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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you sign this?!

305 replies

Istherealawyerinhere · 12/06/2019 13:04

Would you sign something your PIL wanted after marriage to say that anything your husband inherits you have no claim to should you get divorced (and vice versa).

I just don’t think that’s how my marriage works and I think inheritance becomes OURS (from both sides) and would be ours if the worst should happen. But possibly IABU and people do this often?

OP posts:
crosspelican · 12/06/2019 16:33

Wtf, why do you think you should be entitled to his inheritance AFTER YOU DIVORCE?

If the OP has children, as is highly likely, and takes a financial hit to do so, which is all but unavoidable for the vast majority of women, is divorced and finds it difficult to extract sufficient support from her ex, her divorce lawyer will be AGOG that she signed something so ridiculous.

I have never once, in my 10 years on Mumsnet, read a poster say "Oh actually, my ex husband contributes fully to our childre's expenses and has shared all of their costs evenly, just as if we were still together." Huge numbers of women have great difficulty getting their ex husbands to even DECLARE their assets in the event of divorce.

pepperpot99 · 12/06/2019 16:34

I wouldn't dream of signing something so nasty and mean spirited. I agree with crazyasafox they sound like nasty bastards.

HollowTalk · 12/06/2019 16:36

Even if you signed it, and even if it was valid, if you split up it would have to be taken into account, wouldn't it? For instance if there's one family house and he has a million pounds, why would that house have to be sold and the equity split?

saraclara · 12/06/2019 16:36

DH is quite unhappy about the whole thing as it’s not in keeping with the nature of our marriage ie that everything is both of ours.

Except your PILs are ploughing a lot of money into your home. It's not like you and your husband have only used your own money.

I've seen some very bitter divorces over things like this. My friend'd grandmother put the house that she lives in, into my friend's name. My friend and her husband had been married for 30 years at this point. They seemed really happy, but a year later they divorced. And her husband demanded half the value of her grandmother's house. That she was still living in.

These things happen, and as a parent, you have to at least consider how to protect your own child.

herculepoirot2 · 12/06/2019 16:39

Except your PILs are ploughing a lot of money into your home. It's not like you and your husband have only used your own money.

Which can be legally ring fenced as their
money but not solely as his, because they are married.

RussianSpamBot · 12/06/2019 16:40

I wouldn't want to sign it on principle, simply because it represents an unwelcome level of interference in the marriage.

Namelessinseattle · 12/06/2019 16:40

How would it even work? Would you have to keep note of all the spend of the inheritance so he gets what’s left? Or would he legally own everything that the inheritance contributed towards? I’d take them up on the offer to speak to another solicitor.

BananaCatto · 12/06/2019 16:41

Sure. It won’t have any weight so why not

TheDarkPassenger · 12/06/2019 16:45

I would sign it because I wouldn’t want a penny of my in-laws money. Mostly cps they’re cunts but also because if they leave it to their son then that’s their choice (they won’t anyway as they haven’t spoken for years). I wouldn’t want my ex husband to get any of my parents inheritance either, He’s not my ex now but I’m pretty sure if he becomes my ex my mam and da won’t want him spending all their moneys!

ReanimatedSGB · 12/06/2019 16:47

I can see why both you and your H are offended, OP. It's quite controlling of his parents to try to insist that you get nothing after they are dead: once they are dead they get no input anyway.

I can see there are situations where a parent might be concerned that a DC has an abusive, greedy partner and want to try to ensure that the DC is protected financially, but there are better (and more diplomatic) ways of doing this than requiring the partner to sign some legally-dodgy declaration that they can't benefit from or access the money.

essex42 · 12/06/2019 16:59

Definitely yes and I would encourage any child of mine to have a similar document drawn up to protect any money they might be taking in to the relationship. I have two friends going through divorce and in the situation of their husband's being determined to get their hands on inheritance money that was intended to go to the daughter and to the grandchildren. Both my friends now wish they had been sensible enough to draw up a legal document at the time. but of course no-one ever thinks that they will split up in the future.

caughtinanet · 12/06/2019 17:02

If I'd worked hard to build up an inheritance for my DC no way would I want half of it to go to one of their partners in the event of a divorce. Children, yes, but an ex-spouse who could have treated my DC in a dreadful way, no chance, I'd be turning in my grave.

dollius · 12/06/2019 17:06

My parents in law helped us buy our house and there was never any suggestion that I should waive my rights in this way if we split up. Because my PIL respect that we are married and therefore anything they give their son, they are also giving to me. If my DH and I divorced and THEN he inherited from them, however, I would not expect anything from that.

BarbedBloom · 12/06/2019 17:10

I wouldn't be signing it and if it were reversed I would be telling my DH not to sign it either. In our marriage inheritance is joint and I have recently put mine into joint savings.

Notthetoothfairy · 12/06/2019 17:12

I wouldn’t. To those saying it is immoral not to sign, what if he has an affair and leaves? (I bet OP would wish she hadn’t signed it then!). Signing is against your interests and PIL can’t force you.

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 12/06/2019 17:13

Surely once your husband inherits whatever it is he can then share it with you all he wants. Nothing your dead PIL can do about it then.

BogglesGoggles · 12/06/2019 17:17

I would leave you husband to set them straight. I would also be very judgemental. The fact that they don’t want their son to do the decent thing in the event of a divorce says a lot about their character.

PlatypusPie · 12/06/2019 17:17

“
I just always assumed money inherited whilst together becomes “our money”. “

No, it only becomes that if you make it that by putting it into a joint account or similar, or use it to buy a jointly used asset or amalgamate it with general family assets in some way. You can keep an inheritance separate during the marriage and through a will. The ‘all money is joint money “ automatically during a marriage is a myth that’s always being perpetuated here on MN ( referring to England and Wales)

It can ,however, be considered upon divorce if it is needed to provide equability in the case of housing or similar. If the sale of the marital home would not provide reasonably for both parties, then an inheritance can be taken into account and split.

Paraphrasing my solicitor, when we were having a major wobble and my DH tried to take a large inheritance out of the equation before any other discussions.

Original poster
Istherealawyerinhere · 12/06/2019 17:23

If DH and I are already divorced and his parents die, I don’t expect any money.

If they die and several years later we divorce, that’s my concern, that I am not entitled to have any of it in the settlement.

DH and I are comfortable but his parents are astronomically wealthy. We are talking private jets etc. I did not give a shit about this when we married, but I find this whole business now embarrassing and offensive. DH and I didn’t need the help to buy the house, it’s TINY fraction of the cost that just makes our lives easier but we could do it without them. And probably will now. It’s none of their business how DH and i sort our money out. Would rather they not leave him anything if that’s how it will be, but then I feel snookered as I’m depriving DH and DC.

OP posts:
Original poster
Istherealawyerinhere · 12/06/2019 17:26

Also thank you for all the advice and opinions so far

OP posts:
magneticmumbles · 12/06/2019 17:43

Don't sign it. If you're still a married couple then it will be split as anything else would be. It's no different to you inheriting some money and sharing it with him. What's mine is my husbands, and what's his is mine. They obviously do not see you as part of the family.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/06/2019 18:08

Definitely yes and I would encourage any child of mine to have a similar document drawn up to protect any money they might be taking in to the relationship

I would do the same, sign and advise my children to do the same.

Id not dream of taking inheritance money though in marriage or divorce. It's not my family money, it would belong to DH. Therefore I'd sign willingly.

I think it should automatically be protected in the event of a divorce if it's been kept in a separate account and can be documented it was an inheritance. It shouldn't be a shared asset.

Original poster
Istherealawyerinhere · 12/06/2019 18:12

But I don’t want to see it as inheritance money! DH and I split everything! I don’t see why his parents should dictate that we change this. We have been together several years and known each other 15 years (we are 30), married for 3. I suddenly feel like they hate me or think I’m a gold-digger , and if I don’t sign this they will think so even more. Which makes me not want to sign tbh as it’s signing for the wrong reason.

OP posts:
ssd · 12/06/2019 18:14

Would you feel the same if you had a substantial amount of inheritance money from your parents?

ssd · 12/06/2019 18:14

And how would you feel if it was your DIL writing this?