Am I stuck up, or is colleague rude?

[Iltavilli]

I changed career last year, and am on a training programme for a challenging new role, which I take quite seriously.

The new job is in a highly regulated environment - which I’m used to - and o approach it as such. A colleague, also on the development programme, is far more informal. He’s happy to chat all day about tv, primarily programme I simply don’t watch (talent shows, love island, etc), given I’m more of a going to gigs and sports person, so we have little in common.

There was a meeting last week where I used a word he seemed not to understand. It’s wasn’t a complex word, but the most suited to the context. As he asked what it meant I explained. They then mocked me for using it. He’s a jokey person but this was mockery in front of others and felt mean.

I should note, he’s well educated (degree etc), but it isn’t the first time. He’s told me to “stop being so middle class” before - I’m not, parents grew up on council estates, dad a factory labourer till he retired.

So who is BU?

I was once asked what 'et al' meant. I thought most people knew, but I had come from a legal background. Felt a bit stupid for using it to be honest, since nobody knew what it meant.

I think he is being unreasonable. I wonder if he would say that to an older colleague?

I last watched TV in about 1993, so I'd struggle to converse about it at work. However, I'm all in favour of a good vocabulary. 14 yo DD was having a huge rant at me yesterday because I'm, like, really mean to her. "The real problem with you is that your meanness is all subliminal," was her particular gripe. I had to end our argument to congratulate her on her English at that point..

Anyway. OP, your colleague sounds like a royal PITA.

Yeah he sounds a twat I work with someone like that . We all enjoy different things some people can't deal with that . I used to work with someone who would walk in and talk about tv show or a film In great detail even if you weren't interested just being polite . If I answered the phone he'd carry on when I finished. I don't know what's up with some people you chat about tv yeah but tbh you don't have to have things in common to get along with colleagues we are all different.
I'd just tell him to stop being such a twat and get over himself.

For those asking, I am a little older. Only about 5 years (both in 30s).

And those who work in data have mentioned that “key” is very common language. As noted, it is not a complex term.

The word was “key” in the context of explaining some data and how we’d analysed it. The idea was to create a key on the different categorisations.

If it's any help, I work in one of the old-school "professions", I use Excel from time to time, and I would ask you to explain the word too.

(And I don't even possess a TV )

So how did you explain it to him?

As in, 'the guide to the key is colour coded at the bottom of the data' or something?

Was he rude though? Or gently mocking the OP for being pretentious/stuck up?

The only people who think “gentle mockery” of this sort is acceptable and not rude are people who have a chip on their shoulder because they feel stupid/poorly educated. They want to drag you down because they feel inferior. Ignore them, they’re only making themselves look ridiculous.

Yanbu
Hard to see how some posters are ignoring the fact that he publicly mocked you, in favour of criticising you for not watching the correct sort of TV...

I have been called stuck up all my life because of my accent, my vocabulary and where I went to school. I think it’s 30 years since I gave a hoot except it’s a good way to identify those who are insecure or have a chip on their shoulder.

Just ignore it OP. His problem, not yours.

Well the key here is to use language your colleagues understand.

I'm not sure why 'they' (you used they rather than he) took the piss out of you, but maybe just chill out a bit?

I had colleagues that were absolutely into every reality tv show ever made. I don't watch 'em, I hate 'em. They weren't much into murder mysteries and documentaries. We both showed the exact same level of interest in each other's 'shows'. I was the one that got called stuck up and snobby behind my back, though, lol.

OP doesn't sound stuck up and snobby to me - she sounds like she is at ease with the terms and usages of the terms that pertain to her career.

(When it comes to why people are becoming increasingly limited in their vocabulary - my theory (and that of all the teachers I've talked to), is how very little people read these days - well, for quite a few days now. . .)

He was rude and I suspect also sexist.
Basically having someone who actually knows their shit makes him insecure and he is trying to make himself better by putting you down through ‘jokes’
And he gets the support of the other ‘Male’ colleagues.

I’m lost at the idea that being MC is an insult tbh. It doesn’t matter what social class you are. You used the right word in the right context, one that is TECHNICALLY correct. There is nothing to do with class. And many people are MC and I wouldnt be surprised it includes him anyway....

You do come across as being a bit ‘above’ them, is this why they’re mocking you? To tone you down a bit?

So you're both training. One likes tv, the other doesn't. You can't get on. He asked what a key was in the context used. You explained (presumably in a non-patronising way ) and they laughed at you.
It really depends on how you delivered your explanation.

You sound perfectly normal to me, not like you're patronising towards him, just a completely different type of person to him and hard working. He sounds as though you intimidate him (not because of anything you've done) and he's attacking you (in what he thinks are funny ways) to make himself feel better. Would it help if you took him aside and pointed out that while he may think he's joking, his little digs about your choice of term or you being middle class are neither amusing or acceptable? If he still can't accept that and behave a little more professionally then could you mention it to a manager?

Hard to see how some posters are ignoring the fact that he publicly mocked you, in favour of criticisingyoufor not watching the correct sort of TV...

Hardly. I've said he shouldn't have mocked her or been unpleasant.

But pointing out that someone might come across as aloof/patronising in their approach to others is not criticising the OP for not watching the same TV.

I've worked with someone who was nice enough but they did rub colleagues up the wrong way and people would make silly jokey comments like ' Oh alright you're slumming it with us then'. Sometimes humour in the workplace is a way people deflect from other people's irritating habits. Undoubtedly, aloof colleague would have been one of the first to feel hard done to because her lesser colleagues had made a jibe or made a joke comment because it would confirm that she's just so different to everyone else (we'd hear these tales from other contexts where she'd be appalled by something and a good 85% of the time you can see how she'd have rubbed others up the wrong way).

He's rude and he's negging you.

He is not an internet forum worrying about it. He is busy getting on with getting on (and ahead of you).

He's confident enough to ask questions in public when he doesn't understand things - only confident people do that. He's confident enough about his work to spend quiet moments chatting about soaps, without thinking for a second that bosses will think he's not trying hard enough. He expects they'll think he's a good team player - and, if he can get people laughing and on his side, that he has great leadership potential too. He's trying to make friends and influence people.

I suspect he's partly mocking you for 'taking things too seriously' and partly highlighting your 'fastidious, over-achieving' ways, to make it clear to others that you have to try so hard to get your work right that you've no energy left for making friends and conversation.

I'm not saying his portrayal of you is correct. I am suggesting it is a portrayal, to others, for his own promotional benefit.

I'm really not sure what relevance his TV taste has to this whole thing though.

he's a wanker

sounds like the type who enjoys making people feel uncomfortable.

saying "stop being so middle class" - he's asking for a row, literally. He would enjoy a row. You need to learn to ignore him.

Tbh, without knowing the context, I would also ask whether it’s a word that this man was actually supposed to know...
It’s one thing to not know a word because it’s too complex or whatever. Another to not know a technical word for the job you are training for (and really you ought to know)

x post with lottie

agree, he is negging you. I think there's a type of man who thinks this behaviour will help them look more powerful at work.

OP you're absolutely normal. The word 'key' in the given context is absolutely normal. Your colleague is clearly not very clued up and he knows it.

Also Love Island is nasty stupid trash. Watching it makes one's brain cells die off. It's a scientific fact and everything.

I’ve got to ask you; if you didn’t use the word “key” in the context you did, is there a more common/alternative word?

saying "stop being so middle class" - he's asking for a row, literally

Very true! Imagine the outrage from telling your colleagues to stop being so working class