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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you sign this?!

305 replies

Istherealawyerinhere · 12/06/2019 13:04

Would you sign something your PIL wanted after marriage to say that anything your husband inherits you have no claim to should you get divorced (and vice versa).

I just don’t think that’s how my marriage works and I think inheritance becomes OURS (from both sides) and would be ours if the worst should happen. But possibly IABU and people do this often?

OP posts:
rodentforce · 12/06/2019 14:01

What's in it for you if you sign this? Nothing. You'd be doing it to try to keep everyone happy. Don't do it.

pokepoke · 12/06/2019 14:04

How long have you been married for? This seems really out of the blue and I'd take it a bit personally too.

Luckily, both you and your DH are on the same page and it should be up to him to tell him that you both don't agree with it and would like to split both inheritances equally as that's how you share your finances in your marriage.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 12/06/2019 14:11

You need to read the case of Radmacher v Granatino decided in our Supreme Court in 2010. I can’t do links. Sorry. But just type it in. Make sure you read the Supreme Court judgment. That was a pre-nuptial agreement that the highest Court in the land found was enforceable despite one party not having had legal advice. The facts there are quite unique (very big money case, wife’s family extremely wealthy) but the principles set out are of general application.

It is wrong for people to tell you that the “piece of paper” won’t be enforceable. It might be. Whether it will or not depends on many factors and the case I have mentioned will help you analyse which apply to you.

To decide what to do you need to know what will happen if you don’t sign.

herculepoirot2 · 12/06/2019 14:13

I wouldn’t sign something I did want to be enforced. Full stop. Why would I?

Millie2018 · 12/06/2019 14:17

I wouldn’t sign.

user1486131602 · 12/06/2019 14:24

That’s up to them, they can put those things in their will and make sure that it’s goes to their son only, presuming you will still be married at the time of their deaths, what he does with it then will be up to him!

To answer your question. No, I wouldn’t sign it.

BigChocFrenzy · 12/06/2019 14:26

Do NOT sign
It might indeed be binding

whether SAHP or not, you can't tell what would happen in the future,
how much you might desperately need your share of joint assets

e.g. you could become disabled after accident, illness, birth etc
or current or future DC could require care.

Your marriage could break up after you have been an SAHP for many years and you would need a good buffer before you could be self-supporting again.

If you and your DH have mutually agreed that you became an SAHP,
then it is only fair that he shares assets, to compensate for your loss of current and future potential earnings

Otherwise, you need to return to ft work and your DH must share fully in childcare, admin and housework

However, if PIL are helping with a house, then it is fair for them to ringfence their part of the deposit,
before any split of assets,
but NOT a % of the gain in value, because that is a result of joint work between you and FH.

Disfordarkchocolate · 12/06/2019 14:27

No, I don't allow financial interference from PIL in my marriage, and neither would my husband. It's creating division between husband and wife.

Original poster
Istherealawyerinhere · 12/06/2019 14:38

I can’t believe how fucking underhanded their offer of a lawyer for me is

OP posts:
hopeful31yrs · 12/06/2019 14:46

How desperate are they to offer to pay for a lawyer for you to look it over? Rediculous. I wouldn't sign, I'd also expect DH to tell them to do one on your behalf before even discussing it with you. I'd go as far as not accepting inheritance as a sign to my parents that we were one unit and one decision.

EnchentButteler · 12/06/2019 14:48

That sounds nice of your DH to offer to take the decision off you and tell his parents it's his decision not to show it to you to sign. He sounds like one of the good ones.

I wouldn't sign it no. For all the reasons you say. They clearly don't see you as a member of 'their' family despite your marriage.

RedPink · 12/06/2019 14:57

It’s irritated me as I’m really not interested at all in the money!

Are you sure that that is true? 🤔 I don't think there is anything wrong in being interested in the money TBH. Presumably it would mean a lot to you and your husband and I can't imagine you would genuinely turn it down to make a point.

I can see this from the PIL point of view too though. We have worked hard for our money and we will help our children buy houses if they want. I am happy for their partners to benefit from this if they remain a couple but I'd be pissed off if they split up and the money ended up going to their partner.

It's tricky but at least you are all talking about it. Is it a large amount of money?
If you refuse to sign them might they look at another way to protect the money such as offering to buy a house with your partner?

RedPink · 12/06/2019 15:02

Your marriage could break up after you have been an SAHP for many years and you would need a good buffer before you could be self-supporting again

Just playing devils advocate here but why should that 'buffer' be paid for by the OPs PIL which is effectively what might happen if they take the inheritance and the OP refuses to ring-fence it.

herculepoirot2 · 12/06/2019 15:05

RedPink

Because the inheritance, once it passes from the PIL to the DH, becomes a marital asset. The law is pretty clear on this point. If someone has a problem with this they probably shouldn’t get married?

Geminijes · 12/06/2019 15:08

If it only refers to your husband's eventual inheritance and as you say...

It’s irritated me as I’m really not interested at all in the money!

then why not sign it?

Why should you receive a share of their hard earned money?

They want to leave their money to their son and not to you. That's their choice and personally, I think you should respect that.
By not signing it, you have proved to them why they feel the need to ask you to sign it.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 12/06/2019 15:09

Your PIL's sound like devils. Don't sign it, don't engage with them over it, and you'd not be U to cut them from your lives entirely after this kind of behaviour because clearly they don't see your position in the family as permanent.

herculepoirot2 · 12/06/2019 15:10

By not signing it, you have proved to them why they feel the need to ask you to sign it.

They might think that. Actually, all I would be proving is that what happens in my marriage is nothing to do with anyone other than me and my husband.

HiJenny35 · 12/06/2019 15:16

I'd sign. Its their money, they have worked hard for, they want it to go to their son.
If he chooses to share it with you then all good, if you split for any reason he keeps it and why shouldn't he, its from his parents.
I know that legally once married anything he gets has to be split 50/50 if you separate but that doesn't make it right. This isn't money you've worked together for during the relationship.

maddening · 12/06/2019 15:17

I would say I would only sign it if dh is signing that he will provide full spousal support and maintenance in the event of a divorce due to your loss of earning potential due to being sahm for his dc.

CrotchetyQuaver · 12/06/2019 15:19

What is it they're concerned about? The whole future inheritance or the bit of money that's coming imminently to go towards the house purchase? I think there's a difference between the two, but I'm concerned on your behalf as a SAHM. Your husband sounds great by the way...

herculepoirot2 · 12/06/2019 15:20

But the thing is, it’s not their money once they give it away. Even if that money goes into a separate account and the idea is that it is not touched, it is still affected by the rest of the spending and earning history of their relationship. If in, say, ten years’ time (post the inheritance) the OP’s DH has been earning less than the OP and they have been living on “her” money, why should the inheritance still be separate? What if they have sold their house and he has pissed the equity up a wall? You don’t know what is going to happen in a relationship. You don’t want to make big decisions like this ahead of time.

Rosielily · 12/06/2019 15:21

Your comment about your PIL paying for you to see a solicitor is unclear. You must take your own independent legal advice, not that of a solicitor your PIL suggests. I'd pay for that advice myself, too.

What's happening with the house? How much are your in-laws contributing and on what terms? Will you hold as joint tenants or tenants in common? If the latter, what is the split, and who will your husband leave his share too in the event of his death?

Confusedbeetle · 12/06/2019 15:24

I really dont understand this. They will leave money to their son, and then it is exactly up to him what happens to it. Once they have left it to him, he could give it to whoever he wanted

ssd · 12/06/2019 15:24

TBH I wouldn't expect inheritance money given to dh to be automatically mine and split 50/50 if we divorce. I don't think that's fair.

LemonBreeland · 12/06/2019 15:31

Lucky for you that your DH is on the same page as you. I agree that he needs to ask his parents if they want a good relationship with their son and his wife, or if they care more about money.

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