Am I stuck up, or is colleague rude?

[Iltavilli]

I changed career last year, and am on a training programme for a challenging new role, which I take quite seriously.

The new job is in a highly regulated environment - which I’m used to - and o approach it as such. A colleague, also on the development programme, is far more informal. He’s happy to chat all day about tv, primarily programme I simply don’t watch (talent shows, love island, etc), given I’m more of a going to gigs and sports person, so we have little in common.

There was a meeting last week where I used a word he seemed not to understand. It’s wasn’t a complex word, but the most suited to the context. As he asked what it meant I explained. They then mocked me for using it. He’s a jokey person but this was mockery in front of others and felt mean.

I should note, he’s well educated (degree etc), but it isn’t the first time. He’s told me to “stop being so middle class” before - I’m not, parents grew up on council estates, dad a factory labourer till he retired.

So who is BU?

What was the word?

You do sound a bit snobby, I have to say. Nothing wrong with watching talent shows.

It reads to me like you look down on him op. Maybe he senses this and hence the way he reacts to you. Possibly you come across a a bit too try hard/jobsworth/uptight and he's trying to get you to lighten up.

Alternatively you simply dislike each other. And this is how you both display it.

There is nothing wrong with watching these programs, or having a wide variety of interests, but more importantly being able to converse with different people with different interests.

You just sound like chalk and cheese. You’ve described yourself as serious and explained in a roundabout way that he likes to talk about trash tv and joke around in an equally dismissive tone, which he’s likely picking up on.
He shouldn’t make fun of you, but I do think you sound like you need to lighten up a bit and learn how to manage him with a few lines of your own.

I feel your pain, OP. I once had a co worker start shouting at me for using a terminology in work that they said I only used because I thought THEY wouldn’t understand it, but they knew exactly what it meant. I’m still trying to work that one out.

You come across to me as if you look down on him.
Too “informal” because he talks about reality TV? Really?

If that’s how it seems to me, I’m sure he’s picked up on it too.

I think this is a situation where you have to be there.

I agree it’s surprising he didn’t know the word ‘key’ in that context.

He really shouldn’t be mocking you. Sounds like a bit of a twat tbh.

Just to note, I watch plenty of TV, it just isn’t my primary interest. I don’t comment on their tv chat as it isn’t stuff I am able to chat about. In the same way I don’t expect them to give a damn about my love of metal bands.

If I’m judging for not watching Love Island; aren’t they the same for not listening to Rise Against?

I think the OP merely mentioned his TV watching habbits to explain that he talks about stuff that most people don’t watch as opposed to GoT of Handmaiden’s etc.

Millions of people watch Talent shows and Love Island...

What was the word?

Mocking another colleague is always unacceptable. Call him out on a 1:1 basis about it.

She said it, it's not exactly a difficult word to understand

My son's GF , sitting around the dinner table, pulled me up for using the word 'expound' , saying it wasn't a real word and she'd never heard of it before, saying this with a mocking laugh and looking round for support at others round the table.

I kept cool and told her to check the dictionary.

Also told her we didn't celebrate ignorance.

Using key in the context of data without explaining what you mean is jargon. Remember you need to be charming to do well in a development programme - it won’t be mentioned in your development plan, but if you can’t match your communication style to the people you talk to you won’t be respected no matter how well educated you are.

He’s not in MN criticising your music choices.

Also told her we didn't celebrate ignorance.

OUCH!

I’m looking forward to the dip/mil threads that are going to come out of this relationship.

don’t comment on their tv chat as it isn’t stuff I am able to chat about. In the same way I don’t expect them to give a damn about my love of metal bands

Do you struggle with social interaction in other areas? This is quite a stand out statement, normally people are able to ask questions and converse even if it's not something they personally would watch.

Example

Did you see love island, what about sherif being kicked out.
Oh I don't watch that, what's happened
Why do you think he was kicked out.

What kind of music do you like
I love metal
Have you heard of x? I'm going at the weekend, let me what's app you a you tube video.

You don't have to do the same things to converse with someone. The fact you feel unable to join in and assume they don't care about your interests indicates a struggle with normal social interaction. Which could tie to your taking youtself so seriously, unable to take jokes etc.

It's not you. I feel your pain with the crap TV talk. I just say "I don't watch any reality shows." I can't even pretend to be interested. Amazingly I do get on with my work colleagues! He sounds a prat.

Yes key on that context is very standard language.
You like different things he should just accept it instead of trying to force the issue.

the whole tv thing is irrelevant to the issue but relevant to how the op is, and so yes from that little input, i'd say you are stuck up!

If he didn't understand the word 'key' then is it possible he is afraid that you will believe that he is incompetent? And therefore mocked you as a way of covering that up?

I would imagine that your colleagues will see through him. At the very least they will see that he behaved unprofessionally.

Also I note you say "them" and not him. So it's wider than one person you're struggling with?

Dip = Dil, excuse my ignorance.

Crikey he’s insecure!

different approach, fine. He likes the banter about basic tv, also fine. Mocking you for being smarter- not so fine.

I do like the comment from a pp- “we do not celebrate ignorance”.

Perhaps just have a couple of come backs-

Well, every day’s a school day!
There you go, I’ve just increased your vocabulary for you
Yes, I have infact swallowed a dictionary
Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out- they key to new words is to use it 3 times in context over the day.

There is nothing wrong with watching these programs,

There's also nothing wrong with not watching them.

Funny how it's 'snobby' or 'patronising' not to watch a particular tv programme, but on MN it's ok to look down on anyone who likes football - as demonstrated in several recent threads.

He has a degree and needed 'key explaining???