Extra curricular activities - aibu?

[GreatOne]

To expect DS aged 10 to do one sport and maybe even be grateful for it?
Has no interest in anything at all.....So I'm just wasting my time and money??

Oh - and the guitar lessons... the. guitar. lessons.

5 years ago he taught himself how to play using youtube, so they were a total waste of money too.

DS tried a few clubs at primary (football, athletics) but didn’t enjoy anything enough to go more than half a term. He had swimming lessons at 4 but had made no progress after a term so we stopped and he tried again at 6, did it for about 3 years and is an ok swimmer but never loved it. He’s done Beavers, Cubs and now a Scouts which has enabled to try a variety of activities. Holiday club has also meant he’s tried golf, tennis, horse riding, ice skating, climbing, scuba just for a few hours and he’s been able to repeat the ones he’s enjoyed. But generally he hasn’t enjoyed team sports and I hoped he’d find like minded kids at secondary.
He does play chess once a week now, but has also joined rugby club, which he loves. I was really surprised but it’s totally his idea.
I agree with keep limiting screen time and let him choose what he wants to do.

I would ask him what he wants to do with his evenings weekend . Excluding weekends.

My Ds gets bored easily. He has gone all through beavers, cubs and scouts as it is different every week
Lifesaving is good again the variety.

He is year 7 . First school activity other than swim galas etc he joined was this half term so took him a while to join anything but if friends go they often join.

It may be worth dropping the tennis and leave him to be bored. See what he does then if you maintain the screen limit

GreatOne

my children do (6 and 8 sports each)

Wow actually wow
That's a sterling effort for both you and your DC !

It’s a logistical nightmare, with us both working FT and also being chair of a football club, but under the rewards it
Brings for each child, we’ve given up some glasses as it’s just not them... however T leavst we’ve tried. We also have a rule they 5 x classes are mandatory and if they still don’t lurk the class then find, but they at least give it a try.

I guess the question could be why doesn't he want to do anything? I mention this because my ds has been spectacularly unkeen to try most things too - especially school clubs and sports and I sympathize because it is hard to know what to do. Could it be confidence/ fear of failure / that he has to be perfect at things? If so it becomes a circular argument that they won't try things for fear they won't be good enough but if they don't then they won't get good at it!
Kids are being themselves. He will have a reason for why he is as he is, even if he can't easily explain it
Children need exercise for their bodies but also learning things is how we develop skills, confidence, our brains..
It must be possible to have a balance where he does something (s) without it having to be organized things especially not every day?
Fresh air / exercise are important every day ( not that I always manage this in reality).
In our day life was freer, we ran around so a lot of exercise happened naturally. Lime healthy food we didn't talk about it, it just was. But if it doesn't then we need to make sure they don't miss out. It can be unorganized walks, kicking a football, cycling etc.
Once secondary starts, many kids don't run about because they are worried it looks uncool in front of the older kids (this is where just kicking / throwing a ball around can be a way to be active). So we might need to make sure they are active after school/at weekends
Perhaps by the evening he is genuinely tired of school/ being told what to do. In these post Gove days, schools seem more pressured / less free than they used to be...
We are all different, some people need more time to be than others - boredom is supposedly the source of much creativity!
Equally they don't have much life experience and part of being a parent is to provide opportunities to try new things and in some cases to stick at them. If they totally hate something it would seem counterproductive to force it but music for example needs application to get to a point where they can play. It is a great thing to learn thst determination and work lead to something
It doesn't get easier with teenagers. I have heard of teenagers totally withdrawing from life to hide from the world in their room.
I don't know about everyone else's experience but we are finding home life has been fundamentally changed by gaming. Although or perhaps because we limit gaming to the weekend, at home our ds is either mooching about moaning he is bored because he isn't allowed to game or is actively seeking out controllers etc when we are distracted. He doesn't seem to get to the point where he gives up and finds something non computer related to do. So boredom = creativity hasn't worked that well for us. He had a period of being tired or 'unwell' to get out of doing other things but we realised it was to try and get in more gaming hence the weekday ban.
Family life is different from when I was growing up. We have to get him out of the house to escape the gadget mania. Once outside it is fine.
As he dislikes team things (a shame because they are a chance to be sociable, good way to meet new people etc), we have tried to find other things that are nevertheless sociable. He took to kayaking and music. We tried them with him (he was reluctant) and he wants to do them. It was a combination of naturally clicking (kayaking) and sticking with the music school which is sociable and relaxed and he does cricket slightly reluctantly. So often it is about the coach and whether they are fun and make it interesting.
Perhaps your ds hasn't found his thing? Perhaps he is genuinely anxious but hiding it? Perhaps go with the things he shows signs of liking more rather than things he really does not like but having given them a chance? Perhaps have a chat (if you haven't already) with him about the real reasons you want him to find a couple of things to do (after all how many interests / hobbies do adults tend to have) and that"s why you encourage him to have a go. They know when you are being really honest and when you are really interested in him and responding to who he is, not who you might want him to be. If you were able to genuinely be relaxed and ensure he doesn't feel pressured/ knew he doesn't have to be great at whatever it is, perhaps he would relax too and give something / one thing a go less reluctantly..? Let us know how things go!

@carpediem1
Yes your post had really nailed it!

There wasn't as much mania around gaming when I was the same age (20 years ago), technology is seemingly way more addictive.
But he doesn't seem to have a gaming issue specifically. We also dont have ps4 on during week nights. But he is keen on watching cartoons.

He's got a bit of my personality. In that he dislikes that 'practice makes perfect'. Finds it a bit frustrating being at the beginner stage of any activity. Wants to be a winner, but doesn't want to go the practice that gets you there. I was the same, but I think the only thing that would of helped me is soft kind cuddly encouragement to perserve. (Interesting reflecting backwards!)
I'll have a quiet casual chat with him. (Again)

Just let him read a book or watch tv

@gutrotweins 😂 sounds like my DS
Good to know they get there, just in their own time.

@Laura221
That's interesting how much difference their is amongst your 3DC. Your approach sounds really good.

Honestly you've tried really hard to get him interested in anything let it go.
Yea I've given the encouragement a good go, presented lots of opportunities. Sounds like I can comfortably step back (with less 'mum guilt') and just let him be. Find his own intetests, see what happens when he enters year 7 and if he says there something he'd like to do then I'm happy to pay for it/support.

@VodkaSodaLime
Have you thought about golf?

Do you find it expensive?
Might be a good summer holiday day activity to fill a day at a driving range.
But when I've looked before, golf seemed costly.

Scouts has been suggested a few times, so I'll google what's in our area and ask him.
If ge says no, so be it (I've tried)

**GreatOne, I too have never liked being bad at things and having to persevere - a bit impatient - and your description is our ds to a T. He hates being a beginner but on the occasions he has got past initial difficulties he is completely different. He would have given up piano years ago but we sensed he was musical and tbh strung him along a bit to buy time "just get to this point"... We were accused of not listening or caring. As he got better he cheered up no end and it spurred him on. Then at the next stage when he was beginning new pieces it was back to wanting to give up again. This time we could remind him of how he felt last time, but then got better and enjoyed playing. It helped that he changed teacher. We didn't make him practice all the time but he did enough to get through exams. Now he sometimes plays for pleasure, he is doing well at it at school. Music is one of the things that gives him confidence. Substitute music for any number of things. We are glad we found a way for him to stick at something (a miracle frankly) as, at times, it would have been so much easier to give in!

I've asked if he wanted to go to tennis drop-in club this morning.....he said no. (Unsuprisingly)
I've listened and said it's fine (i need to get started on other chores/admin today anyways) and he'd already done a session during the week.
I said there's zero screen time while tennis is on (not swapping activity to stare at screen), left him to it & he's come to show me a drawing he did from his new pokemon magazine. He's asked to go to the shops, so will get him to pick up some milk and bits for lunch too.
🤷🏻‍♂️

@Carpediem1
at times, it would have been so much easier to give in!
Absolutely!
Tried to consider the responses given.
Will see if there's a happy medium :) :)

**GreatOne
Sounds good! There's so many thoughtful postings on this thread. Good luck from here!

Instead of joining a club would he prefer to do something different each week? For example trampolining, rollerskating, swimming, climbing wall?