Who was being unreasonable - vegetarian or host?

[neverendingflorist]

Going to try and keep this as short as possible.

Person A invited a group of people over for dinner, including person B who is a vegetarian. A didn't know B was a vegetarian at the time, but B let A know when accepting the invite. A said this was fine. A made lasagna for everyone for dinner, subbing the meat out for roasted veggies for B to make a separate dish. When dinner came round A explained to B what she had made for her and explained what it contained including parmesan cheese. B said sorry, she could not eat it as parmesan is not vegetarian. A said B should have really told her she could not eat parmesan as A thought vegetarians could eat cheese and wouldn't be expected to know these things as she hasn't cooked for vegetarians before. B said lots of things are not vegetarian that aren't just meat/fish and it would take forever to make a list of all things including which cheeses she could/couldn't eat. A thinks B has been very rude and B thinks A has been a poor host.

So who was being unreasonable? I am aware this is pretty much a non-event and should not have escalated in to a big disagreement, but I am interested on general opinions.

A is being unreasonable, cheese has been clearly labelled in the U.K. for 20+ years with which ones are suitable for vegetarians, and Parmesan is well known to not be, unless you have been living in some carnivore bubble how could anyone not know. If I have vegans for dinner especially I check every label meticulously

Ps French onion soup is made with beef stock.

unless you have been living in some carnivore bubble how could anyone not know.

. . . aaaand - a lot of people live in an omnivore bubble. I know I do. I think I'd better give out a warning to all vegetarians and vegans I know. . .

Both are being unreasonable. A couldn't be expected to know that parmesan isn't vegetarian. However, B also can't be expected to list everything that contains meat every time she goes out for dinner, as there are quite a lot of things that do, and she'd be here all day!
When A found out that parmesan wasn't veggie, she shouldn't have had a go at B. She should have apologised, B should have accepted her apology graciously, and then they should have rustled up an omelette or something together and that should have been that.

There are LOADS of things that aren’t vegetarian. It’s ridiculous to suggest B should have told A what they are. A agreed to provide vegetarian food, B should be able to trust it IS vegetarian. There shouldn’t have been more than a few items in the meal that weren’t actual vegetables.

Now which is easier to do? List 1001 items that aren’t vegetarian, or check the labels on the few things you are putting into a vegetarian meal?

On that basis alone it’s a no brainer. ‘I didn’t know’ is a childish response. CHECK. You check in the same way I’d check if someone was celiac or didn’t eat pork products or whatever, because as the host it’s YOUR responsibility to ensure the meal is what you say it is. ‘Not knowing’ isn’t an excuse.

Knowing what A was cooking probably wouldn’t have helped anyway because I’d assume someone cooking vegetarian lasagne would have the common sense to use vegetarian cheese - it’s been around three bloody decades at least, it’s not new news!

As for people saying they’re vegetarian and didn’t know, words fail me, do you not actually do ANY reading or read labels?!

Could they not simply lift the parmesan off the top and eat the rest?

Parmesan is well known to not be, unless you have been living in some carnivore bubble how could anyone not know.

I tend to agree with this. I'm not veggie but have known this for ages and without having to do any particularly specialist research.

Honestly, when catering for folk who have certain dietary needs, I would always say 'I'm thinking of x, y, z, will this be ok?' Same if we're having kids over for dinner; as the host I will make sure what I'm cooking isn't going to be wasted effort in the event of fussy eaters or dietary needs.
I think it's great the host went to the effort of cooking a veggie option, but as someone who's never really had to cater for gluten free or low salt for instance, I think I'd make it my business to check in with guests before to make sure I was on the right tracks.
As a guest, unless very close, you'd feel a bit awks asking out right what the menu plans were, so really, it's up to the host to check in advance that the menu planned suits all needs.

So I think, on balance, it's most probably best if I don't try, and ask them to bring their own instead?

Or just fucking google it 🙄

Could they not simply lift the parmesan off the top and eat the rest?

What, like a Muslim could pick out the bacon from a sandwich? Why on earth not?

A should have just told B it was vegetarian parmesan.

What she don't know won't hurt her.

Could they not simply lift the parmesan off the top and eat the rest?

Sorry, but that reminded me of that comedy sketch that went something like "can't you just pick the ham out?"
A proper vegetarian wouldn't be able to eat anything with animal products in, not just "pick it out" or "scrape it off"

A should have just told B it was vegetarian parmesan.

What she don't know won't hurt her.

Please nobody do this, this is despicable.

Or just fucking google it

Because obviously I didn't fucking realise that there was something to google - not realising that putting parmesan in was going to give a guest a fit of the vapours - when I was a bit bloody focussed on the menu for the group of diners I had that evening. . .

A should have just told B it was vegetarian parmesan. What she don't know won't hurt her

Bloody hell, feel sorry for anyone who comes round to yours.
As someone who suffers from allergies I wouldn't be able to trust you'd give a shit if you're up to trickery if you was one of those who assumed I was just being fussy.
Crappy behaviour.

Although so far, all the vegetarians and vegans I've had come dine with me (so to speak) have eaten fish. . .

If you say you will provide a vegetarian dish for a guest, if you don’t bother to check the labels then you’ve no right to be upset when your veggie guest won’t eat your food.

As for people saying they’re vegetarian and didn’t know, words fail me, do you not actually do ANY reading or read labels?!

Thank you! Why the hell someone would call themselves vegetarian and not bother their arse educating themselves? Is it just so they join in with today’s fashion of having a label?

@thatmustbenigelwiththebrie

I told a so called mate I couldn’t eat kiwi, he picked bits of kiwi out of my fruit salad before serving it to me. My now ex mate very nearly killed me.

Views like yours are dangerous, it also shows how untrustworthy you are.

Although so far, all the vegetarians and vegans I've had come dine with me (so to speak) have eaten fish.

They’re NOT vegetarian. In polite language, they’re pescatarian, but really they’re ill educated wankers.

They’re NOT vegetarian. In polite language, they’re pescatarian

LOL I know that - but I think it would be a tad rude for me to point that out. . .

Honest mistake from A, most non vegetariens don’t know that parmesan isn’t allowed.
B could have thought about mentioning it or handled it graciously.

B was unreasonable. Most meat eaters wouldn't know that Parmesan cheese wasn't vegetarian.

A tried and understandably B couldn't eat it but I think should have given an indication of what alternative they could've had.

As a vegetarian myself, I think B is being unreasonable. I'd be so mortified for my host and just eat it.

Then again, I'd be mortified if I was the host.

Person B is unreasonable. She should tell people she’s vegan.