To think men shouldn’t come to a breastfeeding support group?

[Sexnotgender]

It’s a group SOLELY for breastfeeding support.

I know I’m probably being a grump but a man there totally changes the dynamic.

Baby was 5 months old so not a newborn with an overwhelmed mum which I would kind of understand.

Dons tin hat...

I'm all for male partners being involved of course, but sometimes women need a female environment and this is one of those times. As someone said, a specific session would be great where men are happily accepted.

It really wouldn't bother me, when my first born was prem and in scbu I was pumping in the same room as some of the dads of other babies and opening discussing my BF struggles it with the staff while they were around and my husband was involved because I needed support from him too.
Why on earth would this guy be interested in anyone other than his own partner and child? I think it's lovely he cares enough to go and support his partner.

The one I went to they provided screens and privacy for when it was your turn - from reading the thread sounds like it’s not the case everywhere?

Men are, however, encouraged to come to all the other baby classes we attend, such as sign language, song and rhyme time, sensory, etc.

Of course they should be encouraged to these! Men should be as active as possible in the care of their children. They cannot however breastfeed and should respect that support groups need to be women only.

My husband would have run a mile in the opposite direction from something like this.

Really? Seems like a really immature reaction from a grown man.

This probably won’t go down well, but for me, one of the biggest factors to my being able to breastfeed my two children to two years each, was my husband’s support and understanding. I don’t mean to dismiss the feelings of other posters here, as I can understand why some women might feel uncomfortable having a man they do not know in the room, but I do think we need to do more to encourage and promote men’s understanding and support for their breastfeeding partners generally if we want to see rates improve.

When I had my first child it was the start of a long period of abuse at the hands of an increasingly violent and manipulative man. It took me a long time to escape. He would have relished the opportunity to come to a class like this to make sure I did not make any friends and to ensure it was well known among others that I am unstable and struggling.

I was not unstable and struggling. He made sure everyone thought I was so nobody would believe me when I started to tell people about the physical and mental abuse. He always played the perfect parent in public but was a sick twisted manipulative cruel bastard behind closed doors.

Women need single sex spaces.

I do think we need to do more to encourage and promote men’s understanding and support for their breastfeeding partners generally if we want to see rates improve.

Do we? Why is it our job to educate men? Do they have no responsibility as adults and fathers to educate themselves?

Do we? Why is it our job to educate men? Do they have no responsibility as adults and fathers to educate themselves?

No, everything is a women’s job. Men needn’t worry their pretty little heads about such triviality.

I'd say something in the guys defence, I have severe anxiety and find it really hard to go someone or be in a room with people without the support of my partner.
I can respect that other women may feel uncomfortable and maybe there should be sessions where partners can come along. I believe partners should be involved or at least in special cases.
I sometimes find that blocking men out of the picture leaves them being somewhat dumb and unsympathetic

Kennehora behave! Anyway you spoilt your post by spelling "you're" correctly!

Anyway, if men to be educated on supporting breastfeeding I don't see why it has to be at a breastfeeding support group where the focus is on the practical aspects thereof, i.e. latching on, expressing etc. and where there will be hands on help, and half undressed women.

We are supposed to be encouraging breastfeeding. I would have given up week 1 without the support of my husband and those groups

Me too. But my DH didn't come to the groups, and I'd have given up in week 1 if I'd had to get topless in front of lots of random dads to get help.

I never had to help my DH to understand why he should support breastfeeding, he read up on it by himself and came to parenting classes. He was always clear that it's my decision but his preference is for DS to be breastfed if possible and for as long as it works for us. He was never going to figure out what a good latch looks like faster than I could figure out what it feels like, he supported in all the other standard father ways; bringing the snacks, making the meals, tidying up, winding, nappies etc - none of those require them to sit in a breastfeeding session to become less "dumb and unsympathetic". It's up to each man to decide if they want to be a good Daddy or just a sperm donor, you can't turn a man into a better human just by getting into other people's private space.

Getting anxious around new people is hard and I'm sorry you have struggles @MissFloof, but an all female group where everyone has their boobs out isn't a normal scary situation, it's far enough removed to be calming in fact.

Anyway, if men to be educated on supporting breastfeeding I don't see why it has to be at a breastfeeding support group where the focus is on the practical aspects thereof, i.e. latching on, expressing etc. and where there will be hands on help, and half undressed women

I needed my husband to have this knowledge. My midwife told him to take me to these groups. I couldn't bring myself to put my baby to my breasts at one point I was so low and in so much pain. My husband had to help to latch her several times.

In our local groups there were screens or other rooms people could go to for 1:1 support but I never saw these used. I went to groups with and without my husband. There was always at least one man/partner or grandmother etc supporting someone . Everyone was very supportive. I didn't realise that this was so unusual.

So bf rates are so low because men aren't involved enough?

Everyone was very supportive. I didn't realise that this was so unusual

←The point is about 50 yards thataway
Being supportive is fantastic and very much to be encouraged; it's the lack of consideration for women who don't want to expose their breasts to all and sundry that's the issue.

Why are women having to sit exposed in front of strangers at these groups? Why aren't women given some privacy?

I hate these support group set ups. Am doing a pain management course currently and we've so far had to share our medical history with the group and discussed our medication - this isn't on. We are all entitled to confidentiality and privacy.

I breast fed for 3 and a half years. No way would I have gone to one of these groups and sat undressed for half an hour in front of everyone.

Are people really that horrible to their partners?

Well mine is a considerate individual who wouldn’t dream on muscling in on and mansplaining a uniquely female experience. If he was one of those types then yes I might have done 🤷🏼‍♀️

Why are women having to sit exposed in front of strangers at these groups? Why aren't women given some privacy?

We’re not all we are all feeding though and some are in the early stages where discrete feeding isn’t happening. Plus there are support workers helping people with issues if they ask for help.
We’re not all sitting with our boobs out. Mostly we’re drinking tea and eating cake.

Do people who write "I don't see the issue" not understand that all they're expressing with that phrase is ignorance and utter lack of both imagination and more importantly empathy?

I don’t think you need to even be exposing your breasts to find male presence uncomfortable. Do the “I need my husband there so fuck the rest of you” brigade understand that women might not want to even talk about things like bleeding and cracked nipples in front of some random bloke?

The same kind of selfishness I saw prevailing on the men in hospital post natal wards overnight threads. Sad really.

I might have missed it in the 20 pages of the thread but can the supporters of men attending explain why they need to do so to be supportive of their partners? Surely it’s possible to be supportive in other ways without actually attending a group on the practicalities and mechanics of breastfeeding ?

Do people who write "I don't see the issue" not understand that all they're expressing with that phrase is ignorance and utter lack of both imagination and more importantly empathy?

No, they are expressing their opinion, which they are entitled to. Part of a discussion is sharing different opinions. Not agreeing with someone else's opinion is very common and it just forms part of a debate. The issue is people often forget how to disagree without insults

My husband supports many aspects of my life. That doesn’t mean he has to tail around after me. Supporting me feeding doesn’t necessarily equate to him joining me at a breastfeeding group. Just like he doesn’t sit by me and work despite supporting me in my career!