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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain about a thoughtless comment by supermarket worker?

185 replies

Sophiafaith63 · 14/06/2019 14:50

I was shopping with my daughter today and came across a lady giving out yogurt samples.

She asked if my daughter would like a sample then asked when her brother/sister was due! As I am not pregnant this was a very hurtful comment. I said I did not think that was a question you should put to a lady hoping she'd take the hint to leave the subject alone. However she then asked the same question again! I said I was not pregnant and repeated that this was not something you should say to a lady. Instead of an apology, she said it was just the way I was standing!

I was really upset by this and really want send an email to head office asking for this lady to be given training on how to speak to customers

Would this be reasonable or should I just let this one go as thoughtless rather than rude? Maybe I should toughen up but this really upset me.

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/06/2019 15:38

This isn't okay, but she's very unlikely to work for the supermarket so not much is likely to happen as a result of your complaint. I'd just try and forget it Thanks

Sparklingbrook · 14/06/2019 15:38

Before making a complaint check whether is was an employee of the supermarket or someone who goes round stores with samples and employed by an agency. Then it can be directed to the right place.

RiftGibbon · 14/06/2019 15:41

"It's just small talk" seems to be a go-to expression.
It's rude to ask personal questions and in this case, having been told twice,even ruderto persist.
If you want to make small talk, mention the weather, the nice top someone is wearing, or mundane chit-chat about it being busy/quiet in the shops.
Unless a baby is coming out of her, don't ask a woman if she is pregnant. However pregnant she looks.

Cakeisbest · 14/06/2019 15:45

As it was yoghurt perhaps she’d been told to check with pregnant people before giving them a sample, aren’t some yoghurt types best avoided in pregnancy? Still badly handled though.

diddl · 14/06/2019 15:48

"As it was yoghurt perhaps she’d been told to check with pregnant people before giving them a sample, "

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

Bahhhhhumbug · 14/06/2019 15:53

Your first reply didn't help tbh and probably saying you shouldn't ask a lady that and. not denying it probably confirmed to her that you were pregnant but didn't like being asked. You should've said lm not pregnant straight away. .

cheesemongery · 14/06/2019 15:54

I'd have forced out a loud fart and said there ya go - I think it's a boy!

I wouldn't have really. I probably would have asked which finishing school she went to and waddled off.

DecomposingComposers · 14/06/2019 15:54

I work with the public. I also have to wear splints on my hands, and on my foot. Multiple times a day customers ask me what's wrong, what have I done etc. If I give vague answers they persist with the questions. Maybe I should complain about them? Or, maybe, just accept that they are making small talk albeit a bit clumsily.

desperatesux · 14/06/2019 15:54

I think you should take it as a wake up call. People don't ask about pregnancy unless someone is ready to drop for fear of this exact thing happening.

InglouriousBasterd · 14/06/2019 15:55

Oh that would upset me too. Not sure it’s worth a complaint though. But I do wish shop assistants wouldn’t try to use this sort of thing as conversation, it can be such a touchy and potentially hurtful area.

SoupDragon · 14/06/2019 15:56

should I just let this one go as thoughtless rather than rude? Maybe I should toughen up but this really upset me.

This.

SandyY2K · 14/06/2019 15:56

Objectively speaking, do you look pregnant? Is it plausible that she thought you could be pregnant?

If so, I would leave it.

It's not about having some excess weight... I've seen people who are big, but I wouldn't mistake them for being pregnant.

Bookworm4 · 14/06/2019 15:59

and repeated that this was not something you should say to a lady.
Ok Hyacinth 😱

Timeandtune · 14/06/2019 15:59

I did this once and still feel awful about it. In my defence I was invited to a handover meeting and wrongly assumed that the women in question was going on mat leave. In my small defence she was the right age and very glam ( not overweight) just with what I thought was an obvious baby bump.
I never usually speak without thinking. I apologised profusely but she seemed to find it hilarious. Bringing her colleagues in on it and keeping the conversation going for ages.

Jonette · 14/06/2019 15:59

My mother was asked this many years ago. She went on a diet and lost 4 stone. I remember she was ashamed, though I was young.

I did this years ago. Met an ex colleague on a night out and asked her when she was due - I had known she was pregnant but had lost all concept of time. She told me he was 3 months old Sad The dagger eyes I received from the woman with her I'll never forget. I blundered something about not remembering the due date and congratulating her. Not my finest diplomatic moment.

Aprillygirl · 14/06/2019 15:59

To be fair to her she was putting the question to a child,not a lady. Seriously though as she wasn't addressing you,and therefore not concentrating on your face, I'm guessing she didn't hear you replying for your daughter,over the hustle and bustle of supermarket noise the first time,and was probably mortified when she did hear,and will have learned not to make that mistake again. Therefore unless you are set on revenge,I would just let it go if I were you OP.

HarleyS · 14/06/2019 16:00

At an old workplace, many years ago, there was a woman. Very thin, skinny almost, arms and legs, sullen face etc.
However, her stomach stuck out.
I asked her how many months?
Her face told me all I had to know.
I genuinely did not know then that stomachs could bloat to that extent or some people only stored fat in that area.
She probably thought I was being deliberately nasty.

Magi84 · 14/06/2019 16:03

It is unlikely she was an employee of the supermarket. Usually when a product is being given as a taster as an introduction to it the company producing the product supplies the demonstrator.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 14/06/2019 16:06

He gods! Talk about over reacting

Isatis · 14/06/2019 16:06

Yep, she was rude 3 times, so definitely complain.

1. Asking DD when bro/sis is due - you said you are not pregnant

But OP didn't say she wasn't pregnant at this point.

2. Asked you if you were pregnant - you said you were not and she shouldn't ask
3. She didn't apologise and blamed it on you (the way you were standing)

OK, she should have said sorry, but I'd interpret that as embarrassment and the first thing that popped into her head to excuse herself and get past the embarrassment - also to make it clear that she wasn't saying OP was fat.

I'd write this off as a trivial incident and forget about it, to be honest.

SandyY2K · 14/06/2019 16:08

Why are people defending the woman & asking Op could she look pregnant etc?

Because it's relevant. Saying it's not a question you ask a lady isn't the right response...it is a question you ask a man then.

I never felt it was a personal question when ppl asked me when I was due.

Its not like being asked how long it took to conceive.

I might feel upset if someone thought I was pregnant and I wasn't... but if objectively speaking I did look pregnant ..then I'd have to face the reality that it's my issue.

Breathlessness · 14/06/2019 16:08

I don’t understand why anyone would say it. If you’re wrong it’s incredibly rude so why take the risk?

Smurfie12 · 14/06/2019 16:09

Had a surprise 2nd child at 35, not over the hill yet, and was out shopping when one of the staff in the supermarket said to me that I looked like such a proud grandma pushing my grandson around!!!! I burst out laughing and replied he is my son not my grandson and then asked her to show me the beauty cream aisle as I must need hair dye and anti-wrinkle cream urgently. Poor woman was so embarrased but it was not meant to hurt me so I laughed it off.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 14/06/2019 16:10

Just be grateful you aren't the one standing in a supermaket all day, handing out yogurt samples.

If she pushed one of your 'crumple buttons', maybe about having another child or about body issues, then accept that & let it go. If necessary, work on your own stuff.

Ukelou · 14/06/2019 16:10

Surely the comment about the way you were standing was to make it better not to continue to be rude. It gave you both an 'out'. And quite honestly if someone said that's not something you ask a lady I would think they were being coy and a bit odd not denying they were pregnant. Just let it go she will probably lose her zero hours job and honestly was she rude enough to lose her job or just a bit tactless not good but not deserving of losing her job over.