Who was being unreasonable - vegetarian or host?

[neverendingflorist]

Going to try and keep this as short as possible.

Person A invited a group of people over for dinner, including person B who is a vegetarian. A didn't know B was a vegetarian at the time, but B let A know when accepting the invite. A said this was fine. A made lasagna for everyone for dinner, subbing the meat out for roasted veggies for B to make a separate dish. When dinner came round A explained to B what she had made for her and explained what it contained including parmesan cheese. B said sorry, she could not eat it as parmesan is not vegetarian. A said B should have really told her she could not eat parmesan as A thought vegetarians could eat cheese and wouldn't be expected to know these things as she hasn't cooked for vegetarians before. B said lots of things are not vegetarian that aren't just meat/fish and it would take forever to make a list of all things including which cheeses she could/couldn't eat. A thinks B has been very rude and B thinks A has been a poor host.

So who was being unreasonable? I am aware this is pretty much a non-event and should not have escalated in to a big disagreement, but I am interested on general opinions.

Vegetarians don't eat meat

Or fish.

Or products derived from dead animals or fish.

It really isn't hard to Google 'vegetarian recipes'

@RedToothBrush I’m married to a vege. I couldn’t be friends with someone that rude or ungracious.

Not read all the replies as there's 14 pages but parmesan isn't vegetarian. Think it's the animal rennet in it.
Not a lot of people know that though, especially if they're new to vegetarian food so I can understand why the host is peed off if they've done a special dinner.
I'd chalk it up to experience and file it under I'll Know Better For Next Time

I thought most people knew that vegetarians don't eat most cheeses. I would have eating it had it contained another cheese but not parmesan because it is vile

I think B was very rude and precious. I'm a vegetarian and if someone catered especially for me and the meal included parmasan I would say thank you and eat if. If I felt very strongly about it I would have explained to my host BEFORE they went to the trouble of shopping and cooking for me. As this thread has shown even many vegetarians don't know that parmasan contains rennet so how would a meat eater know? I know many vegetarians and not one of them would have refused the meal. If I really felt I couldn't eat it I would feel guilty that the host had gone to all that wasted trouble for me. I'd be very apologetic. I would NOT be annoyed or feeling they were rude!!!

I’m a vegetarian, that means I don’t eat dead animals, A tried to feed a vegetarian parts of a dead animal. A should have asked if they were unsure. Parmesan packets clearly say they contain calfs rennet, everyone knows that a calf is an animal, everyone knows that a calf cannot lactate, so they know it cannot be a dairy product.

I thought most people knew that vegetarians don't eat most cheeses.

Most cheeses people buy in the UK are suitable for vegetarians.

@MagicKingdomDizzy
B is being unreasonable. Vegetarians don't eat meat. If B doesn't eat cheese then she should have made that clear. Most people would expect vegetarians to eat cheese

No, vegetarians don't eat animal produce. So meat/fish/gelatine etc.
Parmesan falls into the animal products because of the animal rennet in it.
I'm not at all veggie by the way, just DH has been one for over 20 years so know about this stuff lol

I didn't know parmesan wasnt vegetarian. I would have made same mistake as a

I never understand why vegetarians get so hufty about this when they consume dairy which, if I have understood correctly, involves the death of male calves. Frankly, what the difference between that and any other by product is I don't know.

Sounds like a genuine mistake to me.
However, if I wanted to be really picky, I could point out that vegetarian rennet was developed by replacing DNA in genetically modified bacteria with chymosin DNA from a calf to make them produce synthetic chymosin, so if you go back far enough, is that really vegetarian?

FamilyOfAliens

But if she searched for a vegetarian recipe and it included Parmesan WHY wouldn’t she assume that recipe was OK for a vegetarian?

The problem is that people who have dietary & lifestyle preferences have a mental set on them and are highly attuned to their needs and are very knowledgeable, other people aren’t.

B wasn't rude. I'm a lifelong vegetarian and wouldn't have been able to eat it. I wouldn't have made a fuss, I'd have told A how much I appreciated the effort but as a vegetarian it isn't a vegetarian meal. If anyone's interested, Asda smartprice Italian hard Cheese is vegetarian

I never understand why vegetarians get so hufty about this when they consume dairy which, if I have understood correctly, involves the death of male calves. Frankly, what the difference between that and any other by product is I don't know.

Thanks for sharing that never-before mentioned fact to vegetarians.

B was unreasonable, massively.

Fucks sake, unless A is checking the label for every single item she puts into a recipe, it's pretty bloody easy to miss that Parmesan contains rennet. And frankly, if she's catering to a group of people, I'm sure she had bigger things on her mind.

B is a vegetarian that eats cheese, she should have been clear that this doesn't include Parmesan.

And how about being fucking grateful to her host. Jesus...

But if she searched for a vegetarian recipe and it included Parmesan WHY wouldn’t she assume that recipe was OK for a vegetarian?

If she did the search I suggested first, and found out that Parmesan contains an ingredient from a calf’s stomach, she’d know that any recipe containing Parmesan would have to be made with an alternative Italian hard cheese.

I'm not vegetarian, just pointing out vegetarian rennet ultimately came from animals.
You can get an artichoke based rennet substitute, but not really used as it doesn't work well

Most vegetarian rennet is the artichoke or netttle-based one.

B was rude, but maybe A should have checked with B before making the dish. I wonder if B is a true vegetarian at all times or just when it suits like many are.

B wasn't unreasonable by neither was A really. A should've said to B what she was planning so B had chance to raise any issues. I think it's mainly a misunderstanding tbh.

Your OP doesn’t say the vegetarian was very apologetic, it says they think host was inhospitable.
If vegetarian (sorry can’t keep up with who is A and who is B!) was apologetic, said “awfully sorry, afraid I won’t (it is won’t not can’t after all!) eat that but am very happy with salad/ garlic bread/ egg and oven chips/ pizza from freezer/ big portion of pudding and extra wine!” Then went home and said “so kind of host to make special dish for me, what a shame it had non veggie cheese, oh well she’ll know for next time, it was a lovely evening” would you be posting?
Both parties seem determined to be difficult - do they not actually like each other?

B was rude. I’m vegetarian but I wouldn’t fuss over that. It won’t kill her will it
You are NOT a vegetarian if this is your attitude, more you like saying you are but don’t actually follow through.

Neither are unreasonable a. Can't be expected to know that not all cheese is veggie and b. Shouldn't be expected to eat something that is against her morals. That said b could have asked a what she was cooking to double check there was nothing dodgy in it if she is that much of a strict veggie. I'm veggie and I would have eaten it

“Parmesan packets clearly say they contain calfs rennet”

Nope. Not listed anywhere on information from packaging on online grocery stores.

And back to the poster who said “why doesn’t she search ‘is Parmesan cheese suitable for vegetarians’ well, doh, if I’d looked up vegetarian recipes and 96 included Parmesan cheese then I’d (wrongly, clearly) assume it was suitable for for vegetarians!

This is why I always meet my veggie friends at pubs and restaurants! 😂

I'd have researched it. Because if I'm told something about a preference, religious choice or allergy/intolerance, I think it's only fair to inform myself, rather than assume it'll be alright.

Mind you, if there were a veggie coming to tea, I'd make a veggie (and probably vegan) meal for everybody. Omnis eat vegetables, after all - it wouldn't kill them to have something without animal products in it for a change.