Who was being unreasonable - vegetarian or host?

[neverendingflorist]

Going to try and keep this as short as possible.

Person A invited a group of people over for dinner, including person B who is a vegetarian. A didn't know B was a vegetarian at the time, but B let A know when accepting the invite. A said this was fine. A made lasagna for everyone for dinner, subbing the meat out for roasted veggies for B to make a separate dish. When dinner came round A explained to B what she had made for her and explained what it contained including parmesan cheese. B said sorry, she could not eat it as parmesan is not vegetarian. A said B should have really told her she could not eat parmesan as A thought vegetarians could eat cheese and wouldn't be expected to know these things as she hasn't cooked for vegetarians before. B said lots of things are not vegetarian that aren't just meat/fish and it would take forever to make a list of all things including which cheeses she could/couldn't eat. A thinks B has been very rude and B thinks A has been a poor host.

So who was being unreasonable? I am aware this is pretty much a non-event and should not have escalated in to a big disagreement, but I am interested on general opinions.

then they should have been gracious and polite about it and ultimately made peace with the fact it was their choice they were going hungry.

That's what they didpeople are so desperate to paint B as rude and entitled when literally all they did was apologetically tell A that they couldn't eat it because it wasn't vegetarian.

I would be very embarrassed as person A and would whip something up. As person B - as I have been on several occasions with dh's friends - when we first got together - I have faked it - dh has eaten my food or I have faked illness - anything but complain that the food is not right but those nights that I had awful food stand out for their hilarity for dh trying to eat my food and for how miserable they felt - I was hungry all evening and then on the way home we'd be desperately seeking a take away!

From the Vegetarian Society website:

The key ingredient to watch out for in cheese is animal rennet. Food labelling laws in the UK mean that labels do not always require processing agents to be listed, of which animal rennet is one.

Manufacturers are not required by law to label products for vegetarians. If they do apply labels, they do so voluntarily. This is why labelling can be inconsistent and unclear. Look for a ‘suitable for vegetarians’ or ‘V’ label to be sure a product is veggie-friendly.For complete confidence in a cheese being vegetarian or vegan, look out for the Vegetarian Society Approved vegetarian and vegan trademarks. We have over 100 specially checked cheeses and dairy alternatives for you to enjoy.

A lot of people without experience of vegetarians could check labels unceasingly and still get it wrong.
A lot of people might think as long as they've checked food labels they've done all that is necessary.
I don't think that's unreasonable.

@TacoLover unfortunately vegetarians and vegans are regularly painted as rude and demanding. As per the rude pp telling us it's a choice so she should have just eaten it. I mean it's not like an allergy is it??

Attitudes on here make me sick sometimes. People jumping in when they haven't even read the OP properly!!

It’s really not that difficult to check packets/labels to be sure it’s veggie friendly.... Parmesan isn’t. As a veggie I wouldn’t have eaten it.

I think it is a lot of work when doing a dinner party to check the ingredients of everything you might use. I do for those who are strict vegetarians, but it does add to the workload.
And ingredient lists are not enough. White processed sugar ingredients lists give you no clue that it is not vegetarian.

@GinUnicorn I find your comments hypocritical. I assume you consume dairy and eggs? How do you justify that?

@givemesteel There’s loads of places veggies can eat, literally everywhere caters for vegetarians. I’m one. I have no problems eating out. I don’t have problems going to dinner parties either as people check ingredients...

It’s really not that difficult to check packets/labels to be sure it’s veggie friendly.... Parmesan isn’t. As a veggie I wouldn’t have eaten it. I agree next time the veggie is coming to dinner pick up a ready meal for them and just check the packet/labels..that's dead easy!

@jennymanara if it’s not suitable for veggies it will literally tell you... stuff suitable for veggies has it on the packet. Parmesan isn’t veggie, same why marshmallow isn’t.

@NationalAnthem I’d be more than happy with that.

I am vegetarian and I think B was a bit rude. You can’t expect a meat eater to know that parmesan is not vegetarian. A made an effort to accommodate. B needs to be clear next time about what she/he can or can’t eat.

I agree next time the veggie is coming to dinner pick up a ready meal for them and just check the packet/labels..that's dead easy!

Yes, I guess you could do that if you’re a shit cook with no imagination.

@NationalAnthem I’d be more than happy with that. I was veggie for 25 years. We all have our standards and while I was veggie I ate my fair share of the shit stuff - processed food is rarely a treat - it's rarely even edible!

@NationalAnthem Sainsbury’s and Waitrose do some amazing veggie and also vegan meals. 👌🏼

Yes but when you are veggie you have eaten them to death - they dull as hell. They are like mushroom risotto, veggie chilli/ lasagne/bolognaise/stirfry/ - DULL! Had them all too many times and mostly they were shit when home made but shop bought was even worse!

@NationalAnthem nah. Sainsbury’s do this onion bhaji curry and also a Katsu curry and it’s all vegan. I’m really not a fussy eater though so what I can say.

I am not veggie but would not have eaten the parmesan either due to a diet I follow. I think B should have told A beforehand that she is a strict vegetarian and that particular foods including certain cheeses are off the menu. It is unfair to expect A to know that as many vegetarian posters have said they would have just eaten it. A however could have whipped up something else, as a host you would want to give your guests food options and be hospitable. So both being a bit unreasonable but B perhaps more so. The onus is really on you when you follow a particular diet to tell people what you can or can't eat.

MagpieTree I don't eat eggs because our belief is that life begins with an egg and therefore we dont consume eggs. I believe the argument regarding eating eggs and dairy is that no animal was killed for the product you are consuming and nor are you consuming flesh. For the cheese, an animal is slaughtered to extract the stomach required to make the rennet, so an animal has had to die. Vegans on the other hand refuse to consume either

So, I’m a long time vegetarian. I call myself a strict vegetarian ie no rennet, gelatine, etc. The more correct description of my vegetarianism is an ethical vegetarian but I find this more difficult to explain to others so saying strict is easier. Long story short, I’d have eaten the lasagne. The rennet has already been used, albeit in error. To not eat it would be churlish. The deed has been done and the animal won’t be undead if I refuse. It would be a waste of resources to throw it away or eat an alternative. Just as I might eat leftovers containing meat from my children’s meals if it meant not cooking another meal that day. The meat wasn’t killed for me. I haven’t contributed to the meat industry, I can live with that on my conscience.

Six of one...but I wouldn't necessarily expect a lasagne to have Parmesan in it, maybe just me?! If someone has gone to the effort of cooking an extra meal specifically for me that I cannot eat, I would apologise profusely and politely decline. Certain ingredients are grey areas though, I made pesto pasta for a bbq once and when my veggie SIL piled it on her plate I told her it wasn't veggie and she just shrugged and ate it anyway!

The host was rude. You can't make someone just be polite and eat food that's against their beliefs. I would've checked beforehand - thought the Parmesan things was quite common knowledge.

And I'm not vegetarian

I'm vegan and to prevent something like this happening I always bring my own food, I trust nobody and I am sure my friends are relieved not to have to worry. It is my choice to be vegan and I won't have others going out of their way to feed me.

Don't worry love I wouldn't accept an invitation from someone like you anyway. I prefer to keep the company of slightly more respectful and kind people.

I'm with you, was thinking glad my friends not like that but then realised the kind of friends who are like that are not people I'd want anything to do with...besides which most of my friends are veggie and vegan...Also for those moaning on about milk and dairy a number of vegetarians don't eat those either. It's only lacto-vegetarians who do...I drink soya milk and eat vegan cheese but I eat eggs as supplied from a reliable local organic free-range supplier...as well as a friend who keeps hens. But even those who do are still doing more for the planet than those who eat meat. But on MN anyone who actually acts on a belief or does anything environmentally sound or in support of animal welfare is automatically wrong, it seems that plastic bags are the only thing we're allowed to avoid, lest others feel bad! Also know vegetarians who are Jains and/or Hindu but seems, like Brexit, they're also expected to go along with the white majority.