Am I stuck up, or is colleague rude?

[Iltavilli]

I changed career last year, and am on a training programme for a challenging new role, which I take quite seriously.

The new job is in a highly regulated environment - which I’m used to - and o approach it as such. A colleague, also on the development programme, is far more informal. He’s happy to chat all day about tv, primarily programme I simply don’t watch (talent shows, love island, etc), given I’m more of a going to gigs and sports person, so we have little in common.

There was a meeting last week where I used a word he seemed not to understand. It’s wasn’t a complex word, but the most suited to the context. As he asked what it meant I explained. They then mocked me for using it. He’s a jokey person but this was mockery in front of others and felt mean.

I should note, he’s well educated (degree etc), but it isn’t the first time. He’s told me to “stop being so middle class” before - I’m not, parents grew up on council estates, dad a factory labourer till he retired.

So who is BU?

Maybe you could swat up in TOWIE type jargon so you could come back to him in a sarcastic way, when he makes a jibe about being middle class.
I'd suggest something along the lines of 'Is you Well Jell of my vocabulary or summit blud'?
Translation-are you jealous of my vocabulary or something mate.

I honestly don't get why someone who doesn't watch X programme when asked what they think of Y thing that happened in it has to say "Oh I don't watch that, but what do you think of Y happening and where do you think it will go from there?" etc.

I don't watch Love Island, I'd have no idea who is on it and what stuff they get up to and blah. I also don't want to know because there really is no point. I don't judge people who watch it, it's not my thing, but I'm not going to feign interest in it because surely there are other things to talk about! I don't tend to watch talent shows either, although I have been known to and I do love SCD. I watch a lot of fancy Dan intellectual stuff and I love a good documentary, but I rarely go on about it and I also watch, dum dum dum, Hollyoaks and don't expect anyone but myself to give a flying fuck about that.

It is pointless to try and have a conversation about something you have no interest in just to try to "get on". There are other things to talk about than television and if you're the only one trying to do your best to find something in common then there's no point at all.

This colleague is rude and clearly feels threatened by the OP. Whether she is stuck up or not - I think not - is neither here nor there. He is a shitty little dickhole.

Why does it have to be inverse snobbery? I don't watch many popular TV shows but the idea of sitting and not offering anything of conversation in terms of question or recognition and sitting in silence would seem awkward to me. Taking a little interest in their opinions and waiting for the inevitable topic change is fairly basic and polite to me.

Some people don't rub along with with others who don't share interests as them.

OP and this guy sound like chalk and cheese.

You come across as snobby and patronising on here, so does that answer your question?

I think he sounds thick as shit and perhaps isn't suited to the environment. His defence is to attack in an entirely irrelcant way! Ignore and move on.

Irrelevant even lol

PMSL at the OP!

Xmas2020
You come across as snobby and patronising on here, so does that answer your question?

eh?!

1/ It’s ok to like any tv show you like and chat about them if you want.
2/ It’s ok to have other interests and chat about them if you want.
3/ It’s not ok to belittle colleagues in a work setting.
4/ It’s not ok, when feeling insecure, to deflect negative feelings onto colleagues.
He sounds a bit annoying. I can’t think of another way (without using a lot more words) that would explain ‘key’ and suspect he wouldn’t have made his comments if you were male. I wonder if he has designated your role as ‘serious/uptight’ and his as the ‘relaxed/ fun’? All this says more about him than you (if I was in a meeting I would genuinely think wtf if someone asked his question). I’m from a similar background to you and I also like using the best fitting word in the right context for clarity. If others find that threatening or patronising then the question is probably ‘I wonder why that is?’ rather than ‘aibu’ because sometimes it’ll be down to the other person and sometimes it’s us.

I don’t comment on their tv chat as it isn’t stuff I am able to chat about. In the same way I don’t expect them to give a damn about my love of metal bands

from your example I’m the only one making an effort. Asking about his programme, telling him about my music

These two statements are totally contradictory. In the first you don't comment or join in, in the second you're asking all about his program. Only one of these statements are true.

Look you don't like him. Leave it there. Try to be pleasant if he asks a question, as you will likely be judged on your ability to interact with others.

ahh yes I see how this was, if he questioned it, a bit of a put-down. [hmm}

I still don't know what a 'key' is in the context you've given, so he was NBU to ask what you meant. It sounds a bit 'IT geek' to me.

Is it like a legend or something?

He sounds like an extrovert. I'm quite introverted and I do find that extroverts tend to expect other people to be able to talk about what they (the extroverts) are interested in. I've been called stuck up at times simply because I'm quiet and like you not interested in reality tv (went through a phase of watching it, got bored and stopped), sport, and soaps (if you watch them you have to watch them all the time and I cba). I like meaty novels, art, hiking, detective series and teen flicks. Some of my tastes surprise people who don't know me well.

As for not knowing what a key is on a document, he ought to, it's something you learn at primary school ffs! If you feel able to, I would call him out on his behaviour.

Some fairly split responses so maybe neither of you are BU but just different personalities.

Given how unnecessary it was to stress your re-training in such a highly regulated challenging role which you take very seriously, I suspect you do come across as a bit "up yourself".

It comes across that you seem to think your colleague's ability to chat means he doesn't take the role as seriously as you do and is therefore "lesser" than you.

By all means pull him up on what you see as unacceptable behaviour, but be very prepared to be pulled up on what others may consider unacceptable about you and to hear some home truths.

Yanbu he's an ignorant twat. Why would anyone want to discuss a programme they have zero interest in? I absolutely detest all reality tv and when asked I just say exactly that. My colleagues and I find other things to chat about.

He sounds annoying, arrogant and young
Dripping with the confidence of the mediocre man in the face of a professional and well-spoken woman. Would I be right in guessing you're probably a little older than him? When I was temping I used to see this behaviour in office environments all the time.
(I once said a project would be released under XX Manager's aegis and got into bother for that)
You don't watch his -trash- telly, your vocabulary is better and you prefer to remain on a professional footing. This makes him insecure so he mocks your vocabulary and habits.
You're unlikely to be friends. Shake it off, and remind yourself it's about his inadequacies, not yours.

Nothing wrong with liking reality tv but its really annoying when you don’t watch something but someone keeps trying to talk to you about it.
My mum does this ‘did you watch big brother?’ ‘No mum I don’t watch it’ ‘but what do you think about x being evicted’ ‘sorry mum I don’t know, I don’t watch it’ ‘but wasn’t so and so two faced’ ‘sorry don’t know. I don’t watch it’ etc.etc.

No she doesn't Xmas2020 you however come across as a twat

You sound a little uptight whereas he sounds more relaxed. And never the twain shall meet. If you're confident in your role, you're more likely to be a little relaxed, if you're out of your depth, you're more likely to be super serious. I get it.

Still haven't a clue what key is.

YANBU but, more to the point, mocking a colleague in front of others at work is bullying and you need to talk to HR.

Those on here commenting on the OP's perceived attitude to TV/what it's OK to watch etc: not the point. And inverse snobbery.

He sounds annoying, arrogant and young
@stroppy to me that’s exactly how op sounds

He's a twat. He's intimidated by your fabulousness. Death to all but metal. 🤘

@Bluntness100 it was in no way contradictory, I clearly stated “from your example”.

Jonette key is another word for legend.
I think that it is probably the more commonly phrase used than legend in the UK.
I know I was taught key at school and only learned it was also called a legend later on