Am I stuck up, or is colleague rude?

[Iltavilli]

I changed career last year, and am on a training programme for a challenging new role, which I take quite seriously.

The new job is in a highly regulated environment - which I’m used to - and o approach it as such. A colleague, also on the development programme, is far more informal. He’s happy to chat all day about tv, primarily programme I simply don’t watch (talent shows, love island, etc), given I’m more of a going to gigs and sports person, so we have little in common.

There was a meeting last week where I used a word he seemed not to understand. It’s wasn’t a complex word, but the most suited to the context. As he asked what it meant I explained. They then mocked me for using it. He’s a jokey person but this was mockery in front of others and felt mean.

I should note, he’s well educated (degree etc), but it isn’t the first time. He’s told me to “stop being so middle class” before - I’m not, parents grew up on council estates, dad a factory labourer till he retired.

So who is BU?

If it isn’t a scientific fact Marionette it should be.

I had one occasion where a go-getter colleague who sat at the next desk to me comes out of a meeting and announces 'I love the way Jonette asks such basic questions'. One of the Directors interjected with 'yes, I love that Jonette asks such intelligent questions - she gets down to the nitty gritty'.

That such him up! I secretly did a victory dance. This guy would always ask questions that had already been answered if he had listened, in an attempt to appear intelligent.

You don't sound snobby OP. You sound like a reasonable person who knows what she's talking about and has a good taste. He, however, sounds like someone people describe as 'boys will be boys'

I’m afraid that if I say ‘oh I don’t watch that’ etc etc my little voice inside is totally judging. I hate soaps, most crime dramas, sitcoms and over-rehearsed and manipulative ‘talent’ shows.

However, I’m sucked into RuPaul’s drag race and 90 day fiancé. I like my car crash tv to be honest in its vileness.

You can talk to people about what interests them, OP. It generally helps people warm to you.

iltavilli - I wouldn't take any notice of your colleague - it's his fault he doesn't have a large vocabulary. I love words and use all sort of unusual ones - and no it is not being snobby - it is being well-educated!

@TSSDNCOP I agree wholeheartedly. We better name change now or we'll forever be known for being snobs and bores and blah blah blah

Next time ask him, does he always act so immature.
He is a pleb, he probably think he is a funny guy.
Tell him directly he is not at all funny, patronising and annoying yes, but not funny.

...So, you need some jokey put-downs OP. Nothing too mean but the ability to 'put him in his place' and/or show up what he's doing, when he tries to mock you.

Pervasive: Especially of an unwelcome influence or physical effect) spreading widely throughout an area or a group of people.
Key: A thing that provides a means of achieving or understanding something.
I use words like those continuously and think nothing of it. Education has been available to all of us.There are ample amounts
of reading material available and it is very simple to educate oneself to the meaning of words that you may not be familiar with.

I think the crux of the matter is that you feel isolated from your colleagues. You don't see him as taking his training seriously. He probably sees you as being a bore.

If you can't join in, I hope the new role involves data collection or similar, as you don't seem to be the collaborative type.

Marionette I'm cool with that cross.

“stop being so middle class” before - I’m not, parents grew up on council estates, dad a factory labourer till he retired.

What is the problem with being middle class? You are what you are.

Christ.

Seriously though, you're analysing data. Hardly rocket science.

If I was to take a guess, you used to work at a till in Tescos and now you're training to work as a buyer or something.

He’s a bit of knob isn’t he: bit thick, bit insecure, bit competitive.

With those training programmes I think everyone is aware of the standard of the other trainees. If he feels threatened he may try to undermine you.

Hopefully you won’t be working with him when’s your training is finished?

If I were you, I'd be, quietly and unobtrusively, making friends with some senior colleagues. You need to get yourself into a position where your worth is recognised and you're the obvious choice for a promotion.

So, you need some jokey put-downs OP. Nothing too mean but the ability to 'put him in his place' and/or show up what he's doing, when he tries to mock you.

Yep.

‘One day I’ll buy you a dictionary/write you a glossary etc’

*Seriously though, you're analysing data. Hardly rocket science.

If I was to take a guess, you used to work at a till in Tescos and now you're training to work as a buyer or something.*

Where on earth did that come from?

OP you shouldn't spend a single minute longer thinking about this.

He sounds sexist and ignorant. Quite unprofessional too, if he is spending all day talking about TV rather than focussing on the work.

I shudder to see, in action, the 'race to the bottom' whereby you are accusing of being a snob for utilising the proper vocabulary for the occasion.
Maybe we should all speak like the reality TV lot, where every sentence consists of 'like' and 'you know what I mean'? By the time you've removed all of those unnecessary words there's barely any substance left to the sentence.

If he addresses you personally again, for instance by saying you are 'too middle class' then I would completely ignore him. Just focus on your programme of work and let him eat your dust! Good luck with it.

Oh @Jonette you have tried your hardest to rile me, sadly you couldn’t be further away from the truth. Great attempt. I’ll not comment on the Tesco / buyer mentions you chose to make. But I’m neither.

Our job is not analysing data, although it forms a part. I’m also not isolated from colleagues, a number of colleagues are good friends. As are senior managers who have similar personal interests.

Your projections are the most telling here.

TSSDNCOP Wed 12-Jun-19 19:17:11
*Seriously though, you're analysing data. Hardly rocket science.

If I was to take a guess, you used to work at a till in Tescos and now you're training to work as a buyer or something.*

Where on earth did that come from?

It came from Janette's PhD in "being a snarky bitch"

He's an insecure twat. In my previous team (which I'd built from scratch) half the team would catch up on the latest love island shenanigans and half (including me) had no idea what they were talking about. I like zen, meditation, pondering philosophical questions and grey's anatomy. We were all extremely good at our jobs and appreciated that. There was some gentle mockery going on from both sides but it was fun not pointed.

The only thing you may like to think about (and I work in regulated industries) is that you need to be able to match your communication styles to the people you are speaking to. I've had feedback about making very big jumps when explaining something and need to ensure everyone fully understands so they can catch up. It's always useful to take time to check that people understand the message you're conveying. A lot of people will feel too intimidated to ask and will appreciate you giving some further explanation.

But ignore him, he's an idiot

He didn't understand the use of the word key?

What a fuckwit.

However, I’m sucked into RuPaul’s drag race ....... I like my car crash tv to be honest in its vileness.

Drag Race, vile? How very dare you!