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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour's child keeps screaming and crying

154 replies

Mango77 · 12/06/2019 09:00

In the small block of 6 flats next to our house, several days a week, for about a year. Some families are noisy, kids cry, some make a fuss about nothing, I know that and don't want to be an interfering busybody. But it's going on and on. We've lived here a year and it only stopped in the winter, not sure if we just couldn't hear cos windows were shut or poss her DH was away for a while.

I rarely see her and I'm not sure which flat she's in. At the moment we are on friendly but distant 'hello in passing' terms. If she was my age and middle-class and I was confident and drank alcohol I could go round there with a bottle of wine and say, "Are you OK? Let me babysit when it all gets too much." but she's about 30 years younger than me, I'm quite shy and don't drink, she's working-class and rather aggressive in her manner and her DP is a scary bodybuilder type. My accent makes me come across as patronising (probably I am) and she would almost certainly tell me to f**k off.

I know what you're going to say. "Phone social services."

But they would know it was us because no one else lives near enough to hear. SS would do nothing and we would be in danger from her DH. Also we want to get planning permission soon for changes to our house and they could easily stir up all the other neighbours to object. We want to live here for the rest of our lives. If I report her, we WILL have to move, probably after years of hell from her.

AIBU to do nothing? WWYD?

OP posts:
babysharkah · 12/06/2019 09:04

Wtf has her being working class got to do with it?

Oneweekleft · 12/06/2019 09:07

I think there's not alot you can do. Maybe the child has behavioural problems or autism, something like that. How old are they?

RestingBitchFaced · 12/06/2019 09:12

If your not sure which flat she is in, how do you know it's her child? Nothing much you can do about it, she probably doesn't enjoy listening to screaming either

Original poster
Mango77 · 12/06/2019 09:12

@babysharkah well, it hasn't except that she's not someone I could easily befriend, although I'd like to help her.

@Oneweekleft child is about 3. No obvious signs of mistreatment (eg bruises) so you could be right.

OP posts:
Babyduck2 · 12/06/2019 09:12

If you really think the children are in danger you should call SS regardless of everything else. If you think they are ok, just noisy then there's not much you can do other than have a word.

DoneLikeAKipper · 12/06/2019 09:13

Yes, you’re quite right. Middle and working class should never mix - I mean could you just imagine? It’s bad enough the proles live so close to you in the first place.

ChequersDog · 12/06/2019 09:13

What makes you think a) that social services is an appropriate response to a child screaming and crying? b) she’d give you years of hell? c) that she’d know it was you when she lives in a block of six flats?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 12/06/2019 09:13

Can't get past the Middle class comment.
If you're so superior to her. Why are you living in the same block of flats as her. Why arent you living in 6 bedroom detached house with electric gates.

ChequersDog · 12/06/2019 09:14

Oh FFS it’s a three year old? Yeah, they scream and cry and then mostly grow out of it.

brummiesue · 12/06/2019 09:15

Ha ha you have blown this thread already but mentioning the wc/mc issueWink
If there are 6 flats in the block, what makes yoy think they will assume that it is you that rang ss? Surely it could be any of them?

Seeline · 12/06/2019 09:16

Age 2-3 is prime -time toddler tantrumming age. That can involve a lot of crying and screaming - and that's just the parents.

Do you see the child coming and going? Nursery, play group etc?
How are they behaving then?
What time of day/night is the noise happening?
Are you sure there is only one child?

Sockwomble · 12/06/2019 09:18

Well new poster, you aren't coming across well on this.

TheJoxter · 12/06/2019 09:18

Presumably the middle class/working class issue is more that you’re worried she’ll think you’re a patronising snob rather than because you’re looking down at her?

HennyPennyHorror · 12/06/2019 09:18

Hmm Nobody else lives close enough to hear but it's a "Small block of six flats"

What?

ChequersDog · 12/06/2019 09:19

My 2.5 year old screamed and cried this morning because I wouldn’t let her wear a completely inappropriate dress for nursery. I presume I’ll have social services round later telling me to let her wear what she wants in case it disturbs the neighbours.

m00rfarm · 12/06/2019 09:25

Am I the only person that "gets" what the OP is trying to say? That IF she were younger and more socially aware then she would pop round for a social chat and see for herself? That it is not a one off "scream and cry this morning". Don't presume to know the OP when you, yourselves, are coming across in an even worse manner.

Mango77 · 12/06/2019 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gardai · 12/06/2019 09:27

So you live in your mansion beside a block of 6 flats (full of common people), there's no other houses around and you want to live there forever ? You are also near enough to spot bruises on children...I need a diagram please.

Butchyrestingface · 12/06/2019 09:28

@DoneLikeAKipper oh shut up you know perfectly well I don't think I'm superior to her but have always lived in working-class areas due to being poor and have never fitted in.

If you are poor and have always lived in WC areas, what makes you middle class? Confused

Breastfeedingworries · 12/06/2019 09:28

Oh you had me at working class, they’re terrible aren’t they! Their children are so badly behaved and cry and scream more than middle class children. Hmm

DoneLikeAKipper · 12/06/2019 09:31

oh shut up you know perfectly well I don't think I'm superior

The only thing I know about you is what you’ve written here, and that reads as a classist snob. No one mentions class unless they think it matters. Regardless, you said yourself:

My accent makes me come across as patronising (probably I am)

So you have admitted yourself you behave in a way that makes others think you believe yourself superior.

TanyaChix · 12/06/2019 09:31

You lost me at ‘if she was middle class.’ What an unpleasant sneering thing to say.

Dvg · 12/06/2019 09:34

My 11 month old screams like a banshee constantly having tantrums. Sometimes i think someone will phone SS or think i'm killing him because its sooo loud! especially at bathtimes or when hes hungry so i think it is hard to judge but i also would prefer to do something rather than nothing and wonder what if but it completely depends on what i actually hear.

Original poster
Mango77 · 12/06/2019 09:44

What makes me middle-class? My upbringing, my behaviour, my education, my accent, the jobs I've had and my attitude to life - which clearly sucks in your combined opinion. And probably in hers, too, which is exactly the issue. My only point was to say that this is not a person I felt I could help by getting to know her.

Yes, let's turn this into a discussion on social class and pretend class differences don't exist - that'll help.

OP posts:
Ineedhelptocope · 12/06/2019 09:45

If she was my age and middle-class and I was confident and drank alcohol I could go round there with a bottle of wine and say, "Are you OK? Let me babysit when it all gets too much." but she's about 30 years younger than me, I'm quite shy and don't drink, she's working-class
Oh my. Astonishing.