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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain about a thoughtless comment by supermarket worker?

185 replies

Sophiafaith63 · 14/06/2019 14:50

I was shopping with my daughter today and came across a lady giving out yogurt samples.

She asked if my daughter would like a sample then asked when her brother/sister was due! As I am not pregnant this was a very hurtful comment. I said I did not think that was a question you should put to a lady hoping she'd take the hint to leave the subject alone. However she then asked the same question again! I said I was not pregnant and repeated that this was not something you should say to a lady. Instead of an apology, she said it was just the way I was standing!

I was really upset by this and really want send an email to head office asking for this lady to be given training on how to speak to customers

Would this be reasonable or should I just let this one go as thoughtless rather than rude? Maybe I should toughen up but this really upset me.

OP posts:
Leighhalfpennysthigh · 14/06/2019 18:36

I'm another who doesn't understand why posters are defending this rude woman and attacking the OP. It doesn't matter if a person is 8 stone or 80 there is no need to publically comment on their weight - which this was.

Lemonlady22 · 14/06/2019 18:36

get a life 'lady'....if thats all you have to be worried about in life then you have it easy!

SoupDragon · 14/06/2019 18:37

She wasnt rude.

SoupDragon · 14/06/2019 18:38

She simply made an ill advised comment.

KC225 · 14/06/2019 18:41

In Asda I asked a 'youth' where a particular item was, he replied 'it's is aisle 7' and I asked which end aisle 7 was. He said 'I'll show you'. I was all 'No, no you're working' Then he said 'NO PROBLEM, I'LL TAKE YOU UP THE AISLE ANYDAY' and WINKED. I swear he was about 16 or 17. I was 40. I was so shocked, I didn't even make it to aisle 7. My DH was waiting in the car laughed for a full 10 minutes when I repeated the conversation. I said I was going to report the youth and my DH said 'for what, offering to help'

Ten years on and two kids every so often my DH can't help making a 'I asked when it was an no offered to take me up the aisle' comment. So immature.

80sMum · 14/06/2019 18:43

I remember about 40 years ago at a work social one of my senior colleagues commented on my boss 's wife's baby bump, saying "not long to go now, then. When's the baby due?" I knew that the poor woman was not pregnant, she was very overweight and most of the weight was on her tummy. I think they'd been trying for a baby for a while too. I cringed when I heard the comment.

I vowed there and then never to ask someone who looks pregnant any questions about the pregnancy, firstly because it's really none of my business and secondly because she may actually not be pregnant and would be very embarrassed.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 14/06/2019 19:02

I'm only ever a good lunch away from a pregnancy rumour. I have a small frame and any bloating immediately makes me look 4-5 months pregnant between my posture and small bust.

When I was actually pregnant, I carried large from very early on and got a lot of public attention including several arguments with random strangers who couldn't accept that labour was not imminent because I had many months left to go when they clearly knew my EDD better Confused

It's a clumsy, high-risk topic that is best avoided, but I wouldn't want to risk someone's employment status over it. (I see OP has decided to leave it as it is)

BreconBeBuggered · 14/06/2019 19:37

I know how you felt, OP. Last weekend DH and I were in a small museum, run by a couple of volunteers. I asked for 2 adult tickets and they insisted on probing as to whether we were entitled to a £1 OAP discount (not even close). I tried to shut down that line of questioning by offering the correct money and saying we didn't qualify, but the woman kept on about how awkward it was for her to have to ask when it's so hard to tell, so were we over 60 then?

I mean, it's easy to make an honest mistake, but them banging on about it makes you feel so crap.

Grumpymug · 14/06/2019 19:51

So you want her to lose her job because you were embarrassed?

Tbf, I've had people try and lose me my job for less and over well, doing my job as instructed.
When will us pesky service workers learn to be perfect I wonder? 🤔 I mean everyone puts their foot in it now and again, but service staff must be perfect, constantly. Must behave professionally although no one is willing to treat us as professionals much less think we should be paid as such.
Yes she was misguided, glad you're not going to head office about it, the way some people on here are going on you'd think she'd stood there and called you a fat cow and ridiculed you repeatedly and intentionally.

saraclara · 14/06/2019 19:58

On my 40th birthday, I was walking in a field, about to approach the edge, with my 7 year old daughter. Some boys (maybe 10/11 yrs?) were walking towards the tiny gate from the opposite direction, and one made as if to go through before us. His friend said "Stop - let the Grandma through first"

Heh. Great timing. Bless him.

RiftGibbon · 14/06/2019 20:14

I'm also reminded of a time when someone in a different department to us was asked by a nosy visitor, "When is it due" whilst gesturing at her stomach.
The woman in question had terminal stomach cancer.

There was also a colleague who had very recently had a miscarriage and was asked if she was pregnant. The person asking was horrified when she burst into tears.

So I stick by the 'small talk is not an excuse'. If you've been asking people if they're pregnant. Don't.

Carpetburns · 14/06/2019 20:19

She made a mistake, she didn't purposely set out to embarrass you.

Bloodless · 14/06/2019 20:24

I’ve had it said to me before & I know how it makes you feel OP. However there was no malicious intent with it ....just an innocent mistake. She probably didn’t hear you or know what you meant the first time. I’d let it go cc

WhoWants2Know · 14/06/2019 21:05

I get this all the time, and have done for about 20 years, since before I ever had kids and was a size 6. Can't be bothered to get emotional about it.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 14/06/2019 21:07

For the love of all that is holy....Chocolate you really think she should have said. 'I'm not pregnant, just fat'? Sheesh. 'I'm not pregnant' would have done, at a push. You actually think she should fat-shame herself? I despair, this is a women's site, and we shouldn't be dissing other women like this. But yes, BlueSkies should learn to spell 'lose' before doing the fat-shaming.

EKGEMS · 14/06/2019 21:12

I only did the grammar bitching because if the fat shaming sanctimony

ragged · 14/06/2019 21:20

How can you be insulted unless you think it's shameful to look fat?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 14/06/2019 21:22

Me too EKGEMS Grin. Don't start summat you can't finish with bad grammar/spelling :)

Youlooklovely · 14/06/2019 21:26

Op I think you’re being a bit sensitive

SoupDragon · 14/06/2019 23:04

I only did the grammar bitching because if the fat shaming sanctimony

Did you mean "because of"...?

Isatis · 15/06/2019 08:08

DM always says that if you haven’t anything nice to say, don’t say it

Such a daft saying, and fortunately not a maxim that anyone actually abides by in the real world. Other issues apart, MN would grind to a halt if everyone acted on that basis.

Antigon · 15/06/2019 08:12

@ragged

How can you be insulted unless you think it's shameful to look fat?

Really? 🙄

Being fat is not shameful but not wanting to be fat is perfectly fine.

Let’s not pretend that most women would be a little upset at being called pregnant when they’re not.

Antigon · 15/06/2019 08:13

*would not be

Deathraystare · 15/06/2019 08:19

Never took offence, just people making conversation.

Fair enough, but she kept asking!!!

I would have said no I am not and when she kept asking said Oh okay, you win, you know me better than I know myself and walked off.

I am overweight but never been asked if I was pregnant but I once walked through a department store that was sellig stuff aimed at dieters. She called me over but I just smiled and said it was not for me, I didn't need it (liar!) though I bet she thought I was a likely candidate!

Twocoffees · 15/06/2019 08:27

This happened to me once. I was overweight though. Not long afterwards I had a smear test and the nurse took my weight. She showed me that I was in the obese category on her chart. It was my wake up call and I lost the weight.