Am I stuck up, or is colleague rude?

[Iltavilli]

I changed career last year, and am on a training programme for a challenging new role, which I take quite seriously.

The new job is in a highly regulated environment - which I’m used to - and o approach it as such. A colleague, also on the development programme, is far more informal. He’s happy to chat all day about tv, primarily programme I simply don’t watch (talent shows, love island, etc), given I’m more of a going to gigs and sports person, so we have little in common.

There was a meeting last week where I used a word he seemed not to understand. It’s wasn’t a complex word, but the most suited to the context. As he asked what it meant I explained. They then mocked me for using it. He’s a jokey person but this was mockery in front of others and felt mean.

I should note, he’s well educated (degree etc), but it isn’t the first time. He’s told me to “stop being so middle class” before - I’m not, parents grew up on council estates, dad a factory labourer till he retired.

So who is BU?

And, as a data analyst, yes, key could mean a number of things.

A primary identifier.
A legend.
A way of quickly grouping information together.
Explanation of any acronyms used.

Am I thick too?? 🙄🙄🙄

You seem a bit stuck up and he seems like an inverted snob. Is there possibly a age gap? As older people tend not to watch junk tv.

Sounds like a bit of both to be honest, but more than anything it sounds like you just don't get on. Both of you need to find a way to manage that.

OP your colleague is just rude. I’m working class, only high school educated and grew up without a pot to piss in but I find his behaviour a show of incredibly bad manners.

I'm with NannyOgg on this one. I knew exactly what was meant by that term, not one I have had to use myself, and I don't have a degree. Mocking someone like that is unkind and certainly not what you would expect or tolerate in the workplace. My response would be to have a laugh about it, maybe gently and sweetly poke a little bit of fun at him and yourself next time, hopefully make him see how good banter works best between colleagues.
And no, I dont watch certain types of TV programmes either but that doesn't make me better or worse than the next person. I work with people a lot younger than me and we dont share the same taste in music either. Irrelevant. The guy's a prick.

OP I'm with you on this. 'Key' in the context with which it was used is not exactly mind boggling to understand and I fail to see why your colleague mocked it.

I was in a job once and was viewed as posh and stuck up because I apparently used big words, I didn't watch I'm A Celebrity and I ate carrot sticks occasionally!

I ate carrot sticks because I lived alone (in a council house btw) and I was fuckin' skint! I couldn't afford all the hand-delivered bacon sarnies and Chinese takeaways they were all eating. I didn't watch I'm A Celebrity because it just doesn't entertain me. Didn't judge them for it, just didn't enjoy it and couldn't join in with the I'm A Celeb conversations.

This colleague once saw me in Aldi. He was entering just as I was packing my bags at the checkout. I happily waved, smiled and said "hiya!" then thought no more of it. Discovered he went back to work exclaiming in glee to everyone "you'll never guess who I saw I Aldi... only MentalButGentle! Not as posh as she likes us to think, eh! Bet she's mortified!*

Some people are just very insecure and are threatened by the merest sign that you might have a slightly higher IQ than them.

Think you sound as if you take yourself too seriously. He might be an idiot but you don't seem to help much with trying to meet middle way. Some people watch TV, some people like going to gigs but if you're willing there is always something to talk about and have an enjoyable day at work. It's a nice skill to have to be able to talk to all types of people including adjusting language used to your audience

Even though it's not my cup of tea, I find people in the workplace who can't bring themselves to have a tiny bit of small talk or follow a conversation on something not to their interest for 5 mins to come across as a bit stuck up because they seem to have an air of 'I couldn't possibly trouble myself with reality TV...'

Why? I couldn't sustain a 5 second conversation on reality TV, snooker, darts, modern art... the list goes on, what could I contribute?

“The idea was to create a key on the different categorisations.”

Sorry, but I don’t know what you mean by that either. I don’t watch Love Island CBB etc, but I’m not snobby about them. People I work with do, but they aren’t arsey about the fact that I don’t watch them.

Erm Jade I think it was, I know I am older and I cant stand reality shows however I know alot of younger people who dont either.

My adult youngsters, their families, friends etc cant stand them either.

If people want to watch them fine. I just dont like them, to be polite about it.

As for the OP I don't think she is stuck up. I think he feels threatened by a woman having experience he hasn't

He certainly needs to be spoken to about it. Considering the field of work your in I would have thought he would have known what it meant as you obviously in the data field. I think he was taking the mickey.

I was expecting you to say some old fashioned public school term or the like. Key in data program is very common.

Two of my sons work in the data program industry and would want to know what a person was doing employed by the company if they didnt understand the basic of key in data.

I think he was taking the mickey. He is not a nice person

OP, my dh is amazingly intelligent but no body would know it bc he asks funny questions (i doubt row vs column, bc he'd engineer but i can see similar question in other fields).

I don't know how deeply technical your job is, but dh builds computer boards from scratch. I think sometimes people who are really technical miss obvious things.

Dh also jokes but is very kind.

I tell my dc to laugh with people bc it takes the fun out of teasing.

I've gotten through life better when I've been more buoyant than angry.

My dd told me once, "do you know how many boring conversations (about television shows) I've had bc I need to get along at work?"

Being at work means being professional, which means your personal feelings about things like music, etc are left at the door.

I don't know about "stop being middle class."

I would retort something like, "that's my home." ...and smile.

Working is learning to get along.

If you really feel that he's torturing you on purpose, keep track of every event and go to HR.

Maybe it's the chatting that's annoying you. Maybe it's the not wanting to chat that he gets offended by. Say 'Sorry Joe (insert name here) I've really gotta get on with my work now I'm sorry I need to concerntrate and can't concerntrate and chat I'm not being rude to you. " repeat x 1 million ....
Or wear headphones?

Ps joking and not taking yourself too seriously are life skills though. Its just a job x

Columns, rows, pervasive, key ? And him with a degree ? He's surely having a joke at your expense. He's smiling to himself when you - so seriously - explain. Or does he never add up a column of figures or use a key to open up anything ? (Though it's not a very nice joke - wonder if the others are in on it). Incidentally - grammatically - your sentence should have read "create a key for the different categorisations."

I think he might be trying to undermine you - possibly is threatened by you . He was wrong to discuss class at work and make assumptions about you .
I have worked in a similar type of environment it was

fairly formal so I understand your point. Just continue working hard - am sure it won’t go unnoticed. Write down everything he says if he continues to behave like this . From experience of similar behaviour it’s sometimes pays off ! Good Luck 💐

Sorry but hey is used all the time in refering to the index or identity of a row or tuple (real word Google it) of a data set. For instance a compound key is an identity made up of several fields to create a unique index for a row of data particularly if the data in question is a logical view comprised of several physical tables in storage.

Fuck me, my head's just exploded! I thought I had an idea of what the OP meant by "key", now my brain is totally scrambled.

Best I get up to speed with Love Island, I reckon.

Sounds as though your colleague feels intimidated, OP. As a pp has suggested, start taking notes. Dates, comments made, witnesses etc. I would put money on this situation escalating.

Incidentally, we don't celebrate ignorance in our house either.

He’s a doofus.

ROCKMYSOCKS

I think your family made a lucky escape!
Maybe she was awkwardly nervous?

I would have said, (in best most mothering voice) "We do. not. discuss bodily functions at the dinner table."

Our dd would have mocked her for mocking me about "pervasive."

Would have been long dinner.

Glad your ds smartened up.

Sounds like he doesn’t take the work environment as seriously as you do. It sounds like You are focused and motivated to do well in your new role and perhaps he’s coasting along, passing the time chatting about tv. It would drive me nuts too for what it’s worth. Try not to let it get to you and instead seek out colleagues who share a similar drive and focus so you will have a sense of camaraderie and are less likely to snap at the person you perceive to be slacking.

I am finding you quite unlikeable from your replies here. And he's clearly rattled you. Maybe he is taking the piss.

I think he sounds very rude. That said, you are coming across as a bit stuck up here OP and I imagine that is true in the workplace too.

Tailoring your language to the audience is part of being a good communicator.

Maybe he was flirting with you innit.

He was being a dick.

However, if he watches Love Island I really wouldn't take any notice of him and I'm not surprised he can't understand big words. He can't be that educated if he watches it,I didn't think anyone educated would watch that.

Before anyone starts having a go at me, think about what it is you're watching exactly. Cheap,degrading soft porn.