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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Extra curricular activities - aibu?

139 replies

GreatOne · 13/06/2019 16:11

To expect DS aged 10 to do one sport and maybe even be grateful for it?
Has no interest in anything at all.....So I'm just wasting my time and money??

OP posts:
Dreamingofprosecco · 13/06/2019 16:13

Some kids just aren’t sporty? Would he like anything like cubs / scouts?

Vulpine · 13/06/2019 16:14

Not sure about enforcing gratefulness on kids

Original poster
GreatOne · 13/06/2019 16:27

DS did Reception to end of Year 5 at football club first with FA Skills then grassroots club who were really good, coach was ex semi-pro.
He asked to stop which I said that was fine, but had to finish the season and replace it with another activity.

He had zero interest in any activity, no suggestions of his own, not keen on my ideas.

He's been doing tennis for Year 5 and Year 6, excepts a treat for going (eg. Just got a gingerbread man from the bakery on the way). Seems to not grasp that doing an afterschool club is a treat in itself! Said he doesn't exactly want to go, so is earning the reward. I've explained it's expensive and so is my efforts waiting here to taxi him home.

He has fun while he's there and has made friends and has a laugh doing it. He's actually learnt to play well too.

But Maybe I should just let him quit and do nothing? As he's so ungrateful

OP posts:
maimainomai · 13/06/2019 16:31

Movement / exercise is extremely important.

Give him the choice between an ea (not necessarily tennis. Tennis sucks imo) or going jogging with you? Or doing yard work or something similar?

mindutopia · 13/06/2019 16:32

I hate sports. I would be miserable if a parent had forced them on me. Why not sit back and give him time to explore other things he might be interested in, ones that may not be in the form of an after school club.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/06/2019 16:32

They're almost all like that at that age OP but I think it's important he does some sort of physical activity for his health and fitness more than anything. I think a team sport is great for social experiences too. I wouldn't be bribing him to go but at that age I wouldn't expect much gratitude either!

iklboo · 13/06/2019 16:34

If he's not enjoying it then it's not a treat for him, it's a chore (even if you do bribe him afterwards).

theworldistoosmall · 13/06/2019 16:35

Stop wasting time and money and listen to him. He doesn't like doing sports. There are other more enjoyable ways of being active than extracurricular activities.

Faster · 13/06/2019 16:35

I hated organised sport/dance/team stuff as a child. Hated it. So my mum didn’t force me to do it. I would happily have spent my time reading books. It didn’t mean I was ungrateful, it just wasn’t something I liked or enjoyed. We spent lots of time playing games together instead so I got enough exercise.

Beechview · 13/06/2019 16:35

If he’s having fun there then just carry on. I don’t think kids are usually grateful for anything. It’s just how things are for them.

MorondelaFrontera · 13/06/2019 16:37

I think it's up to the parents to make them do at the very least 1 sport, and 1 extra-school activity (music, theatre, anything). Of course it's not "a treat".

First, what are the clubs offered at his school?
Then he can chose between
team sport (foot, rugby, volley, basketball)
Athletic
swimming
cycling
martial arts (and that include so many different ones!)
horse riding

I don't know the list is pretty much endless but you can see what clubs actually exists in your area.

I wouldn't tell him that he can either pick one, or I'll pick it for him.
What else does he do if he's not doing anything? The poor kid can't be doing homework all afternoon, can he?

MorondelaFrontera · 13/06/2019 16:39

He doesn't like doing sports.
unless he has tried every single sport under the sun, he doesn't know.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/06/2019 16:39

I hated organised sport/dance/team stuff as a child. Hated it. So my mum didn’t force me to do it.

Same for me but I wish my mom had forced me to do it

blueheaven97 · 13/06/2019 16:41

Why would/should he be grateful for being forced to do something he doesn't want to do? It's not a treat if he hates it.

Some kids just don't enjoy doing these things. I still break into a cold sweat when I think back to the some of the clubs I was forced to try, against my will, when I was a kid.

thecatsthecats · 13/06/2019 16:42

Kind of reminds me of my mum's attitude that the branded (charity shop) cord trousers she got me were a 'treat' (that I didn't care about), and that is was 'awful' when I fell and tore the knee spoiling them (never mind I was sobbing with a massive bleeding cut).

You're ignoring your kid in favour of your pre-conceived ideas. If you want to treat your son, do something he wants. That is separate, of course, to ensuring he gets enough active time.

HiJuice · 13/06/2019 16:44

What's he doing at home as an alternative? Maybe he's not bored enough? Maybe if you stop him watching TV/going on computer he will have more interest in other things. On the other hand if he's rather be out playing with friends I would let him rather than enforcing activities. Try again next year

Original poster
GreatOne · 13/06/2019 16:46

Some kids just aren’t sporty? Would he like anything like cubs / scouts?

Asked about music - he's no interest in any instrument.
Secondary offers tuition during the day, he's said no.
Won't do a choir either.

No to trying dance, martial arts, drama, bushcrafts, etc etc.

Over the years he's tried....

  • rock/wall climbing (which he enjoyed as a day activity, but doesn't seem to want to do as a club)
  • air rifle at outdoor pursuits centre (thought that'd be a hit, because he likes fortnite, but no.)
  • sailing (he said that was quite scary, so was a no.)
  • kayaking (which he said no, then bargained he'll do it but only if he can quit tennis)
  • coding (has done the summer camps at the Apple store)
  • recorder (he did for a long time, grudgingly after school and learnt to read the basics of sheet music. Same way i started before I took up violin. But ultimately said no to wanting to choose a proper instrument.)
  • cross country (did a few of the kids races at the properly organised 10k/half/marathons local to us)
  • athletics
  • hates swimming

I've even suggested skate boarding, skiing, snowboarding, trying to get inventive....

He's enthusiastic about NOTHING Confused

OP posts:
maimainomai · 13/06/2019 16:47

Does he enjoy anything?

MorondelaFrontera · 13/06/2019 16:48

Why would/should he be grateful for being forced to do something he doesn't want to do?

what else is he doing instead? A 10 year old should be active, and do some kind of physical activity for at the very least 1 hour a day. So what's the alternative?

There a re a lot of other options than team sport for those who don't like them.

maimainomai · 13/06/2019 16:48

Ah, fortnite. How much time does he spend playing / is he on the computer or a similar device in general?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/06/2019 16:49

Why on earth should children be forced to do a sport and another activity if they dont enjoy it.? There are lots a various different clubs he could look at that are non sporting. Does he like chess, film making, singing, music, cubs, animation, art? Look at what is available and see if he is interested in any of it.

theworldistoosmall · 13/06/2019 16:49

So why not quit tennis and do kayaking?

MorondelaFrontera · 13/06/2019 16:50

OP, bonus point for letting try all these things.

What do his friends do? I would tell him he has to pick up something, or I put him down for an after-school club of my choice - which is much cheaper anyway. His choice.

MorondelaFrontera · 13/06/2019 16:51

Why on earth should children be forced to do a sport and another activity if they dont enjoy it.?
because people need to be active to be healthy, that's why. It's not normal for a 10 year old (or even adults) not to do anything. If it means playing football in the park every day after school with his friends, that's ok too.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/06/2019 16:52

A walk in the park is active you dont need organised activities to be active.

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