Who was being unreasonable - vegetarian or host?

[neverendingflorist]

Going to try and keep this as short as possible.

Person A invited a group of people over for dinner, including person B who is a vegetarian. A didn't know B was a vegetarian at the time, but B let A know when accepting the invite. A said this was fine. A made lasagna for everyone for dinner, subbing the meat out for roasted veggies for B to make a separate dish. When dinner came round A explained to B what she had made for her and explained what it contained including parmesan cheese. B said sorry, she could not eat it as parmesan is not vegetarian. A said B should have really told her she could not eat parmesan as A thought vegetarians could eat cheese and wouldn't be expected to know these things as she hasn't cooked for vegetarians before. B said lots of things are not vegetarian that aren't just meat/fish and it would take forever to make a list of all things including which cheeses she could/couldn't eat. A thinks B has been very rude and B thinks A has been a poor host.

So who was being unreasonable? I am aware this is pretty much a non-event and should not have escalated in to a big disagreement, but I am interested on general opinions.

Oh, that’s a tough one. I am vegan and know what a total PITA that is. Therefore I always offer to bring a dish.

I don’t think anyone is unreasonable. But if I was B I would have just eaten the filling and left the sheets of pasta with cheese on. Maybe filled up on bread / salad and not made a big deal of it.

Surely it’s reasonable to assume that your host has not just time travelled from 1940, and would know to read the packet?

Surely it is not unreasonable to assume that not all meat eaters would know they need to look at the ingredients on a packet of cheese. If someone thinks vegetarians = no meat why would they read the packet on cheese? They would expect there to be meat in it would they?

would wouldn't

Does B realise that cows have to be pregnant to produce milk and therefore the male 50% of the calves born have to be slaughtered?
That's not true.

I am vegetarian and I would have eaten it.

Then you’re not vegetarian, brim.

You eat some animal products, but not actual meat.

A made an honest mistake and tried their brat to be a good host.B should have been gracious about it and kept quiet but on another occasion perhaps mentioned their strict requirements.

“ If someone thinks vegetarians = no meat why would they read the packet on cheese? They would expect there to be meat in it would they?“

Well, if they’ve lived under a rock for 20 years, then yes.

You can get vegetarian Parmesan

No, you can’t. You can get vegetarian hard Italian cheese that’s a good substitute though.

@GraceSlicksRabbit Yes! She thought it would be ok seeing as it wasn’t ‘solid’ meat. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m glad she asked otherwise she might be on Mumsnet moaning that I wouldn’t eat the meal she slaved over and I wouldn’t eat. 😁

I don't think either were really UR. I understand bother we're disappointed A due to effort and B left without a meal. A little learning curve for both. A now knows to check ingredients more closely when hosting and B knows to mention common foods like Parmesan are not suitable. They don't have to give a whole list just remind hosts to check as there are lots of hidden items and give a couple of common examples. For the record there are a number of veggie Haribos so those abstaining can now go forth and enjoy 😆

I’ve got no Parmesan at the moment but I do have feta and mozzarella. For future reference- if it doesn’t have a little green symbol it’s not vegetarian.

B was incredibly rude. It wouldn't have killed her to hust be gracious and eat it, recognising that A had gone to a lot of effort to try and cater for her.
I have coeliac disease, so have to eat gluten free or it makes me quite unwell. But if a friend tried to cook gluten free for me and doesn't realise that I can't have (e.g.) soy sauce, or I need my butter from a separate block that doesn't have any rogue breadcrumbs in it, I'll let them know for next time but will suck it up, be grateful for the effort they've made, and deal with feeling unwell the next day.
Vegetarianism is just a lifestyle choice. Person B must have very few friends if she's so obnoxious about it.

Oh and, referring to a pp- halloumi.

Oh yes it’s called Italian style hard cheese

Meh it’s a minefield. I had to give up cheese and onion and Worcester sauce crisps when I was a vegetarian in the 90s

Well, if they’ve lived under a rock for 20 years, then yes.

You don't have to live under a rock. If someone is a meat eater and doesn't have any close friends or family who are vegetarians what vegetarians do and don't eat probably isn't something they would take much notice of. I bet if you did a survey of meat eaters many wouldn't know that vegetarians don't eat all cheese.

And apparently magnums aren’t vegetarian

Apart from vegan ones

Jonnypocket do you think a real friend would rather you ate their food, or that you weren’t ill?
In the case of vegetarianism, I’m not convinced there are no ill effects - I’ve been one a very long time and I can still remember the times I have accidentally had something with meat in it over the years. When dh does, he is always sick after - whether that’s physical or psychological I cannot say, either way he vomits. A life long veggie is even more likely to not be able to cope with the addition of meat to their food.

JonnyPocketRocket that is insanely English- eating food that makes you unwell just to be polite! I can’t imagine any host would be offended if you explained.

I am vegetarian and would not have eaten that.

Parmesan is one of the cheese that is always non-vegetarian as it is made from animal rennet.

“what vegetarians do and don't eat probably isn't something they would take much notice of. ”
Yes, i’m sure that’s true. So if you are cooking for a vegetarian for the first time you would read the packets, surely?

I didn't realise so many people wouldn't know that parmesan contains rennet, I'm not vegetarian but until this thread I would've assumed most people would know this. I think the polite thing to do would've been for A to message B and say I'm making lasagne for everyone, I was planning vegetable lasagne for you, is that ok? To which b would've replied yes that's lovely, as long as it doesn't have parmesan, because parmesan isn't vegetarian. A would've replied 'oh really I had no idea'. It all would've been fine. I think if you host you go out of your way to accommodate guests. You chose to invite them.