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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I stuck up, or is colleague rude?

380 replies

Iltavilli · 12/06/2019 17:19

I changed career last year, and am on a training programme for a challenging new role, which I take quite seriously.

The new job is in a highly regulated environment - which I’m used to - and o approach it as such. A colleague, also on the development programme, is far more informal. He’s happy to chat all day about tv, primarily programme I simply don’t watch (talent shows, love island, etc), given I’m more of a going to gigs and sports person, so we have little in common.

There was a meeting last week where I used a word he seemed not to understand. It’s wasn’t a complex word, but the most suited to the context. As he asked what it meant I explained. They then mocked me for using it. He’s a jokey person but this was mockery in front of others and felt mean.

I should note, he’s well educated (degree etc), but it isn’t the first time. He’s told me to “stop being so middle class” before - I’m not, parents grew up on council estates, dad a factory labourer till he retired.

So who is BU?

OP posts:
AtmosClock · 13/06/2019 10:00

I just wanted to add that as far as I know, in data analysis can have two meanings, the first as an identifier, and the second as a legend. The meaning of key is not clear cut

HiJenny35 · 13/06/2019 10:08

Rocksmysock maybe start your own post. You sound like you would be the mother in law from hell.

Op I think you're thinking too much about this. In a meeting generally I try to keep the language simple to possible to make sure everyone is following. I've worked with someone who would love to put in words he obviously thought were clever but generally were just normal words where other more obvious choices would have been just as good. He had a working class family and I think he did this as he felt it made him seem more professional and a bit more middle class, it didn't, it sounds like you are doing that.

CripsSandwiches · 13/06/2019 10:11

He felt threatened by you and has tried to make his ignorance your fault.

Nailed it.

Rockmysocks · 13/06/2019 10:41

HiJenny35

Feeling the lash of your admonishment so keenly Grin

Still curled up in foetal ball sobbing inconsolably....

Alwaysonarecce · 13/06/2019 11:21

OP - YANBU. What a plonker he sounds.

Rockmysocks - vote of solidarity from me. I’ll have to use that line ‘we don’t celebrate ignorance in this house’.

TatianaLarina · 13/06/2019 12:11

Even though it's not my cup of tea, I find people in the workplace who can't bring themselves to have a tiny bit of small talk or follow a conversation on something not to their interest for 5 mins to come across as a bit stuck up because they seem to have an air of 'I couldn't possibly trouble myself with reality TV...'

And you don’t see the gap between not doing smalltalk at all and just not discussion TV at work?

‘Stuck up’ is such a weird, childish phrase, I’ve never considered it in my life.

TatianaLarina · 13/06/2019 12:14

In a meeting generally I try to keep the language simple to possible to make sure everyone is following.

Only necessary if you’re working with people who need simple language.

woollyheart · 13/06/2019 12:28

It sounds as if you are not using 'stuck up' language, just language appropriate to your profession.

Next time, just reply 'Sorry - just using standard technical jargon. I didn't realise you were new to the field.'

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 13/06/2019 12:30

You sound like you would be the mother in law from hell

On the contrary, she sounds like the daughter in law from hell. Being young doesn't excuse her from being an absolute tit.

AlaskanOilBaron · 13/06/2019 12:44

On the contrary, she sounds like the daughter in law from hell. Being young doesn't excuse her from being an absolute tit.

I'm not sure how I'd react to someone mocking me (at my own dinner table) for using a word because they (mistakenly) think it's made up. I might let it go if I were feeling nice, but I might not.

Seems like some are asking an awful lot of Rocksmysocks.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/06/2019 12:49

Yes, use of 'stuck up' is the very definition of inverse snobbery.

It's classic 'othering' by people with no interest in anything or anyone outside their limited prior experience, who would rather dismiss a book by its cover than find out what it/someone has to say. Very tribal.

Of course it betrays a lack of skills to engage with anything outside that limited experience and some defensiveness about that plus, crucially, a closed-minded outlook. The opposite of the growth mindset you'd expect to see in a professional trainee.

mussolini9 · 13/06/2019 13:02

He’s told me to “stop being so middle class” before

Jeez.

Ask him to put it in a memo, cc:'ing your boss next time. What a jerk.

mussolini9 · 13/06/2019 13:04

You do sound a bit snotty about TV! Lots of people chat about the telly at work. It’s normal

I must be super-snotty. Not only do I despise reality TV, but - gasp! - I go to work to, you know, WORK.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 13/06/2019 13:05

I feel like I get a lot of this from men.

They just love to try to put women down, especially if those women are smarter or more accomplished than them.

imamearcat · 13/06/2019 13:43

Do you mean key as in what you have on a chart? If he doesn't understand what a key is or what a row or a column is then he's going to struggle to analyse any data!

brieislife · 13/06/2019 14:04

He was being a rude dick.

But more importantly, I read bucketloads and generally think I have a great vocabulary. However, not only have I never heard of ‘majoritarily’, but also, despite working in data analysis, I have never heard of ‘key’ used in that way. The only
meanings I know are ‘the thing that unlocks doors’ and ‘a little chart telling you what represents what’ (as in another word for a legend).

I am now questioning my very existence.

HomeTheatreSystem · 13/06/2019 14:20

Had you been male, I very much doubt he'd have made this remark and mocked you in this way. He's a 24 carat sexist thick-as-shit cockwomble.

Carry on being awesome!

woollyheart · 13/06/2019 15:05

I assume that key in this case was used in the sense that you would use it in a database. For example as a primary key used to access the database.

imamearcat · 13/06/2019 15:13

I think a primary key in a database is a unique identifier in a particular table? Not something you use to get into it?

Seems from this thread that maybe he's not that daft for not knowing what you meant!

Wauden · 13/06/2019 17:05

I should write down each incident, what you said, where you were, who witnessed the incidents, and how you felt. Just in case you need it. Keep your record at home or in your bag. Seriously.

I have been there, been derided in front of others for being middle class and using professional language and so on. It does happen. Sorry that still happens to women and yes, the colleague was a male twatface. It escalated...

Putthekettleonplease · 13/06/2019 17:35

He sounds like a dick.

I would struggle to chat to anyone who thinks love island is entertaining

YoThePussy · 13/06/2019 17:42

Confession time, I don’t even know what happens in Love Island and I don’t care either.

Rockmysocks please unclench from your foetal ball or I shall cry all night. You sound a great gal and I like the cut of your jib.

WikkiTikkiWoo · 13/06/2019 17:42

How you were bought up doesn't mean you're not a middle class snob now!

Mumminmum · 13/06/2019 17:42

@likeafishneedsabike How is it "snooty" to like other forms of entertainment?

Shanna89 · 13/06/2019 17:42

It's him. He's obviously intimidated by you.

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