I want him to leave.

[MumHowDoYouSpell]

I have a terrible fear of spiders, there was a spider in our living room today. OH managed to capture and kill it very quickly.

He scooped it up in a tissue, then he came really close to me and taunted me with it, then eventually threw it on me.

Some may say that it's humour and banter, since it has happened I've had two showers.

OH has apologised and I believe that he is genuinely sorry, I've asked him to leave for a few days but he thinks I am joking.

I would never ever do something like that to him, I was petrified and he continue to taunt me with it.

julensaor Wow. Just wow. What a cruel,heartless post. Why don't you print it out,frame and post it on the wall you must be so proud! OP does he have a clue at all how cruel he was to you,telling you it happened hours ago?!

So some people think a partner inflicting fear on someone is no big deal, and OP should be less uptight about this? Causing physical pain is bad but mental pain isn't so bad?

It's not about the fucking spider. It's the knowing act of cruelty causing fear in someone, which is abusive behaviour in my book.

I'm so scared of spiders it makes me shudder to type the word (and the fucking emoji comes up on autocorrrect too ) and even I would know it's not actually the spider causing the upset, it's the fact my DH would be so knowingly cruel and unkind to me. Seriously I would rather be hit than be touched by a spider (and have experienced both before anyone says anything).

Seriously, would any of the people here saying it's not a big deal, treat their partners or family members so badly knowing they have a severe phobia? Would they act this way themselves to someone they love? What about if someone did this to your DC (especially their own father), I bet you wouldn't be minimising it then. The people who have said their parents did this to them have received sympathy on here, but OP hasn't?

Generally we don't knowingly inflict pain on those we love, whether it's mental or physical.

I get that asking him to leave the house would be seen as a knee jerk reaction but it would seriously make me re-assess a relationship, althoughI know my DH is the kind of man who would never ever do this. This is the action of a man who is unkind, and I would bet my house he has or will be unkind in other ways.

OP, I don't like spiders but I certainly don't have a phobia. I would be apoplectic if my DH did that to be.
I can't imagine how awful it was for you.
There is something really wrong with him and nasty about what he did.

Him telling you that you should be over it after a few hours would put me into an absolute rage. The cheeky nasty fxxx.

I would be having a long hard think.

Love is a very delicate thing

I would not be feeling good about my relationship if my partner was to behave in that matter.

He's an absolute prick.

I hope you feel better soon. You poor thing.

May I ask you a question OP - something yo usaid earlier when asked who owned the house, you said We bought it together but it is in my name - why isnt his name on the deeds ? It leaves him very financially vulnerable

@EKGEMS

He did apologise again this morning, he is out at the moment and is being a complete and utter nonsense by keep on calling me, which he never ever does.

I am feeling a bit better now but I keep getting heart palpitations.

@MyOpinionIsValid

It was his idea for it to be in my name, as for everything else is in my name.

We go half on almost everything... bills, school fees, holidays etc.

I think you're absolutely right to be angry with him. My husband knows I have a pathological fear of spiders. To the point that we check the bedroom every single night before going to bed and that if I do happen to find one if i get up early (sometimes as early as 4.30am) I am to just get him out of bed to get it. He's my hero in this respect and would never be so foolish as to taunt me with one - even if it was dead.

I'm not even sure I understand why your husband would think that was in any way funny!

ExH used to do this to me too. He thought it was hilarious. One of the many fucking reasons why he's an ExH.

Same. It's bullying behaviour, and the fact that OP's OH is saying it's not that serious basically highlights he doesn't actually give a shit.

My DH often runs towards me with the spider in a tissue just to make me scream but he would never throw it on me, I would get hysterical! I'm not actually that scared, I just don't like big spiders. He wouldn't do it if I had a phobia.

He did chase me round the house with a magpie that came down the chimney once though, it was squawking and I was screaming, he found it very funny...

I am feeling a bit better now but I keep getting heart palpitations.

If these carry on, I suggest getting it checked.

@MulticolourMophead

I get heart palpitations a lot, I take medication for it.

Thanks for your concern though x

Great, at least it's not something new and unexpected.

I think you're overreacting.
I also have a spider phobia, and my other half also occasionally runs at me with them in a tissue, which usually results in my shutting myself in a room yelling at him until he puts it outside.
I'm not saying you're not correct to be extremely annoyed, I would be too as it's horrible, but at the end of the day, he chucked a dead spider at you. Not the best thought out joke in the world, but he obviously thought he was just teasing. Trying to kick him out over this is unreasonable.

Just because you're okay with your partner having no care or respect for your feelings and phobias doesn't mean everyone else has to be Meggie.

Sorry to derail slightly, but Meggie are you actually happy to be in a relationship with Some one who does this? More than once... I wouldn't entertain it.

I think a sense of perspective is needed here. The insensitive fucker shouldn't have thrown a dead spider at you if he knew the extent of your fear.

However, if he's never done this before, it could be argued that he didn't fully realise the effect his actions would have. YANBU to be very angry.

But YABU to kick the poor cnut out of his home.

Stick him in the doghouse a few weeks, go out with the girls and get properly shitfaced - you'll feel better!

I was 100% with you in you wanting him to leave but then you said you had two young kids together and he half owns the house. Sort of changes things.

Sorry but unless there have been similar events or other personality issues with him I think you're going to have to forgive him rather than tare the family apart because of one stupid act. I'd make him suffer for a bit thinking I wasn't going to forgive him and then make it clear you will but if he EVER does anything like that again he's gone.

@TeaForTheWin "I'd make him suffer for a bit"

Amen, sister

@cliffy69

That made me giggle but unfortunately I don't go out, on the odd occasion I might go for a hot drink with one of the mums from the school, but besides that... I never go out, I don't even drink.

@cliffy69

I am 28 years of age, so I've had to grow up really fast.

@GabriellaMontez yes, because I know he wouldn't actually put said alive spider on or particularly near me. He did drop a dead spider on me once (completely by accident, it fell out the tissue when he was going to throw it away) and although I got a massive fright, I didn't try to throw him out of the house.

I also have a spider phobia, and my other half also occasionally runs at me with them in a tissue, which usually results in my shutting myself in a room yelling at him until he puts it outside. That sounds more like a fear or spiders rather than a genuine all encompassing phobia. There is difference. Hearing your own heart beating in your ears, feeling physically sick, panicking, shaking, reacting without thinking about the consequences eg: lashing out

If you do indeed have a genuine phobia, then your boyfriend is a bullying asshole, that is more interested in getting a kick out of getting a reaction out of his terrified gf, rather than thinking about how she feels.

Can you co.promise and ask him to sleep on the sofa or in a spare room if you have one? Tell him every time you look at him it brings the incident back and you're having panic attacks.
After 8byears together he still doesn't know you well enough not to play this childish prank. What a f'king idiot! And as a spider phobic myself, YANBU. Maybe your relationship has deeper problems than you realise and this was just a final straw. He seems very dismissive of your feelings.... where is the care and kindness?

Taunting someone when they are clearly terrified is 100% unacceptable. It’s the fact that he either didn’t care or didn’t realise you were so terrified! Massive alarm bells for either reason. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask him to vacate for a couple of days while you calm down. It’s easier to deal with your feelings about something like this when the cause (ie DH) is not in your face.

Thanks for all the support, I really appreciate it. I am so glad that I can always come here when I am feeling down or annoyed.

Everything is back to normal with me and OH, it's almost as if he is on his best behaviour, he has even asked me if I want a foot massage (which he has never asked before)

And we are going to take the boys out tomorrow.