Neighbour's child keeps screaming and crying

[Mango77]

In the small block of 6 flats next to our house, several days a week, for about a year. Some families are noisy, kids cry, some make a fuss about nothing, I know that and don't want to be an interfering busybody. But it's going on and on. We've lived here a year and it only stopped in the winter, not sure if we just couldn't hear cos windows were shut or poss her DH was away for a while.

I rarely see her and I'm not sure which flat she's in. At the moment we are on friendly but distant 'hello in passing' terms. If she was my age and middle-class and I was confident and drank alcohol I could go round there with a bottle of wine and say, "Are you OK? Let me babysit when it all gets too much." but she's about 30 years younger than me, I'm quite shy and don't drink, she's working-class and rather aggressive in her manner and her DP is a scary bodybuilder type. My accent makes me come across as patronising (probably I am) and she would almost certainly tell me to f**k off.

I know what you're going to say. "Phone social services."

But they would know it was us because no one else lives near enough to hear. SS would do nothing and we would be in danger from her DH. Also we want to get planning permission soon for changes to our house and they could easily stir up all the other neighbours to object. We want to live here for the rest of our lives. If I report her, we WILL have to move, probably after years of hell from her.

AIBU to do nothing? WWYD?

What about the flat dwellers? Doesn't the noise bother them?

What a nasty person you are mango

You clearly do not know this woman at all, how do you know what her education is or her upbringing? I feel sorry for her having to live in slums with such a nasty neighbour like yourself.

My accent makes me come across as patronising

Yeah, it's probably not your accent that's making you come across as patronising. You're probably coming across as patronising for the same reason you're coming across as an arrant snob and a judgmental twat - because, well, going off your own words in your own posts you are displaying all the signs of being all of those things.

Poor old OP, you've opened the floodgates, haven't you? Even the man on the Clapham omnibus (working class) is likely to jump on the bandwagon now!

How can you possibly know it's her child when u dont even know which flat they live in?

Working class. What a fucking joke. I am going to report this thread.

😳

Well! That escalated quickly.

Anyway - the top and bottom of it is, I have a baby too and I’m sure that to our neighbours, he often sounds like he’s crying unattended - but 90% of the time he’s crying during things like nappy changing, not getting his own way etc.

I also listened to their baby cry endlessly (or so it felt) and they were probably going through exactly the same thing.

I know it sounds weird but unless you actually know the person an offer of help in this instance can come across as a real slap in the face - so proceed with real caution. Unless you can see through the walls you need to step away a bit.

Okay so you got a roasting for being classist fair enough.

But what I can’t actually get past is the fact you think there’s a safeguarding issue with a child (whether there is or not) and yet won’t report it ‘because you won’t be able to get an extension’ shit man, I’m speechless

BeaShehe You're already on greeting terms when you see this woman on the street, not really, I say hello when I'm putting the bins out or we are both going to our cars at the same time. We've exchanged a few sentences eg on the weather. you don't see this women have random arguments with people on the street, yelling in public etc. nor did I ever claim that was the case, although she does shout at other people and was quite aggressive when we pulled up to view the house before buying. We were only letting my disabled mother out of the car before backing it into the narrow space belonging to our house, DH calmed her down and explained. She's OK but I felt I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of her. so you've projected a totally unjustified stereotypical opinion of working class women I know lots of other working class women, they're not like her and they are my friends.

@AuchAyeTheNo *What a nasty person you are mango

You clearly do not know this woman at all, how do you know what her education is or her upbringing?* and you don't know me at all, but it didn't stop you having a judgmental attitude.

I feel sorry for her having to live in slums she doesn't live in a slum. AFAIK she lives in a perfectly ordinary flat.

@TheDarkPassenger But what I can’t actually get past is the fact you think there’s a safeguarding issue with a child (whether there is or not) and yet won’t report it ‘because you won’t be able to get an extension’ shit man, I’m speechless

I've already said that's not the case, RTFT, I won't report it because PPs have assured me the child's screaming is normal for this age. AND because I doubt greatly if SS would take any action. But it is a major consideration as the planning permission is to make life easier for a disabled member of the family who is in constant pain and I don't want to fuck that up by upsetting my neighbour - would you?

If a child was in danger yeah I would. In a fucking heartbeat. It’s not only my job but runs deep in my morals.

Yes I'm upper middle and had to move into Council accommodation. The Shame !!!😬

Who says the mother needs help just because he small childs screams a lot

OP,

Classist comments aside, I do see where you’re coming from in the sense that you don’t want to potentially cause yourself grief from a possibly innocent and normal situation.

I would suggest making logs of when the screaming takes place. E.g does it happen more when dad is home? Or more when he is absent? Do they go out? Is child dressed appropriately for the weather when they do go out? If you’re still concerned, please do call SS.

OP,

Classist comments aside, I do see where you’re coming from in the sense that you don’t want to potentially cause yourself grief from a possibly innocent and normal situation.

OP,

Classist comments aside, I do see where you’re coming from in the sense that you don’t want to potentially cause yourself grief from a possibly innocent and normal situation.

I would suggest making logs of when the screaming takes place. E.g does it happen more when dad is home? Or more when he is absent? Do they go out? Is child dressed appropriately for the weather when they do go out? If you’re still concerned, please do call SS.

rather aggressive in her manner I think OP put it all wrong but the people at her and saying 'babies cry,' I think any adult knows the difference between a baby looking for food and a family struggling. And can you all really see a shy older person who probably sounds posher going into an aggressive thirty years younger lady and saying about sitting down for a chat? Come on, you all know what she meant the term working class was just unfortunate

rather aggressive in her manner I think OP put it all wrong but the people at her and saying 'babies cry,' I think any adult knows the difference between a baby looking for food and a family struggling. And can you all really see a shy older person who probably sounds poster going into an aggressive thirty years younger lady and saying about sitting down for a chat? Come on, you all know what she meant the term working class was just unfortunate

Who says the mother needs help just because he small childs screams a lot

I don't think a person would ask unless it was a worrying amount/type of crying

Social class is very different now to what it was 150 years ago - back then, you worked the fields then you were a peasant (WC) you had a profession (lawyer, doctor etc) you were MC you had a title - you were upper class.

The current school of thought according to social science is that there are three main markers of class - wealth is only one of them (and your education is not another one) the others are - cultural wealth and social wealth.

It does us no good to jump on someone for talking about class. Or pretend it doesn’t exist - that does not help people in deprived areas who aren’t afforded the same opportunities as those who are born into MC families. Class does exist and it can be measured - social scientists agree that we need to know about this in order to try and stop the incredibly unfair order of things in this country.

Great post, ethel.