your hair and makeup and even just smiling on the day.

However, I wouldn't forgive her because it's very clear she wanted to take some of your joy away.

BatShite · 15/06/2019 10:15

This is seriusly shitty behaviour and I am struggling to see a reason for it besides, purposely being a cunt.

PeoniesarePink · 15/06/2019 10:15

Firstly she's no friend, that was a deliberate and callous action. Everyone knows you never share a photo like that.

Secondly, it's your big day and don't give her the satisfaction of letting her ruin it, which was her intention. Wear it with a smile, and enjoy your day. It's about the commitment you are making and not what you're wearing

user1471449295 · 15/06/2019 10:17

This has to be the most ludicrous bitchy thing I have ever heard. I can not believe the gall of her. I’m fuming on your behalf. Please sack her. She doesn’t deserve to be your bridesmaid. I’m sure everyone who has seen what she has done will be in full agreement and will applaud. I would be absolutely devastated, and also would not consider her a friend.

TheInebriati · 15/06/2019 10:22

This has to be the most unanimous thread I've ever seen on Mumsnet.

HomeTheatreSystem · 15/06/2019 10:22

Not only would I tell her she's no longer a bridesmaid but also that she is no longer welcome at your wedding. And after that block the self-centred attention-seeking POS.

I honestly cannot fathom what was in her tiny mind to do such a selfish attention- seeking thing. You do not need this awful person in your life, let alone at your wedding.

Please also don't add to the stress of organising a wedding by trying to change how your dress will look just because of her actions. This just serves to keep her malign influence in the picture.

Wishing you all the very best on your wedding day

Livpool · 15/06/2019 10:23

She is a cow.

And I was the most relaxed bride with (thankfully after reading this) no bridesmaid)

Definitely dump her, as a bridesmaid and a friend

TSSDNCOP · 15/06/2019 10:23

It could initially have just been a clumsy, clueless, over-excited thing to do, but her subsequent comments make that increasingly unlikely don't they. What a pity.

The dress, and you, will look vastly different from the fitting session, and actually on the day it's inner happiness that makes all brides truly beautiful.

It's crunch time now for your friend. The smart thing would be to step down. I don't think you can have her as your wing-man anymore though.

Rosielily · 15/06/2019 10:23

Sorry if I've missed the answer to this somewhere, but didn't anyone comment on her post that she was out of order?

Amma79 · 15/06/2019 10:25

There is absolutely no excuse for what she did, and aside from the fact that most people know its tradition not to show the dress to people before the wedding, you even spelled it out to her and told her you wanted it to be a surprise! If you also specifically said to her you wanted it to be a surprise to your partner and dad then she is being evil! Even if you didn't mention them, she likely is aware your dad's on FB and would see, and worst of all to me, she's basically committed one of the wedding cardinal sins by revealing your dress to your partner!

It's horrible, it's a betrayal of trust and friendship. I'd be so upset that not just a friend could do this, but I imagine she's considered a close friend to be your BM. Feel so sorry for you op, she's taken something special and important away from you, and as another poster said I would ask her if she's supposedly a close friend, why she thinks so little of you to go against what you wanted and so publicly as well, tagging on social media!

Sorry to say I think it's entirely deliberate, for whatever her jealous or toxic reasons are. I'm even thinking with the jealousy it's perhaps because traditionally it was thought it would bring bad luck to the marriage for anyone to see the dress before the wedding, but especially the husband and she knows this. She's deliberately trying to be vindictive. Sending a hug op, you are better off with having no bridesmaid in my opinion than her and personally I'd be cutting ties, she is no friend, stick with the ones who treat you like proper friends do and care about your best interests and feelings

ScreamingValenta · 15/06/2019 10:25

This has to be the most unanimous thread I've ever seen on Mumsnet.

Either something is unanimous or it's not - you can't have a 'most unanimous' thread - and this thread isn't unanimous.

BendingSpoons · 15/06/2019 10:26

I know this has been said, but it won't matter to your partner and dad on the day. You will look amazing with your hair, makeup etc done and being so happy it is your wedding day will make you radiant. You can still have that 'first look' moment.

This is not dismissing your feelings. I would also be hurt and disappointed so allow yourself to feel that for a bit. But then wear the dress you love and have an amazing day.

Itssosunny · 15/06/2019 10:26

OP, she might spoil your wedding as well as she doesn't care about the rules and also she is jealous. She didn't care about the friendship when posting the photo of the dress. She is a jealous bitch. I'd send her a polite message why she can't be your bridesmaid anymore. I wouldn't have liked her at the wedding either. Imagine worrying all the time she will do something to upset you.

Banhaha · 15/06/2019 10:28

Once you are in your dress you will feel so beautiful and your happy smiles will make the dress so much more beautiful than it could ever do in a shop. Please enjoy your dress.

Cherrysoup · 15/06/2019 10:29

Of course she did this deliberately. Tagged your fiancé? Massive bitch. She’d no longer be my bridesmaid.

IAmDetermined · 15/06/2019 10:30

Yes, it's annoying, but it doesn't matter. You have a nice dress - what difference does it make whether people are 'surprised' by it or not? Unless you turn up in a lime-green wetsuit or something, no one is ever going to be very 'surprised' by a wedding dress.

But it doesn't matter how you feel or how the bridesmaid feels. It's called considering other people's feelings, a very basic need within friendships. And the OP is not in the minority with this.

billybagpuss · 15/06/2019 10:31

Have you told her she’s sacked?

scratchyfluffface · 15/06/2019 10:32

How awful, I have shown the world and his wife a photo of my dress so don't prescribe to the view that 'it must be secret from everyone' BUT the one person I don't want to see it before the wedding is my DP - because I want to see his reaction on the day.

The fact she tagged yours in shows she wasn't just over excited, she was being vindictive - there is no one that would genuinely believe that is an ok thing to do.

NorthernKnickers · 15/06/2019 10:34

I'd be interested to hear what the responses on Facebook were to her 'Great Reveal' OP?

Flip

1 2 ··· 10 11 12 ··· 33 34