Neighbour's child keeps screaming and crying

[Mango77]

In the small block of 6 flats next to our house, several days a week, for about a year. Some families are noisy, kids cry, some make a fuss about nothing, I know that and don't want to be an interfering busybody. But it's going on and on. We've lived here a year and it only stopped in the winter, not sure if we just couldn't hear cos windows were shut or poss her DH was away for a while.

I rarely see her and I'm not sure which flat she's in. At the moment we are on friendly but distant 'hello in passing' terms. If she was my age and middle-class and I was confident and drank alcohol I could go round there with a bottle of wine and say, "Are you OK? Let me babysit when it all gets too much." but she's about 30 years younger than me, I'm quite shy and don't drink, she's working-class and rather aggressive in her manner and her DP is a scary bodybuilder type. My accent makes me come across as patronising (probably I am) and she would almost certainly tell me to f**k off.

I know what you're going to say. "Phone social services."

But they would know it was us because no one else lives near enough to hear. SS would do nothing and we would be in danger from her DH. Also we want to get planning permission soon for changes to our house and they could easily stir up all the other neighbours to object. We want to live here for the rest of our lives. If I report her, we WILL have to move, probably after years of hell from her.

AIBU to do nothing? WWYD?

#MargotLeadbetter

Is the mum or dad shouting back at the child or is it just the child shouting and screaming? Can you hear what they are saying? Do the parents scream and shout at each other?

If you can answer these questions I'd give the nspcc helpline a ring and discuss it with them. They can then decide what to do with the information.

I don't care about all these stupid social classes. What I care about is whether you're a decent person or not.

I understand OP. And I think Mumsnet has neatly demonstrated why you’re right to be wary of coming across the wrong way.

I’d start by trying some form of connection. When you see her smile and say hello. Maybe moan about the weather. See if you can make enough connection to offer cakes or babysitting.

Actually I was ready to call OP a raging snob with her working class comment but reading on I am not so sure she is . She wants to help but her fears are of her own approach, accent,etc etc . OP sometimes MC and WC can work , its a bit like Never the Twain shall meet but when they DO it sometimes works.
Go round to the neighbour with your wine OP ..You might be surprised.

Why not take some toys round and say you no longer need them (for whatever reason) and would the child like them? Duplo, puzzles, books, etc. You might be able to get chatting on a positive note this way.

I have a 3 year old. This morning she threw a tantrum because she accidentally hurt her dad and we told her to say sorry. Then she threw one because the old wellies don’t fit.
Last night she screamed blue murder because we used the wrong toothpaste on the wrong toothbrush and because it was bedtime.
Kids of this age can take annoyance at anything and everything

If there a six flats in the block, why would a complaint necessarily have come from you?

www.boredpanda.com/funny-reasons-why-kids-cry/

Op i do get what you are saying .I think you mean well but unfortunately it has come across as being snobby and i don't think you meant it too. Emotive subject social classes and written wrong it can get a response. For what it's worth i am working class and if you didn't know me i can come across as very unapproachable but i have a strong group of friends mostly working class but also what i would term middle class .Unless you are really sure there is real risk of abuse i wouldn't call ss called unnecessarily depending on who you get they can cause real upset when there is no concern .I agree with a previous poster you could always get some cake and just pop round introduce yourself , say you live in one the other flats and just would like to introduce yourself , also you could say you wonder if the children would like some .You have two chances either she will be completely unfriendly or she may say come in for a cup of tea .I have friends of all ages it isn't a barrier .Good luck .

My downstairs neighbours have a child that screams bloody murder at odd hours.
They seem perfectly happy and I have never mentioned it.

DS used to cry as he fell asleep with a heartbreaking cry just before he nodded off. (for anyone thinking of telling me off for "letting him cry to sleep", it wasn't like that, and I later realised that he cried when he wanted to sleep but couldn't, such as having to interrupt his sleep to go to the toilet )

Some children just throw huge tantrums.

And in fact, I'd be more concerned about the really quiet children who've learnt not to make noises.

Most of those things don’t make you middle class you colossal dimwit. Middle class isn’t a personality trait, it isn’t something passed down through family name (unless very rich and a member of the gentry), and it has nothing to do with what school you went to or the accent you have. It’s a socio-economic position, many times people miss-class themselves purely because they feel ‘posher’ than they actually are.

It is a socio-economic position, exactly. It is NOT defined solely by whether you have money or not. Which is why class bashing is a form of bigotry because people are very often not responsible for their class. Perhaps google?

Oh dear. Such a lot of abuse.
But to answer, the best thing here is to do nothing.
Be pleasant to the woman if you see her, and leave it at that.

Forgetting the class thing, could you start by extending your conversation from just a hello in passing? Like "How's that gorgeous little boy/girl doing? I often see him/her walking down the road with you, and think 'what a lovely child'. " That's how friendships begin, and you never know, it could lead on to a conversation about temper tantrums or autism, and might put your mind at rest.

Also, OP, as a note for the future, leave any mentions of class out of your posts. It's a huge MN minefield.

In case you haven't realised yet.

In any case, I really doubt any middle class woman you were on "hello" basis would appreciate you showing up with any drink offering to help with her child. I.e. criticising her parenting.

Have you not read any MN threads about unwelcome parenting advice?

Oh Mango! The minute you mentioned class this thread was never going to end well. If it was me, I would just have a conversation with her...

People need to calm down about the class thing. I think OP has worded it badly but I understand what she means.

OP, just bite the bullet and go round. Make an excuse - someone mentioned dropping off old toys for the kids, that's a great idea.

She might be fine and it's all just nothing but a particularly loud and whingey child, but if it's something more sinister then you could be a life line for her.

My dd has sn...honestly, when she was younger, she could scream for hours over the smallest things, like not being able to find a piece of Lego. I used to be really worried my neighbours would think I was some kind of monster! In reality, I was desperately looking for the piece of Lego whilst trying to calm her down!

It is funny, though, because, OP, if you perceived her as middle class you'd offer to help, but perceiving her as working class you think of reporting her.

Not sure if the partner is scary or scary because he looks like a body builder.
Just be happy that body builders are not your usual MN users.

What a twatty sounding OP

Yes, incredibly twatty first post.

My three year old screams like he’s being butchered every time he is even moderately displeased. If someone called ss I would be rather bemused.

I have to say, my ds cries several times a day at age 5 and he will say I hurt him, when I just held his hand or arm (gently), but he will scream and cry I hurt him during a tantrum. When he was younger, if I had to wash his hair he would scream bloody murder like I was torturing him. I only washed his hair once every month or so because he screamed so much. Luckily he now doesn't mind getting his hair washed. Some kids cry easily and for everything. My dd also cried many times a day and had tantrums when she was younger. She outgrew it by age 4. So unless you have some more evidence that something is actually wrong, I would not contact SS.

What's sad is that everyone is too busy salgging the OP off whereas the real questions is, is the child ok?

slagging