Am I stuck up, or is colleague rude?

[Iltavilli]

I changed career last year, and am on a training programme for a challenging new role, which I take quite seriously.

The new job is in a highly regulated environment - which I’m used to - and o approach it as such. A colleague, also on the development programme, is far more informal. He’s happy to chat all day about tv, primarily programme I simply don’t watch (talent shows, love island, etc), given I’m more of a going to gigs and sports person, so we have little in common.

There was a meeting last week where I used a word he seemed not to understand. It’s wasn’t a complex word, but the most suited to the context. As he asked what it meant I explained. They then mocked me for using it. He’s a jokey person but this was mockery in front of others and felt mean.

I should note, he’s well educated (degree etc), but it isn’t the first time. He’s told me to “stop being so middle class” before - I’m not, parents grew up on council estates, dad a factory labourer till he retired.

So who is BU?

@Bluntness100 from your example I’m the only one making an effort. Asking about his programme, telling him about my music.

Where’s his responsibility?

I think this is a really annoying recent (ie in the last 10 yrs) development - ie. people you might expect to be reasonable well educated and articulate actually have almost no vocabulary. I think poor teaching by teachers with a similarly restricted vocab. and dumbing down of childrens' reading matter has something to do with it.
Cue embarrassment and consequent jeering at those with a normal, educated vocabulary. I could say the same about good diction (I am not talking about regional accents here), with anyone who does not speak sloppily derided as 'posh'.

don’t comment on their tv chat as it isn’t stuff I am able to chat about.

But yes... yes you are! For example I don’t watch either but was at a party on Saturday nd was asked “did you see he final of BGT” My answer was “no - I didn’t watch it, who won and what did they do?” I didn’t have t ignore or mention that I never watch it. It then moved onto a conversation about magicians etc.

Colleague was extremely rude and childish, what a dick - and one with a chip on his shoulder I think. Try not to let it bother you, it's not your problem, he obviously has some issues.

Sorry about the typos!

New mum, you can google or look in dictionary

@Nanny0gg - key in terms of data or a databae means something really specific. It often refers to a field. OP was using jargon.

He shouldn't have mocked you. That's not on.

However, the impression given in your posts is that you view their interests and TV etc as something you couldn't possibly converse over. It does hint at a patronising manner, which may have come across when explaining things (hence the remark back).

I don't watch much TV but I chat at work about it with people, just like there is gym chat or kid chat or pet chat. Not every topic is to my personal interests but being able to rub along on with people is part of the workplace.

I worked with a colleague once who was nice enough but rubbed many people up the wrong way because it was so clear to everyone that she viewed herself as better than some others. I didn't take offence at her mannerisms and accepted it as a quirk but other colleagues found her quite tiresome.

He’s told me to “stop being so middle class” before - I’m not, parents grew up on council estates, dad a factory labourer till he retired.

Could he mean stop being so 'try-hard middle class'?

“Key” in the context of data analysis isn’t really jargon if you work in the field, as they both do.
Mocking people isn’t that charming either

I think you could've posted this question without referring to the fact you like different things however, you've both made judgements about each other. I personally, I'd just move on and not dwell on it.you don't have to be chatty with him, just professional. For the record, I have an English degree yet I don't know what every word means or remember every grammatical rule, as much as my dad seems to think I should.

It sounds as if things might be a bit competitive between you, but it’s annoying when people act as if you’ve used over complicated words, so can see why you’d be frustrated. I reckon just ignore him, rise above it, try not to draw comparisons between yourself and him, and carry on doing your job well.

I'd want intellectual danger money to work with someone whose idea of collegial chitchat was Love Island.

@teddybear45 What else could you call a key field for a database? It's technical, but also taught to 11year olds in IT! 'The bit of info what is always different for every record'? In which case 'record' also has a technical meaning...

I would have explained it and followed up with something like 'don't worry, everyone finds they have odd gaps in their knowledge - can you believe I was however old before I found out' - insert item off MN thread on the subject. If he's trying to be an arse, deflecting is good.

Pretty sure you don’t need a degree to know what a “key” is. In fact year 7 know what this is . Mind boggles!

Did you see love island, what about sherif being kicked out.
Oh I don't watch that, what's happened
Why do you think he was kicked out.

Is it normal to expect this? I don't ask what happened because I don't care to be frank, just like they don't care about the latest contestant to renter the MasterChef Australia kitchen. I leave people with the same tastes to catch up together and am happy to be left out of it.

Having a degree doesn’t make a person ‘educated’ in the broader sense (and sometimes not in the academic sense either).

Avoid Prolier than though, performative working class types at all cost.

if I didn't understand a term or word used in context in a work discussion I have the confidence to ask (or look it up later!) what I would not do is mock the person & try to humiliate them - especially in front of a group at work - that is bullying. If someone talks about programs on tv as small talk - a quick smile & sorry not my thing/I don't watch that but I am interested in x music x program - could we talk later? I am just trying to finish this & than I can ….blah blah. However, there some people who feel they are in competition with others & will sneer or want to take others down &will reject you what ever you do - I don't think using accurate terms for formal work based discussion is wrong - a raised eyebrow saying - really? - is the best defence.

This is what OP said

He’s happy to chat all day about tv, primarily programme I simply don’t watch (talent shows, love island, etc), given I’m more of a going to gigs and sports person, so we have little in common.

I can't see the snobbery thre. It's not like she's saying "I only watch documentaries". She likes gigs and sport ffs. And she said nothing about reality TV other than she doesn't watch it.

There's a lot of inverted snobbery going on in this thread.

Some folk don't seem to move on much from how they were at school when they'd have a go at other kids for being "swotty". Your colleague sounds like one of those to me. He's probably insecure which unfortunately is leading him to behave like a giant twat.

I'm a pro art teacher and we teach the work key in relation to maps and data handling. I think he's on the wind up.

*primary!

A key in encryption and a key in a database and a key in banking can mean different things. Even when the same IT person says them. Jargon.

Sorry but hey is used all the time in refering to the index or identity of a row or tuple (real word Google it) of a data set. For instance a compound key is an identity made up of several fields to create a unique index for a row of data particularly if the data in question is a logical view comprised of several physical tables in storage.

You also have primary keys, it's a really really common term when working with data, if the dude was in a room with me or any other software engineers or dba's and behaved like that he would get shirt shrift from us.