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AIBU?

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Original poster

Turning down job because of location?

193 replies

allpanicnodisco2 · 13/06/2019 12:43

Hi,

Just looking for some insight because I’m really tearing my hair out over this.

I’m about to graduate and have been offered a job. It’s a really good one, it was a very competitive application process and will offer excellent training and professional qualifications. It would cost a lot of money to go through another route to get the same qualifications. I’m also really passionate about the work, which doesn’t happen a lot with first time grad jobs!

However, they can put you anywhere in the country, and I’m really unhappy where they’ve put me. I had my heart set on being in a big city and while it’s only around half an hour/40 minutes outside of the city, I will probably have to live at home with my parents as I will not be able to afford to rent in the city and commute out. This means around at least an hour and a half commute per day, in the car as there’s no public transport (I also hate driving). Social life is not massively important but I can’t see how I’d have a social life at all if I had to do this, I don’t know anyone where my parents live (which is mostly older people) or the town I’d work in. It’s also really not a nice place which in itself is not a problem but just adds to not really looking forward about doing the job.

It seems crazy to turn down a job because I don’t like where it is, and while I’m going to graduate with a good degree and a fair amount of work experience I don’t have any other offers at the moment. I also cannot leave the job for at least a year (complicated reasons). Should I just suck it up and do it for a year, or turn it down and look for something else?

Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
allpanicnodisco2 · 13/06/2019 13:05

Thanks for all your messages, I really appreciate it- I could do with a bit of perspective!

I love my parents and I’m very lucky that they’d take me back but I’d definitely rather move out and be independent!

Living nearer isn’t something I’ve really considered because I don’t know anyone that lives anywhere near and I’m a bit reluctant to live with strangers at this point, but definitely something to consider when I know the area/ some people

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 13/06/2019 13:06

I had my heart set on being in a big city and while it’s only around half an hour/40 minutes outside of the city, I will probably have to live at home with my parents as I will not be able to afford to rent in the city and commute out. This means around at least an hour and a half commute per day, in the car as there’s no public transport (I also hate driving). Social life is not massively important but I can’t see how I’d have a social life at all if I had to do this, I don’t know anyone where my parents live (which is mostly older people) or the town I’d work in.

It's only a year, for experience you say yourself you can't get anywhere else.

Suck it up, save hard, plan nice weekends away.

It seems like you'll have a commute regardless of whether you live at home or in the city.

If the social life/location stuff is more important than anything else, then pay the cost of living in the city and accept that's the choice you've made.

But the most sensible option would be to rent where you work, and head into the city when you like, and back to your parents for TLC sometimes too!

MorondelaFrontera · 13/06/2019 13:07

PutTheBassInYourWalk

I don't normally use the word, but really snowflakes come to mind!

I mean, yes, my life would probably be easier if my mum and dad were cooking my food and cleaning my house, but come on...

I am more than happy to keep a room for my own kids as long as they need it, but once they are old enough for uni, they can clean their own bedroom and bathroom for a start!

NoSquirrels · 13/06/2019 13:07

I’m a bit reluctant to live with strangers at this point

How else were you going to move out and be independent, if not living in a house share or similar?

The best way to get to know people is to throw yourself into new things...

MrHaroldFry · 13/06/2019 13:08

My advice would be to take the posting. Once you get there then ask around about rooms to rent or flat shares nearby. Honestly, the universe is offering you an opportunity and once you open your mind to the new possibilities things will start to fall into place.

I was in a similar position when starting out. Jobs in things like multinational consulting firms were (and still are not that easy to get) and you can be posted to the strangest of places. But the work experience and the contacts you make are priceless.

Honestly, I would take it and see how I feel after one full season of doing the commute if a flat doesn't become available to you.

janetforpresident · 13/06/2019 13:09

Didn't you live with strangers at uni?

IvanaPee · 13/06/2019 13:09

I think you should take the job. Seriously. Get your head down and suck it up. It’s too good an opportunity to turn down.

thecatsthecats · 13/06/2019 13:09

Rule no.1 for me is make the most frequent journey the shortest one. So live near the place you will go to every day, and save the longer trips for less frequent events.

Rule no.2 is to weigh up the costs of taxis for infrequent journeys. I'd far rather drive to social occasions and not drink and suck up the odd £50 taxi than miss a vital career opportunity. In fact DH and I made that exact decision moving 40m away from friends but closer to my work and his transport network.

Our homelife is a lot more 'together' now so we're happy to accept the cost of paying to see friends.

BrightYellowPostItNotes · 13/06/2019 13:09

You seem a bit entitled - you’re moaning about a “30-45 minute” commute? You don’t want to live with strangers? Confused

RB68 · 13/06/2019 13:10

I don't think you can expect everything to be perfect there will always be a compromise. if its a 45 min each way commute it is more than doable - 90 less so but at your age still doable and will get you over some of your hate for driving that is often a lack of experience thing. Renting a room is normal for a grad - and I am sure there will be local ones to your workplace - you could perhaps do a mon to thur rental which might be easier on the purse than 7 days and more likely to be in an owned home which is generally nicer. Take your opportunity - plenty of time for the big city once all qualified etc and a bit more money in your pocket

mummyrocks1 · 13/06/2019 13:13

I did this for my first job, it was in a small town and I lived in a bigger town about 45 minutes away. It was a bit lonely as I didn't know anyone and both towns were pretty grim with not a lot going on. I lived in a house share so made friends with them- is that something you could do? It wasn't a great year but I am glad I did it as it led to my next job and the next one after that which was a brilliant job. You have to start somewhere

Original poster
allpanicnodisco2 · 13/06/2019 13:13

I’m definitely not a snowflake and my parents will not be doing my laundry

Yes, the job is very demanding so social life will be pretty non existent anyway

OP posts:
AnthonyCrowley · 13/06/2019 13:13

Take the job because the training, etc sounds amazing and as a new graduate you need experience with training thrown in.

Look at it as short term. 1-2 years maybe. Personally I'd jump into a house share rather than commute. You must have shared with strangers at uni even if only in the first year?

RosaWaiting · 13/06/2019 13:15

Oh I thought it was 90 mins each way!!

Jeez, if it's 45 mins each way, then take it.

Original poster
allpanicnodisco2 · 13/06/2019 13:16

I’m not entitled I’m asking for opinions. It’s a huge decision and there are a lot of pros and cons.

What I mean is that I’d be happy to live with people once I got to know the area a bit more- but at the moment while I don’t know if at all I’d rather hold off for a few months before I get to know it a bit more

OP posts:
MorondelaFrontera · 13/06/2019 13:18

Oh I thought it was 90 mins each way!!

me too!
if it's 45 mn, the OP is absolutely ridiculous, sorry!

If you don't take that job OP, exactly what do you intend on doing?

Original poster
allpanicnodisco2 · 13/06/2019 13:18

90 mins in total, will be best case scenario, in reality will probably an hour each way.

I know it’s not a lot but it’s more the driving that I’m worried about. I had an pretty major accident a few years ago so driving makes me very anxious.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 13/06/2019 13:20

It’s a huge decision and there are a lot of pros and cons

What are the cons, as you see them, apart from the social life/unknown area/commute?

The pros seem to outweigh all of those issues considerably.

Are you generally a little anxious? I only ask because if you moved away to university, say, then you have done a move to a new place you don't know yet, so it's not really any different.

BentleyBelly · 13/06/2019 13:21

I had a lodger who was only around Mon-Fri when I bought my own house years ago. Had a very informal contract in place and she gave me a couple of weeks notice when she left. A similar set up might suit you to get to know the place? You will be surprised how quickly a year goes by.

RosaWaiting · 13/06/2019 13:21

oh an hour, still pretty good commute wise

I won't comment on the driving as obviously that is a deeply personal thing and I don't encourage anyone to get on the road if they aren't comfortable with it

I would say live with your olds, save as much as you can, just do it for a while.

CassianAndor · 13/06/2019 13:22

I don't understand - if you'd moved to any part of the country where you parents are not, you would have had to have gone into a house share? So why not here? Best way to get to know people and the place!

avalanching · 13/06/2019 13:22

My first question would be how long is it for? But tbh, however long, I would still say go for it. It sounds a fantastic opportunity, plenty of time for city living ahead of you.

anothernotherone · 13/06/2019 13:22

Will the salary combined with location mean you can't afford to rent a small one bed or studio near work? The advantage of a town location should mean that unlike in a major city you can rent something modest by yourself.

You don't want to rent with people you don't know, but surely you wouldn't have known people in most major cities either?

I would not move back in with parents but don't understand why you are even considering doing so, unless your salary won't cover rent. If your salary won't cover rent then this location is the only one that you can accept and you'd have been stuffed if they'd sent you to Edinburgh/ Leeds/ Cardiff/ Newcastle / London / insert big city where you don't know anyone who happens to be looking for a lodger or housemate!

NoSquirrels · 13/06/2019 13:22

So your choice is really whether you want to live with 'strangers' less than you want to drive every day?

Original poster
allpanicnodisco2 · 13/06/2019 13:24

I would live with strangers, I’d just like to get to know the area before, as I said

OP posts:
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