Would you sign this?!

[Istherealawyerinhere]

Would you sign something your PIL wanted after marriage to say that anything your husband inherits you have no claim to should you get divorced (and vice versa).

I just don’t think that’s how my marriage works and I think inheritance becomes OURS (from both sides) and would be ours if the worst should happen. But possibly IABU and people do this often?

Sorry op I missed the child bit.

I think it's terrible they have asked this off you. It's like they are trying to control the future

Marriage is a contract that shares assets though

Prenups, or agreement not to share inheritances, are all ways to try to make a "lesser" form of marriage.

People who don't want to share assets should cohabit and tell their partners - from the beginning of the relationship - that they won't ever marry them

PILs who don't want their DIL or SIL to share large gifts or inheritances they give can make theif own arrangements,
e.g. only lifetime use for certain assets and then pass to the GC

They should not interfere in the marriage, or require their DC partners to sign away their standard rights

Prenups, or agreement not to share inheritances, are all ways to try to make a "lesser" form of marriage.

Exactly. The PIL are trying to circumvent the law - which they can do if they want - but in doing so they are sticking their beaks into the foundations of the OP’s relationship.

they are sticking their beaks into the foundations of the OP’s relationship

Thank you - this is exactly how it feels. I really appreciate it being recognised!

Istherealawyerinhere

No problem!

They should not interfere in the marriage, or require their DC partners to sign away their standard rights

No!

I'd take them up on paying for a lawyer, get a shit hot and expensive one to write them a letter saying they should stick it!

No. That isn’t how our marriage works. We have always shared all money.

PIL (and my parents) are welcome to not leave us a penny if they don’t want to but they do not have the right to interfere with a decision about our money - which is a fundamental part of our marriage - that we made nearly two decades ago.

(NB - the inheritance from my my side is likely to be significantly larger than the one from dh’s.)

I wouldn't want to sign it on principle, simply because it represents an unwelcome level of interference in the marriage

If the OP doesn't want her PIL interfering then she doesn't have to accept the money. She could tell them she doesn't want anything to do with it. They could always leave it to the OPs child and future children instead.

Yes, they can do whatever they like. But she can't force them either way, and personally I wouldn't be telling them I did or didn't want anything to do with it because once they're gone, the money will be DHs not theirs.

Yes, they can do whatever they like. But she can't force them either way, and personally I wouldn't be telling them I did or didn't want anything to do with it because once they're gone, the money will be DHs not theirs.

Given that you've said that you're going to get a large inheritance from your own parents, why do you think you should get half of your husband's (presumably MASSIVE) inheritance?

Because their marriage is a full partnership. I appreciate that not all marriages are like that- some people separate finances or have significant areas of distance- but this would be anathema to the nature of many marriages.

@OP. I wouldn't sign that, the fact that it's not legally binding would be irrelevant to me. I would rather my parents or PiL gave us nothing than change the nature of my relationship in that way. I'd be pretty fucking pissed off at something so controlling.

donquixotedelamancha

Spot on! Exactly how I feel. And even though DH offering to say he hasn’t told me about it, I now see my PIL in a different light/view how they see me a bit differently too and I’m not sure I’ll be able to stay silent. I also don’t want to falsely represent our marriage - eg that DH wouldn’t have discussed something so important with me.

He is saying he will discuss with lawyer as perhaps this isn’t what they intended and it can be rewritten.

I have had a family member try to use money as a way of asserting power over myself and my siblings.
His main tactic was divide and conquer.
Which didn't work because we steadfastly stood united. And, ultimately, won although we did have to fork out for lawyer's fees. Thankfully, it didn't get as far as court but I suspect only because said relative would hate anything negative like that to be associated with him publicly. And we would have made sure it was public (for business and family, not the general public! They would not be interested!).

I would discuss with your DH how to move forward with a united front. Don't let this come between you.

I think it should be absolutely enforceable. This is not joint money you have made after you marry which should be split. This is money his parents made, not money you made as a married couple which is a different thing. The reality is this is a provision for a situation where you are at odds and his parents have every right to want to protect from that. You say you are not interested in the money and don’t care that your parents money would equally be up for grabs. Would you inherit as much as him? If so, you might have point. Otherwise sign it to show that it is of no interest. I will say if my partner hadn’t agreed to sign ours, I would think twice.

I don’t agree with the majority actually.

From your PIL’s perspective, their wealth will primarily be for their son and grandchildren. IMO they should also want to do right by the mother of their grandchildren, but when we’re talking private jet wealth, that needn’t be half (on divorce) or all (on death) of DH’s inheritance.

I also don’t see this as interfering. How can they be meddling in your marriage? This is about their money, not money that your DH has earned . You say you’re both doing fine already; your PIL’s know any inheritance will be bonus money, not food-on-the-table money.

They are your husband’s parents, your children are their grandchildren. They can’t take this money to the grave with them. They will want to see it put to its best use. That will invariably mean “left to my family”. Divorce, death and marriage are a fact of life. There’s a good chance you will walk off into the sunset with a sizeable share of what they’d like to see benefit their son and grandchildren.

In their shoes I’d set up a trust for their grandchildren, with your DH and another family member (not you) as trustees. It’s all they can do. They can’t ringfence the money from you once they’ve given it to DH, as you’re married.

TBH, if they’re that wealthy, I’m surprised this wasn’t all planned for in advance. Sounds a bit off to me...

Sorry if I've missed the post, OP but how recently after the marriage have they brought this up. From the posts, it sounds like they know what they're doing and if the wedding was relatively recent then they might have planned the best time to have an agreement that is enforceable. Pre-nups can taken into account if reasonable and both parties have independent advice though generally marriage fundamentally changes things. You agreeing to something after marriage could give rise to something they could rely on again. You've had posts from a family lawyer but if they've suggested you get independent advice then the result might be something that could be relied on.

I can see why you are uncomfortable with your DH saying he has not shown you though it sounds like your DP is trying to be helpful. I can understand you don't want to stay silent. Things can be tricky with inlays, not allowing yourself to be messed around but not making waves either.

Would you be happy with and would he be happy to say that he has shown you for information but he is not willing to have this introduced into his marriage? In effect, whether they arrange any inheritance to pass down is up to them (unless there is something in a prior generation that have entails or conditions they can't change) but it is down to him whether his and your marriage is affected by their proposal and he is unwilling for that happen.

It might not sound much different to some but it might remove the dimension of any perception that you are interested in any inheritance yet still allow you to show you feel hurt by this.

I have had a family member try to use money as a way of asserting power over myself and my siblings.
His main tactic was divide and conquer.
Which didn't work because we steadfastly stood united. And, ultimately, won although we did have to fork out for lawyer's fees. Thankfully, it didn't get as far as court but I suspect only because said relative would hate anything negative like that to be associated with him publicly. And we would have made sure it was public (for business and family, not the general public! They would not be interested!).

I would discuss with your DH how to move forward with a united front. Don't let this come between you.

I have had a family member try to use money as a way of asserting power over myself and my siblings.
His main tactic was divide and conquer.
Which didn't work because we steadfastly stood united. And, ultimately, won although we did have to fork out for lawyer's fees. Thankfully, it didn't get as far as court but I suspect only because said relative would hate anything negative like that to be associated with him publicly. And we would have made sure it was public (for business and family, not the general public! They would not be interested!).

I would discuss with your DH how to move forward with a united front. Don't let this come between you.

I don’t agree with the majority actually.

From your PIL’s perspective, their wealth will primarily be for their son and grandchildren. IMO they should also want to do right by the mother of their grandchildren, but when we’re talking private jet wealth, that needn’t be half (on divorce) or all (on death) of DH’s inheritance.

I also don’t see this as interfering. How can they be meddling in your marriage? This is about their money, not money that your DH has earned . You say you’re both doing fine already; your PIL’s know any inheritance will be bonus money, not food-on-the-table money.

They are your husband’s parents, your children are their grandchildren. They can’t take this money to the grave with them. They will want to see it put to its best use. That will invariably mean “left to my family”. Divorce, death and marriage are a fact of life. There’s a good chance you will walk off into the sunset with a sizeable share of what they’d like to see benefit their son and grandchildren.

In their shoes I’d set up a trust for their grandchildren, with your DH and another family member (not you) as trustees. It’s all they can do. They can’t ringfence the money from you once they’ve given it to DH, as you’re married.

TBH, if they’re that wealthy, I’m surprised this wasn’t all planned for in advance. Sounds a bit off to me...