Who was being unreasonable - vegetarian or host?

[neverendingflorist]

Going to try and keep this as short as possible.

Person A invited a group of people over for dinner, including person B who is a vegetarian. A didn't know B was a vegetarian at the time, but B let A know when accepting the invite. A said this was fine. A made lasagna for everyone for dinner, subbing the meat out for roasted veggies for B to make a separate dish. When dinner came round A explained to B what she had made for her and explained what it contained including parmesan cheese. B said sorry, she could not eat it as parmesan is not vegetarian. A said B should have really told her she could not eat parmesan as A thought vegetarians could eat cheese and wouldn't be expected to know these things as she hasn't cooked for vegetarians before. B said lots of things are not vegetarian that aren't just meat/fish and it would take forever to make a list of all things including which cheeses she could/couldn't eat. A thinks B has been very rude and B thinks A has been a poor host.

So who was being unreasonable? I am aware this is pretty much a non-event and should not have escalated in to a big disagreement, but I am interested on general opinions.

Tigertooth, I’m guessing you haven’t read the thread, and the many patient (and not so patient) explanations about Parmesan!

ShowMeTheKittens

Most people know that cheese contains animal rennet unless labelled vegetarian

No, no, and no..... read the thread and you will see this ISN'T the case!

And it's not about omnivores being ignorant, it's the fact that they really aren't that interested in the finer points of a vegetarian diet until confronted with it by a guest who is invited to dinner and then announces (usually at the last minute in my humble experience!) they are vegetarian.

....A thought they were doing good, B thpight they could do better. Meh, the pair should get a grip and accept it was a geniune mistake, both could have done things differently.

Vegetarians don’t want to eat the stomach lining of a cow, it’s disgusting-no one should want to eat it

Ooh I do - I love a haribo, and a bit of Parmesan. Yummy.😀

B should have eaten what she was given.or gone hungry,far too much silliness about all this. Do not wan't any finicky eaters coming to my house !

FFS, just eat the salad or bread or something if you 'can't' eat the main bit

What a fuss people make about food, it's just one bloody meal

Take your own food...if it means much and drink...!!

Did B have any wine by any chance?

Mrs Blondie. You can't be part time vegetarian! (Even though the dairy industry is every bit as cruel as the meat industry).

Agree...

My husband and son don't hate vegetarians! We have lots of friends who are variously vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian and any manner of other eating choices. We always try to cater for everyone's eating preferences. But on the subject of Parmesan, they just don't know very very much about cheese or its production. Ignorance may be no excuse, but the trouble with not knowing something is that you don't know you don't know it. We can't possibly go out of our way to learn something we don't know we don't know.

Vegetarians eat cheese it’s vegans that don’t.

Tbh I can’t be arsed keeping up with a million tiny varieties in different kinds of vegetarianism. If someone I’m cooking for me vegetarian these days they get something vegan-friendly with no dairy whatsoever. It’s just less hassle.

Neither have done anything wrong. A shouldn't be expected to understand the ins and outs of vegetarianism (though I am shocked how many people didn't realise veggies can't eat all cheeses or gelatine products) and B shouldn't be expected to eat something containing animal products if she's against it. At a push, A could have done more research or checked if the dish was ok beforehand and B could have attempted to eat the bit without cheese. Really not a big deal.

Vegetarians eat cheese it’s vegans that don’t

Ahhh, but which cheeses? Therein lies the rub. . .

*if someone I’m cooking for tells me they’re vegetarian. Sack of shit ipad.

B is BU because she was rude.

If it was a vegan mistake it would be more understanding, but being vegetarian is far from totally ethical
No one is “totally ethical”. I think being vegan is ideal when it comes to animal rights but not necessarily human or environmental ones. It is not possible to be completely ethical in every decision we make. (Interesting episode of The Good Place on this!)

I've gone to people's houses and eaten food that I detested ,e.g, aubergines, because I didn't specifically tell them about my intense dislike for them.

B was unkind IMO, because A genuinely didn't know that Parmesan wasn't vegetarian and had tried to accommodate her dietary requirements. If she was actually allergic to an ingredient and would've become ill if she ate it, fair enough. But assuming that a non-vegetarian has detailed knowledge of cheeses is a bit much.

Glad I now know that Parmesan isn't vegetarian, because I had no clue before.

I think I'd been a veggie for over two years before I realised that Parmesan wasn't veggie. 😳

It's pretty unrealistic for a vegetarian to have to send a list of everything that may be confused for a vegetarian product to a dinner host, and id feel very rude sending a list.

I don't think anyone was being unreasonable in this case. The veggie should have been visibly very grateful that the host had tried to cater for her, even though it was a failure, and eaten whatever she felt she could, even if only the veg and bread, without making a fuss. She wasn't going to starve for one night!

Vegetarian was rude. There is a tiny amount of rennet added to milk to form the curd, and the Parmesan is a tiny portion of the overall dish. For the sake of politeness she could have eaten it, we all make compromises all the time in order to get along with our fellow humans (well, some of us do anyway!). If the vegetarian is not prepared to allow a molecule of her non preferred diet pass her lips she should save her hosts the bother and take her own meal.

“B was unkind IMO, because A genuinely didn't know that Parmesan wasn't vegetarian and had tried to accommodate her dietary requirements.”

But B appreciated that and was apologetic when she explained.....

Sara if there was only a tiny bit of dog in your food, would you still eat it?
Or human, perhaps? If you think it’s wrong to consume dead animals that means all dead animals!

Fair enough, but I'd have eaten a bit just to show I appreciated her efforts.

I still remember the aubergine curry I choked down because the host had made it from scratch. It would never have occurred to me not to give it a try.

B is very rude. A tried to cater for B and made an honest mistake and is totally not a bad host- she went to the trouble of making another lasagne. I think it's far from common knowledge that Parmesan isn't vegetarian (I'd expect the average person to know not to serve cheese to a vegan) I think that if you did a Family Fortunes style survey of course 100 meat eaters then a big majority would assume that meat and fish were the only things that veggies didn't eat. I didn't know about gelatine until I was well into adulthood.

I sympathise with B that she was probably hungry and this is probably not the first time that a host made a mistake.