At what point does smacking children become abuse?

[Smackingchildren]

I am asking this out of curiosity as I know this type of discipline does go on (mostly behind closed doors). What is your opinion on smacking children? Do you find it to be an effective method of discipline?

I was 'smacked' as a child and teenager. It was never done in a constructive way, it was always because my dad had lost his temper. The 'smacking' would include being threatening, pushing me up and down stairs, shoving me, shouting in my face. This was mostly when I was a teenager, although there was some scattered throughout when I was younger. One such instance was when I was 3 years old and would continuously take the cushions off of the sofa and put them on the floor. My mum says that despite telling me many times to stop and doing the naughty step, I continued to do it, so my dad lost it and threw me up the stairs into my bedroom. This kind of behaviour from my parents probably happened a few times a year. My parents also used to say that I was the difficult child of the family and was always stubborn and argumentative.

Smacking didn't work for me. If anything it made me hate my dad and lose all respect for him. So rather than behaving, I would think 'well you clearly don't respect me so why should I respect you?!'

I have a five year old and I have never felt the need to smack him. Usually sending him to his room/taking a toy away/talking to him about why something is wrong stops the behaviour. I can with almost certainty say I will never smack him because of my own experience.

At what point does smacking become abusive, and do you think its an effective tool for discipline?

Thinking back to my own childhood (born early 90’s), I only remember being physically punished once. Other than that, it wasn’t commonplace in my house.
My mum was a dab hand at flicking us across the arse with a tea towel in a jokey fashion if we were being cheeky or something but we were much older by that point - probably around 12/13, and she would always have laughed at what we said first and then followed with “cheeky sod!” and a flick of the tea towel.
Even now, I’m a grown adult with kids of my own, and mum has got me with a tea towel when I’m jokingly taking the piss out of her!
That’s about as physical as it ever got in my house growing up, and I’m so grateful for it.
I remember seeing my friends brother get an almighty wallop from their dad once - can’t even remember what he had done - but it really shocked me

I’m not even going to read the full thread as I can’t bear to.

There is no doubt at all. Smacking is always abuse. Always. No grey line.

If you hit your child, you have assaulted them. End of

Peachsummer quite disturbing thtat your "go to" response is violence.

I'm actually in disbelief at some of the posters on here who believe men that smack their wives should be prosecuted. And I mean smack/spank, I do not mean abuse. Who do you think would suffer as a result of trying to police this and with social services involvement? I'll tell you who, the women who are actually being abused and neglected. The ones who live their lives in fear and who run the risk of losing their lives due to horrific abuse.

@AryaStarkWolf I assume so (not naked, bare arse but otherwise fully clothed)... otherwise the spoon didn't hurt!

My father grew up in an era where teachers would pull a childs pants down to cane them.. so I can see why he thought that an appropriate way to punish - I disagree with him vehemently of course!

It's assault.
Strangley, personally know 2 police officers who smack their children. I was quite shocked when they freely told me this in conversation.

My parents occasionally used to smack me (til I grew taller than them), if I did something bad. I always felt like it was deserved, and I don't look back on it as abuse.

At age 11, I witnessed my friend's stepdad holding a knife to her backside and saying threatening things about what he might do with it. She was shaking and I was terrified. That was abuse!

I never smacked my kids, and they grew up with boundaries and discipline. Great, principled young adults they are, and they will always call out any shitty behaviour from others.

FWIW when i were a lad think around 1960, physical punishment was very common espically at school. If you got walloped at school then the chaces of having it repeated at home were very high so one shut up re the matter.

And yes it used to happen to me at home, my little sis was I think never physcially punished as she was such an angel, never did owt wrong.

I think on reflection at school (strict catholic) it was never done without a reason, and in the main done by the headmaster tho some teachers would dole out the occasional slap. If you misbehaved the usual form was three verbal warnings then you were sent to stand in shame outside the headmasters office and wait there till he returned then you'd get asked why you were there, we all discovered we should never tell lies to what we had done.

He'd then decide what the punishment ought be sometimes write out 500 lines and have it done by the following day sometimes a wack across the palm with a cane sometimes across ones arse number of whacks depenndent on the severity of crime commited.

I really don't think it ever did us any harm there was nothing sadistic in it or abusive as such, but we rapidly learnt that if you wanted to stay out of trouble then just behave!, which we tended to do afterwards there were however some real head cases who I think did it delibertly so they could boast of what punishment they took!

We did however have a deal of respect for the school staff as well as other adults and the police espically, we'd never cheek such as coppers they too were quite able to issue a clip aroud the ear when they thought fit to do so.

It sort of worked back then, I don't think there was a time that i was unjustley punished and in the main i suppose it was what we expected if we did wrong, it also was over and done with.

The only abuse was a games master who we were warned never to be in the same room as him and make sure there was more then just you in the showers at any time he was done for abuse a while ago took a long time to catch up with the old barsted.

In the main I liked all the teachers there and i think they did their best for us at the time still keep in touch with one of them.

It might be thought that you ought ro reasom with the children concerned but i really think there were some there who to this day you just couldnt reason with, and they were the ones who did commit offences after school a few have done a bit of time but most grew up to be decent parents and adults.

Nuff said!..

Always for me too. Never any justification for it imo.

Should parents be able to smack disabled adults who have the minds of young children? How would you feel if you saw a carer smack such a person?

speakout 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 You took part of a post and changed a word. Very clever. However, you failed to address the actual point being made. If you think that resources should be stretched even further to prosecute parents who smack their children's bottoms and taken away from children who are horrifically abused and in danger of being killed, then say that. Don't change a word and skirt the issue to make a point. As many posters have clearly pointed out, many punishments that parents give their children would not be appropriate in an adult dynamic.

As many posters have clearly pointed out, many punishments that parents give their children would not be appropriate in an adult dynamic

In addition, there are punishments meted out to adults that cannot be given to children.

Always for me. Absolutely no need for it!

It’s always wrong.

Incidentally I went to a safeguarding course last night (I’m a CM) and I was shocked at how many people said they have smacked their own children (obviously not the children they currently look after) for me it feels completely pointless, not to mention violent and bullying type behaviour.

It definitely opened my eyes, people I know and respect have smacked bottoms, albeit many years ago, and it really startled me.

When it happens more than once. Once could be a bad call but if it happens and the adult wasn't so overcome with remorse that they took all steps to make sure it never happened again then that's purposeful.

Sorry but this is not an AIBU topic op

People who claim that corporal punishment never did them any harm are demonstrating by virtue of that claim that it undoubtedly did.

Perfectly legitimate AIBU topic, yourgeniusbanana. Basically, anything is.

I was shocked at how many people said they have smacked their own children (obviously not the children they currently look after) for me it feels completely pointless, not to mention violent and bullying type behaviour.

It depends how it was said really- a big difference between being proud of so doing and recommending it as a form of punishment and admitting that while you had never intended to, you did sometimes resort to smacking. If it was the latter, I'd be glad that there was such an open atmosphere that people could admit it.

Unlike, say, this thread. MN is a peculiar place sometimes. I suppose women can act out being the perfect parent, the perfect wife, the perfect employee, a domestic goddess, that they have a lot more money than they have and live a very different lifestyle from their own actual lives.

It's always assault and abusive. Parents who indulge in this have issues they should address, there's no excuse for it.

Nothing sadistic in it justaboy? Your teachers did a fine job on you.

longwayoff Can you explain how you conclude that please?

People who claim that corporal punishment never did them any harm are demonstrating by virtue of that claim that it undoubtedly did.

I would agree that it did do me some harm but so did other things. However, overall I am not a victim of abuse because that is not how I see myself and there is no reason for anyone else to see that.

What it did do for me is to make me question the choices my parents made and if I wanted to repeat them. On the whole...no, funnily enough!

That wouldn't make a difference infact would more likely to causes harm. Example splitting up a family because some one reported the parents even though they did it the right short tap either on the hand or bum and not the abusive way

That's false