Who was being unreasonable - vegetarian or host?

[neverendingflorist]

Going to try and keep this as short as possible.

Person A invited a group of people over for dinner, including person B who is a vegetarian. A didn't know B was a vegetarian at the time, but B let A know when accepting the invite. A said this was fine. A made lasagna for everyone for dinner, subbing the meat out for roasted veggies for B to make a separate dish. When dinner came round A explained to B what she had made for her and explained what it contained including parmesan cheese. B said sorry, she could not eat it as parmesan is not vegetarian. A said B should have really told her she could not eat parmesan as A thought vegetarians could eat cheese and wouldn't be expected to know these things as she hasn't cooked for vegetarians before. B said lots of things are not vegetarian that aren't just meat/fish and it would take forever to make a list of all things including which cheeses she could/couldn't eat. A thinks B has been very rude and B thinks A has been a poor host.

So who was being unreasonable? I am aware this is pretty much a non-event and should not have escalated in to a big disagreement, but I am interested on general opinions.

There are eggs in some

Eggs in some what? Parmesan has a protected status and the recipe has to be followed strictly to qualify for being called Parmesan. So either the protected recipe contains eggs, or it doesn’t

Some parmesan or hard cheese types you get in tubs does have eggs in or been exposed to eggs and says as much on the labelling.
Not got any to hand, but I know from experience it does.

Dont be silly Lime you can have mild allergies
Yes, you can but if you're willing to suck up the consequences the next few days that sounds like an intolerance more than an allergy - an allergy however mild wouldn't allow you to suck it up and just go ahead anyway.

happy to be corrected with a link. I don’t eat it anyway but I’m still curious.

Haven't a link but quoted directly off the hunk of M&S parmesan in my fridge.

*minority

Omnivores think vegetarians just don't eat meat. It's that simple.

We, speak for yourself FionasWineShow

I am a dyed-in-the -wool omnivore and I understand exactly what vegetarians do and don’t eat because I take an interest in the world beyond the end of my own nose.

Dh is allergic to nuts - I told the host but she forgot and put pistachios into the pudding... I ate one mouthful and knew immediately, fortunately the nuts were still in their whole form and I elbowed him, we didn't say anything. When I was veggie we went to a BBQ at one of Dh's friend's houses - they cooked the sweetcorn (bought especially for me) along with meat - dh ate my share so they wouldn't notice - he doesn't even like sweetcorn!

The wording is: "Lysozyme (eggs)".
You're also told the milk is unpasteurised.
Nothing about rennet.

Where’s this wording from?

My googling has turned up a reference to the difference between Parmesan and Grana Padano being that the latter contains lysozyme, while Parmesan doesn’t.

“what vegetarians do and don't eat probably isn't something they would take much notice of. ”
Yes, i’m sure that’s true. So if you are cooking for a vegetarian for the first time you would read the packets, surely?

You might look at the packet to check that something doesn't contain meat but no one would think that cheese contains meat would they so why look? I know that cheese contains rennet which is an animal product as some people in my family are vegetarian but it's not obvious at all. In remember in the 80s not every "vegetarian" knew this let alone meat eaters. Why would it be on the radar of a meat eater unless they normally cook for vegetarians?

As I said, you have to look for "Suitable for vegetarians" on the packaging. There's no real reason for an omnivore to know this unless they've picked it up through reading or, like me, have vegetarians/vegans in the family.

Exactly, it doesn't say on the packaging, you wouldn't know.
I only know as DH has been a strict veggie for over 20 years and have picked it up - meat eaters really wouldn't automatically know as cheese is veggie (or at least you'd think!)
You wouldn't know it had animal products in.
I'd a while back been "it's cheese, how the bloody hell does it have meat in it?"
I know more now though.

Dreadful lack of manners. I hope A said you can leave now, thanks for coming, bye.

Sorry Lime but that's just not true. Really. Its not a case of intolerance = mild, allergy = serious. What do you actually think intolerances are anyway? They're bodily responses mediated by different parts of the immune system.

I guess I was an extra ignorant veggie all those years then.

I've just learnt from this thread that Parmesan isn't veggie.

I went veggie in my late teens and it was not until my mid twenties that I discovered that jelly sweets had gelatine in. And jelly too.

I remember how I used to scan packaging for the ingredients to things after that, because it upset me that I'd got it so wrong.

We've been using vegan cheese at home for years now anyway, because I'm dairy intolerant but FFS I never had any reason to check cheese out. You just don't.

because I take an interest in the world beyond the end of my own nose

As do I. That interest just doesn't extend to, um, rennet.

Disclaimer to avoid hyperventilating in the front rows: I know there are some cheeses that vegetarians can't eat, I just don't care know off the top of my head.

Sorry, didn’t see your post Lamarschallin.

I googled ingredients of M&S Parmesan and it showed this image on their website. I’m not being goady, just wondering which M&S Parmesan you have that contains an ingredient derived from eggs that is not in the protected recipe specification.

“ I just don't care know off the top of my head.”

Neither do I. Which is why I would check the packet.

...and there you go.

Even actual vegetarians aren't all aware.

Sorry Lime but that's just not true. Really. Its not a case of intolerance = mild, allergy = serious. What do you actually think intolerances are anyway? They're bodily responses mediated by different parts of the immune system

Not getting into an allergy v intolerance discussion as they're both real.
All I was saying is if you're willing to suck up consequences the next day (whether that be the shits or whatever lol) sounds like an intolerance not an allergy. I have both.
They're alike but not the same.

Neither do I. Which is why I would check the packet.

And if it's not meat, many non-veggies wouldn't even think to check. As has been said ad nauseam.

Neither do I. Which is why I would check the packet

The packet doesn't say though, that's the point lol!
You wouldn't know.

Tell that to Betrand, Lime.

If I discovered that someone had been ill for days because they felt they couldn’t tell me they were allergic to something I had eaten I would be mortified

“Tell that to Betrand, Lime.”

If it doesn’t say it’s suitable for vegetarians, it isn’t.

If I went to someone's house and they'd taken the time to prepare food especially for my dietary requirements, and it still wasn't suitable (because I hadn't advised them of something they'd be unlikely to know about), such that I couldn't eat it, I would be mortified.

I've got a loaf of wholegrain bread in the fridge that doesn't say 'suitable for vegetarians'.

Is there something in it that I should be aware of?

@FamilyOfAliens

Dunno. But if it doesn’t say suitable for vegetarians it isn’t.

And yes, if somebody went to great legnrhs to accommodate one of my non existent dietary requirements and made a mistake so that I couldn’t eat it, i’d be mortified and embarrassed and apologetic too. I still wouldn’t eat it.