At what point does smacking children become abuse?

[Smackingchildren]

I am asking this out of curiosity as I know this type of discipline does go on (mostly behind closed doors). What is your opinion on smacking children? Do you find it to be an effective method of discipline?

I was 'smacked' as a child and teenager. It was never done in a constructive way, it was always because my dad had lost his temper. The 'smacking' would include being threatening, pushing me up and down stairs, shoving me, shouting in my face. This was mostly when I was a teenager, although there was some scattered throughout when I was younger. One such instance was when I was 3 years old and would continuously take the cushions off of the sofa and put them on the floor. My mum says that despite telling me many times to stop and doing the naughty step, I continued to do it, so my dad lost it and threw me up the stairs into my bedroom. This kind of behaviour from my parents probably happened a few times a year. My parents also used to say that I was the difficult child of the family and was always stubborn and argumentative.

Smacking didn't work for me. If anything it made me hate my dad and lose all respect for him. So rather than behaving, I would think 'well you clearly don't respect me so why should I respect you?!'

I have a five year old and I have never felt the need to smack him. Usually sending him to his room/taking a toy away/talking to him about why something is wrong stops the behaviour. I can with almost certainty say I will never smack him because of my own experience.

At what point does smacking become abusive, and do you think its an effective tool for discipline?

Exactly. I spoke with a behaviour therapist once and they said they hear it all the time that as a last resort a late t would give a “tap” on the hand or bum. There was no incentive to behave when the last resort had no effect whatsoever.

Smacking/Spanking correctly do in a calm and fair way is fine... done at a young age no older than 4 yrs old is fine...above that age boundaries should have already been established and if not the spanking/smacking isn't working.

When using Spanking it should be used as a last resort and rarely.... so warnings, explanations etc would be first methods before spanking would come into play to enforce the boundaries

Spanking/tap should only be hand or bottom anywhere else would be wrong and Abuse.

What you experienced wasn't the correct way of spanking for one you were far to old and two it should never be done in uncontrollable anger. That's not why you spank it's used to teach not to release your anger onto your child.

Why would you be shocked it's legal

False

Smacking other people or annimals is always nabuse.

I am glad I live somewhere where it is illegal to assault others, including children.

No it's not.... but I see you don't have the mental capacity to grasp that fact so have a nice day 😘

If you are resorting to physical violence to control or discipline a child, then you are a shit parent.

There isn't a fucking correct way to hit someone, for fuck sake.

🤙 Okay dude whatever... you believe in what ever you want in your fantasy world

Spanking is never right. It’s a loss of control and poor judgement.

No it's not.. loss of control is what it says it is loss of control and if you spank then it's abuse..

Spanking correctly is done in calm manner never in anger

I work with vulnerable adults, many of whom have communication/comprehension issues and can endanger themselves or behave disruptively. I'm in a position of power over hem and I'm responsible for their actions in many cases.

I would NEVER think it was appropriate to smack them to "give them a quick lesson" or "shock them into behaving" or whatever weak excuses kiddy-smackers give. It would be a crime, and rightly so, for many reasons.

Once you think "a quick little loving smack" is ok, then what else becomes ok? If you're a tiny child having this boundary broken by bigger, stronger caregivers, what other boudaries will you grow up to let other people break?

I grew up with little smacks "out of love". I ended up accepting all kinds of physical abuse from partners who convinced me they hit because "they were worried about me" or they were "scared in the moment" or "I needed it". I accepted it, after all, my own mother had taught me this was ok.

Hitting someone calmly is almost worse.

The studies show clearly it doesn't work. If you are rationally deciding to hit a defenseless child then you a just a fucking cunt.

umm not sure how to you worked that one out.... But then I remembered nothing needs to make sense for it to be a woke fact 😜🤣

No studies have brother and it doesn't work.

Thank you for name calling me it's shows how mature you are really helps your argument

Not an argument. Just a fact.

Not just a cunt. Possibly more unsavoury motives too.

I view a lot of pro-smacking/spanking posts on MN with EXTREME suspicion, especially posts like the one upthread which goes into rather nasty step-by-step detail about the whys and hows of the procedure. Creepy in the extreme.

Smacking didn't work for me. If anything it made me hate my dad and lose all respect for him.

This for me too.

Revives a zombie thread to be over zealous... Either someone a little too into the idea of spanking children or a journo. Don't feed them.

Says the woke person .... the most evil type of people currently walking this planet 😳.

Look, mate, everyone here has sniffed you out as a cheap journo or a creepy fantasist. Give it up.

If you say so pall 😂 weirdo 🤪

My mum occasionally lost her temper and smacked us. My brother and I would run away and laugh. It wasn't ideal but it was her way of saying we had pushed it too far. Sadly I have occasionally done the same with my older daughter. Not my younger as she has a different personality (not to say it was my other daughter's fault, just that the loss of control occurred with my older daughter.) I have a great relationship with them both and my older daughter remembers it (she's now early teens) but says she forgives me. 😔. However, anyone who thinks an occasional smack from a loving parent who's exhausted and on the edge has anything like tge same effect as unkind words is completely mistaken. One or two of my daughter's friends are seriously messed up due to unkind words and lack of love in the home.

Smacking is always abusive.
Would you smack another adult? Your pet? Why on earth do people think hurting children is OK?

I don't think it's a good tool for discipline, no; there's lots of evidence that it isn't. I disagree that it's always abuse, however (though I think that the use of a stick, belt or other implement always is). However, what you experienced - being thrown up and down stairs - was abuse, and I'm sorry that he did this to you!

@Smackingchildren yeah no, no one who knows me could describe me as woke, but if disliking nonces and parasitic Sun journalists make us woke then so be it.
You've actively gone looking for a zombie thread to revive, have a day off.

Mumsnet being glitchy, obviously that should have been @SwimWellNoGOOD