Turning down job because of location?

[allpanicnodisco2]

Hi,

Just looking for some insight because I’m really tearing my hair out over this.

I’m about to graduate and have been offered a job. It’s a really good one, it was a very competitive application process and will offer excellent training and professional qualifications. It would cost a lot of money to go through another route to get the same qualifications. I’m also really passionate about the work, which doesn’t happen a lot with first time grad jobs!

However, they can put you anywhere in the country, and I’m really unhappy where they’ve put me. I had my heart set on being in a big city and while it’s only around half an hour/40 minutes outside of the city, I will probably have to live at home with my parents as I will not be able to afford to rent in the city and commute out. This means around at least an hour and a half commute per day, in the car as there’s no public transport (I also hate driving). Social life is not massively important but I can’t see how I’d have a social life at all if I had to do this, I don’t know anyone where my parents live (which is mostly older people) or the town I’d work in. It’s also really not a nice place which in itself is not a problem but just adds to not really looking forward about doing the job.

It seems crazy to turn down a job because I don’t like where it is, and while I’m going to graduate with a good degree and a fair amount of work experience I don’t have any other offers at the moment. I also cannot leave the job for at least a year (complicated reasons). Should I just suck it up and do it for a year, or turn it down and look for something else?

Thanks!

@MorondelaFrontera

In the first year of my graduate programme, there were six of us living in a four bedroom house.

The house was cold and drafty. The boiler was broken for weeks at a time over an incredibly cold winter. We had bailiffs at the house wanting to speak to the landlord multiple times. The bathroom and kitchen were tiny and almost constantly dirty because of the number of people sharing them. The washing machine was always in use. There wasn't enough space in the fridge/freezer for everyone. We couldn't all cook at the same time. We were all skint.

One of the couples that lived there argued frequently. The female in the couple then proceeded to have an 'affair' with someone that we all worked with, behind the back of her boyfriend who lived with us. The boyfriend would wake us up to ask us where she was. Eventually he moved out, then she wanted us to cover his rent, which we couldn't afford, then we were short of rent, then we had to have a stranger/lodger move in. During this time I broke up with my long term boyfriend and had zero support from the flatmates because all of this stupid drama was happening at the same time.

We were working 70+ hour weeks. I moved out as soon as I got my pay rise and could afford to.

Did I need to live with my parents? No. Would it have been easier? Yes.

An hours drive is an absolutely ok commute. Do some practice drives there and back with someone with you to begin with. You will soon gain confidence.

Also, don't panic about the driving. You will get used to it. I was terrified of my previous commute as I'd been living in London for a few years and learned to drive rurally before that. All of a sudden I was having to drive on motorways and dual carriageways and it was ultimately a baptism of fire. I'm an incredibly confident driver now after being a very apprehensive one, and wouldn't think twice of sticking my sat nav on and driving into London or any other city now. Do a dry run and you'll soon get used to it.

And yes I did live with people I didn’t know when I went to university, I’d happily do so again I’d justify like to get to know the local town/best places to live before I made that decision. I’d not really heard of a mon-fri rent so thats also something to look into.

90 minutes in total is hardly a commute in the car, especially if you get yourself into listening to some good podcasts.

I commute between 2-3 hours in total each day and actually find it's my down time. But then maybe that's because I've a crazy toddler at home and a demanding job 😂

I would live with strangers, I’d just like to get to know the area before, as I said

So, take the job, live with your parents and commute for a while, then decide if you want to go for a house share or if you want to stick it out commuting?

I think you are overthinking this.

Any graduate job requires you to be a bit flexible. Otherwise you are stuck only applying for things in your comfort zone - and believe me, now is the time to take risks, as later in life you will probably be much more tied to an area for many reasons. At the moment you are young and without complications. Go make the most of it.

Honestly - you need to take this job and just suck it up for a year. A year is nothing - you can reassess in 12 months time. Opportunities like this don't come round all that often - you'll regret it if you don't make the most of it.

You're a graduate - it's called paying your dues. We all have to/had take the less glamorous jobs, in the boring locations, as a stepping stone to something better.

And give living with strangers a shot. I moved to a new city in my 20s for work and moved into a huge house share with complete strangers. 15 years later, I'm married to one of them and still close friends with the rest. You never know what might happen. The world's your oyster at this stage of life. Be brave, take the job, find the house share (built in social life!), see what happens.

Throw your self into this great opportunity. House share near work, meet people at work and get some wonderful experience. Be flexible, its a lot harder when you have commitments. Good luck x

If I were you, I'd move to/near the place where you are going to work. You say you want to get to know the area a bit more, but how will you do that without living there?

I work in a town that's quite far from where I live. As a result, I go there, work, go home. I've been there 2 years, and I still barely know the town or anyone apart from my immediate colleagues. If people go for after-work drinks, I often can't come because I have to rush to get the train. I have colleagues who started after me, and who have built up a lovely new sociable life, meeting up with colleagues and others for drinks, while I barely know anyone there. I can't/won't move because of where my husband's job is located, but otherwise I would have moved ages ago.

allpanicnodisco2 can't you se that every single job offer will require you to live with people you don't know immediately, without getting to know the area first, unless it's one where you can live with your parents?

Your dilemma doesn't seem specific to this one job but to any job at all.

Or were you hoping for one very specific location where all your mates live?

If you absolutely had your heart set only on London it's not the same as wanting to be in "a" big city. I guess you should only have applied for jobs in London...

Thanks again for all your responses- it’s reassuring to know that lots of people were in similar situations upon graduating.

I’m also anxious because of the nature of the job. It’s really not your standard 9-5 and will be very, very demanding for a small salary, which is also why I’m quite reluctant. It’s definitely not just the commute which is holding me back- should’ve stated this earlier.

But the consensus is suck it up so that’s what I will do- and then reassess if necessary.

I'd live with my parents OP, save up and maybe pop into nearer places at the weekend to have an explore.

Tbh I'm a bit baffled and just don't see it as a long commute.

Then again I have commuted from the age of 14 when I went to a school an hour away. I've done shorter and longer commutes - the longest being 2 hours each way (taxi, train, train, bus). I hated that commute with a passion but only did it for a year so it was feasible (even with 2 children at home and pregnant and on crutches). The other commutes that were anything less than 2 hours a day were a breeze. I'm not downplaying your situation but honestly I'm a bit baffled.

If you're worried about driving then can you use another mode of transport? A year is nothing and it sounds like this is your pivotal career moment. You may regret walking away from it.

I’m about to graduate and have been offered a job. It’s a really good one, it was a very competitive application process and will offer excellent training and professional qualifications. It would cost a lot of money to go through another route to get the same qualifications. I’m also really passionate about the work, which doesn’t happen a lot with first time grad jobs!

If you walk away from this opportunity what is your plan B?

How likely is it that you'll find an equivalent opportunity, at entry level with a shorter daily commute?

How will you feel if you end up working in a call centre/care home/retail/restaurant out of desperation to earn some £££.

It’s not so much the length of the commute but the fact I’d have to drive which i really hate

again - you would have had to have rented from the start if you'd been somewhere where you couldn't live with your parents.

allpanicnodisco2 so don't live with your parents. Rent in the town. What exactly were you planning to do if they'd put you in a big city 300 miles away?

PutTheBassInYourWalk

I am not saying it's not easier, but it would be easier for all of us! So I think it's a pretty irrelevant point for anyone above the age of 16-17.

My life would still be easier if I was living with my parents now, and I am middle-age with kids in tow

Plan B is get another job, or gain a postgraduate qualification which I would start in September. I’ve had some interviews but none have the same opportunities for qualifications/progression

Unfortunately that is the way of graduate traineeships, you are cheap labour, but hopefully the experience you get will be invaluable. It's one of those situations where you have to look beyond the length of your nose, what are your long term plans? Does this get you to a well paid job in the city eventually? What other options do you have?

I would definitely take the job and then do some thinking about your living situation in time.

I commute 6 hours a day (yes, that’s 3 hours here, 3 hours home) 3 days a week. The other days I work from home. 45 minutes is nothing. I nearly have to drive that far just to do my food shopping twice a week. I manage that with two young children. But I have a job I love. It’s absolutely been worth it.

Take the job. Start researching areas nearby you may want to live. If you don’t want to live with strangers, you very likely can find a small flat that won’t be too much. Or you may meet people you’d want to live with. You don’t have to decide everything right away.

Yes I do know I’d have to rent in the city, but would know people/know the city. It’s a very deprived area with high crime rates which is why I’m reluctant to move straight there

What scenario would you have been happy with?

It's baffling what you were actually hoping for, given you don't want to rent with strangers, won't answer questions about renting a studio alone, and don't want to live with your parents...

There must be a single very specific location you were hoping for, not just any big vibrant city. Is that the case?

OP, you need to stop looking for excuses.

You don't like to drive, fair enough, many people don't. Then the choice is to live with strangers.

Being in your dream "big city" might have mean public transport, but you would have had to pay for them and pay for accommodation anyway.

I am not sure what exactly you want and were hoping for? A big city with free accommodation?