As a married/ partnered woman, what is acceptable to you?

[operationsunshine]

What is acceptable to you regarding your husbands/ partners contact with women in general or friendship .
Do you trust him entirely or is there a limit to their contact that you will not accept ?
Following on from a couple of threads in ' relationships'

DH is on friendly terms with many women through sport and music, though he doesn't have female best friends. If he did, and I knew them, I wouldn't be bothered unless there were other things suggesting concern.

DH is perfectly happy for me to have very close male friends, who are also ex-boyfriends, and he positively encourages me to spend time 121 with them because he trusts me and knows it makes me happy. The least I can do it repay that trust, if/when he needs it. I go out for dinner, spend the night (separate bed except in extremis is the only rule), haven't been on holiday with them but he's ok if I do.

Single atm but I think that if I don't trust my partner around other people, of any gender, there's a big problem in the relationship to begin with. (why don't I trust my partner ? Did they do something to make me distrust them ?)

My friend is in a relationship and she is not happy about our friendship . She thinks it's too full on and he has begun to hide our contact from her as he gets too much grief . I have suggested taking a step back but he is adamant that she needs to accept this as we outdate their relationship and needs to deal with her own insecurities .

My husband has quite a few female friends - goes out for food/drinks with them. I'm fine with it. I don't think men/people cheat because they spend time with people of the opposite sex (if heterosexual).
I fell for him because he was fun and friendly - trying to restrict his friendships is going agaisnt what i love about him and, i think, deeply unfair.

he has begun to hide our contact from her as he gets too much grief

Don't worry about it. If he has already started lying to her to her so He can do what he wants, the relationship will be over pretty quickly.

My husband has a couple of female friends he is very close to. I trust him completely and have no issue with him seeing them for dinner etc. In fact I would be offended if they felt they couldn’t have dinner any more now that we are married.

The reasons I am ok with this are:

• my husband is completely true, honest and absolutely reliable. He would never be unfaithful.

-they have never been romantically involved (and have known each other longer than he and I have been together, and so had the opportunity if they wanted to)

• I know and like both women and we often see them as a couple as well as him seeing them alone

• they are friendly and welcoming to me and have been from the start of our relationship

• I have male friends I am close to where there is no romantic interest, so I know it’s totally possible.

If any of those things were different I can’t say how I would feel; but I might be more anxious about it.

I trust him implicitly, and he has always had good female friends.

There was one once, where I told him I was a bit concerned they were getting a bit too emotionally entangled, and he was disclosing some of our/my business I considered private, and he immediately took that on board, as did she, respectfully, and they re-established the boundaries. No hard feelings - our second daughter has her name as a middle name, by mutual decision, as she ultimately passed away from cancer. She was a lovely woman, and a great friend, to us both.

My dh has female friends. He socialises with them, partakes in sporting activities and stays in hotels when they're away on business (separate rooms).

The moment I stopped being ok with this I'd know my anxiety was rearing it's ugly glad again. I trust him implicitly and would never dictate who he spends time with.

He would be happy if it were reversed but since I've become quite anti social I don't really go out much.

Apart from sexual fidelity, I would expect to be able to feel that I am the most important adult in dh's life, that I am the one he would share his difficulties and his happiness with. As long as that was clear, I'd be very happy for him to have female friendships. But not to hide anything or lie. And yes, I would include a lack of flirtation in sexual fidelity. Have female friends if you like, but let them be friends like your male friends.

Why does she think you and your friend are too full on?

I trust my partner entirely and don’t mind him having female friends. However there is also an issue of respect and I would always expect him to respect our relationship.

How do you behave with your friend?

I've lost a male friend because he had a jealous girlfriend. She demanded he stopped spending time with me and he complied. The relationship (obviously) didn't last and he is around more now but our friendship isn't the same anymore. People in new relationships always disappear a bit, i have no problem with that at all but he started avoiding me in the office (we all worked together at the time) so he didn't piss her off and I don't like being treated like that.

My partner has lots a handful of very close female friends (from school and uni-friendships spanning 20+ years). At first I found it difficult due to my own issues.
Then I got to know these bright, funny, smart women and they became my friends too.
Friend E, he lived with after uni, they have travelled together, she even flew out to meet him after a business trip in Cuba during the course of our relationship. Most people would bawk at that, but every person and circumstance is different and I trust them 100%. Friend J did a physical challange with him 2 years ago that had them cycling almost 800km across a mountain range. I am not physically capable of that kida cycling. It was a bucket list thing for him and I'm glad he didn't have to do it alone. I've never met G, she lives abroad, still I trust my partner 100%. I wouldn't be bothered if it was a guy, I'm not bothered that it's a girl. Totally platonic. It does exist.
Should he 'cheat' then obviously our relationship wouldn't be worth what I hoped it was. No amount of worrying or controlling behaviour will change a cheat from being a cheat. These women have helped shape him into the man I love, and I am forever grateful for that

Trust him completely. He's off to the USA on business soon. He's going a few days early to stay with a female friend who he hasn't seen for a while.

My DP is still good friends with his ex and they are in touch quite regularly. She is happily married to someone else and I’ve seen their messages and they are completely platonic with not even a hint of flirtation.
I wouldn’t be overjoyed if he had single attractive female friends who he met up with on a one to one basis. I don’t think he’d ever cheat but i’d still feel insecure about it

I have no qualms whatsoever.

Most of my close friends are/were male. I'm now mid 30's and basically have minimal contact with old friends now as their gf's/wives were so insecure/ott about female friendships.

My husband is allowed to be friends with and as close as he likes with whoever he likes. If he ever happened to fall for someone else, that would happen regardless of how I felt about it or however much I tried to control it, so 🤷

He's not my property, he's my partner. He makes his own decisions.

I trust mine.

My DH meets ex colleagues and former students for coffee occasionally. Some of them are female. I am fine with this.

Opposite sex friendships are fine to me and I have a real issue with anyone who gets jealous or possessive over them. I have had close male friendships and DH has close female friendships. We've stayed over at friends houses as well.

I've been friends with guys who've downplayed when we've caught lunch or a coffee (my DH knew) because they knew they would get grief from their girlfriends over it. It used to annoy me and then DH rightly pointed out their relationship is their problem.

I can't help but feel that if someone is an out and out cheater then no amount of possessive whining is going to change them and if someone isn't a cheater then being on someone's case all the time is the sort of thing that creates a wedge and makes cheating likely to happen, if not with the friend with someone else.

Sleeping in the same bed: not ok
Spending hours on the phone and going out every night together: not ok

Apart from that, jeeez what kind of relationship is it if you are on a leash? if someone must cheat or fall for someone else, they will. Being a jealous harpy will only push them away further and faster.

I have male friends, why shouldn't DH be allowed the same? Either you trust someone or you don't.

I trust my husband, but trust is not the fixed quantity people talk about.

If you lose intimacy, change behaviour, or change character, trust can be re-evaluated. Not a major thing, but one of the little checks and balances that keep a relationship healthy.

It's exhausting to live in a relationship with no trust, but equally exhausting to live in a relationship that relies on trust that has been damaged. And lying and concealing contact with another woman - who he also complains about the relationship to - is a surefire way down that path.

If my husband wouldn’t do it with me in the room, then it’s not Ok with me.

Otherwise I’m fine. Same goes for me.

So I would NOT talk to male friend about my smear test or sex life. But I would talk one about my work or child related problems.

All the dodgy stuff starts with talking IME. If you are asking yourself if your physical contact is too much, I think you’ve already overstepped the boundary.

I d only ever dicusss relationship issues with a very close and trusted female friend /relative . Too many women do this and discover they have been confiding in the OW. Which ends up being more of a headfuck than the cheating.

The majority of these stories are heart warming . It is good to know that they can and do exist .
I'm fearful that he will be worn down by her . In fairness to her , our contact has not diminished at all since they got together . We still meet as much, text as much , have nights out/ dinners / concerts together as much. In fact, only that he speaks about his relationship, I would never have guessed that he was actually in one .
He sends lovely photos of holidays or of where they may go together but he does this when he is with her so maybe she is angry about that.
We exchange a lot on social media , comments , funny videos etc and I know she was upset about this as he said he doesn't actively want to have this communication with a girlfriend that is so new , in case it breaks down . I get that but I also get why she may get feel excluded from that side of his life .
We treatone another like siblings . We confide inone another and look out for one another like we do with all of our friendships.
She doesn't like this .
What can I do to protect my friendship .

Its difficult
I would suggest you try meeting her as much as you can and spend time with her so she knows you're not a threat

What is the reason why she doesn’t like your relationship?