I want him to leave.

[MumHowDoYouSpell]

I have a terrible fear of spiders, there was a spider in our living room today. OH managed to capture and kill it very quickly.

He scooped it up in a tissue, then he came really close to me and taunted me with it, then eventually threw it on me.

Some may say that it's humour and banter, since it has happened I've had two showers.

OH has apologised and I believe that he is genuinely sorry, I've asked him to leave for a few days but he thinks I am joking.

I would never ever do something like that to him, I was petrified and he continue to taunt me with it.

That sounds absolutely terrifying, does he know how scared you are of them? I can see both sides but honestly my skin wouldn't stop crawling

I can totally sympathise with you, I have an extreme fear of them too and my dad used to chase me round the house with them when he caught them. It used to terrify me so I would feel exactly the same as you and would be so angry if my partner did that to me!

@NeatFreakMama

Yes he is fully aware about my fear of spiders, my skin still feels funny and I keep getting visions of spiders.

What an arsehole!!

I have a massive fear of spiders, and my OH just doesn’t get it, seems to think I can just “get over it”. Whenever I ask him to catch a spider, he either refuses, or decides to catch it and show me!!

If he threw one at me, I’d be throwing him out the window!

Fucking arsehole. Yanbu at all. He's a nasty bully.

I hope you're ok op. My skin crawled reading your post.

@Titsntats

Thanks for understanding, I really thought I'd be told to get a grip.

I just want him to leave, and if he thinks he is getting in our bed tonight he has got another thing coming.

Yabu to ask him to leave, it's his home too I imagine? He obviously thought you were just a bit scared not actually phobic of them and is probably embarrassed of his behaviour. Or at least I'd hope so? But rationally, no, sorry yabu, it is just a spider. And I'm phobic of them too.

Unless you live in Australia and it was one of their spiders... Then no, yanbu, I'd put him under the patio tbh 😁

That’s awful OP. What a bully. You are completely right to ask him to leave.

@bigredfolder

I am not ok, I just can't believe he would be so cruel.

Who's house is it? Do you rent together? Do you have anywhere you can go?

In your shoes I would pack a bag and go stay with a friend/relative if possible. It's clear he has no respect for your feelings and is unlikely to accept he should leave.

I'd go myself and be saying calmly 'if you were genuinely sorry you would respect my asking you to leave. This entire situation occurred because you think it is ok to ignore my wishes'.

If you said 'no' to sex would he ignore that too?

If you are living together then he should know and be aware of your fear. What he did is not 'a joke'...he is cruel and it makes him a bully. No one should have to live with an arsehole like that.
I'm betting it's not the only 'funny' thing he does.
YANBU

That is really cruel behaviour. I'm terrified of spiders and my DH gets rid of them as quickly and quietly as possible.

My father used to taunt me with them and made my fear worse. He used to threaten to make me sleep with a live one when I was small or lock me in the bathroom with them (there were always loads in there).

My DH isn't a nasty vindictive bully, my father is. There's nothing funny about using someone's deep seated phobias to torture them for your own amusement.

@BlessYourCottonSocks

We bought it together but it is in my name, I am not taking DS 5&7 and leaving. I promote nothing but kindness it's one of the rules in our house.

I rarely reject sex, but if I was to say no he wouldn't ignore.

@ToPlanZ

I am so sorry to hear that hugs

@LikeARedBalloon

He honestly hasn't done anything like this before, I was telling him to stop and take it out but he continued to taunt me.

On the whole we have a good relationship but he does do certain things I don't like.

Thanks everyone for listening to me, I feel a tad bit better.

Ok, sorry, hadn't picked up on the fact that you had DC (despite user name )
I think you have to be firm then and insist that you need him to listen to what you are saying; that if he has any respect left for your feelings and is genuinely remorseful that he will give you the space you need.

@BlessYourCottonSocks

He needs to leave tonight, I have told him numerous times but he is still here.

That's awful - he has just turned your fear into a phobia. If my OH did that I would leave for the night or turf him out. But he wouldn't as he respects my fear (even if he laughs at me a little bit. ) In fact over the years he has helped me not be phobic anymore - I just have a fear. I used to scream and cry at pictures of them!! My child now thinks I love them as I can control myself almost completely. if they are not on me

It's very bad, I agree, that a partner should play on someone's fear like that; it makes them untrustworthy. However, there was no need for the spider to be killed, it could just have been put out of the window. Maybe you should also try to overcome this irrational fear as you are a giant to the spider and it will be more scared of you!

That's horrible. I have a massive phobia of spiders and if DP did that to me I wouldn't want him near me for a week. I hope he's shown he's very sorry.

I can't believe he killed it just catch them in a glass or a tissue and throw them outside.
I'd leave him for killing it tbh

ExH used to do this to me too. He thought it was hilarious. One of the many fucking reasons why he's an ExH.

Yanbu - he was needlessly cruel and that is the thing that’s awful. I totally understand why you want some space from him. Hope you’re ok

@QueenoftheBiscuitTin

Yes he has apologised but then gone on to tell me relax because it isn't that serious

No offence but has horrible as it is you don’t get to kick someone out of their own house. If you need some time apart then you can’t leave. Don’t need to take the kids.